My wife will not tell me what she wants to eat nor will she give me any ideas.

Her brain is broken. Simple decisions become impossible exhausting tasks. I’m sorry.

With dementia, the ability to initiate goes away.

Expressing wants is part of initiative.

You will find that "I don't know" will be the answer to more and more questions as time goes on.

"Cereal" is a word/item that she remembers. That's why she can come up with it.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you both.

Just make an assortment of things from the menus you know she likes. Whether she eats them or not is going to be a challenge. Just be sure she gets a decent # of calories in a day. And drinks plenty of water.

Her brain no longer computes what you're saying in a way she can reply to--it's very frustrating, but this is just what goes along with the territory,

I'm sorry.

Well you know she eats cereal, so go from there try easy to eat types of foods yogurt,icecream,jelly etc try to bring in a few choices at a time, try different flavour cereals, try to remember at least, she is eating something and it is taking a lot of effort on her side and your side, and obviously the effort is working because she is eating half of what you make her some don't have the energy for that. Keep at it their is progress even if it doesn't seem like it to you at the moment. :)

She can not make decisions at this point.
You can ask...
"Honey, do you want Tomato soup or Chicken soup?"
"Honey, do you want Milk or juice?"
At some point even that is going to get difficult for her to answer.
When that happens you simply say...
"Honey, it is time for dinner."

And when you make something and you sit down to eat and she says all she wants is cereal then you get the cereal. Cuz one day she will stop talking and you will miss hearing her say..."I just want cereal"
Forget the notion of a full meal eaten at breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Pick her best time of day and make that her main meal. It might mean soup or stew for breakfast and cereal for dinner.
If she is eating smaller portions break her meals into 5 or 6 little meals/snacks during the day.
Do expect her to sleep/nap a lot between the meals. Digestion takes a lot of energy.

Yes, but it is the face of dementia.
On a recent netflix documentary about Canadian families giving care to their elders in their homes for years an experiment was done with trying to have one dial a cell phone with huge numbers. The person could not even point out the number 2. By the way one of the women was early onset, mid 50s, alzheimer.

Things just don't compute any more. The synapses don't allow them to make sense of "What would you like for dinner". So they confabulate and so "anything". They cannot form it all to say what they want for dinner, nor remember what you can even make.
I am so sorry.

I went through this at first, hearing "I don't know" to everything I asked. My LO started loosing weight and getting weaker. I ended up fixing milkshakes, which gave easy calories. I used a banana, 4 Vanilla wafers, 1/2 cup milk, ice and blended it smooth, then added a spoonful of frozen Cool Whip before the final blend. I made other flavors, using a pudding cup, milk and ice (vainlla and chocolate)

I just got creative, not ask "what do you want?" I'd start fixing a normal meal (lean meat, starch, salad or fruit) and say, "Do you want some?" If they said no, I fix a small plate and set aside to reheat. Try to fix her favorites. Go ahead and start to eat, then say, "I saved you some, I'll heat it up for you." Or ask her, "Come eat dinner with me." Or just set a place and tell her, "Dinner is ready." It was a struggle at first. It felt like feeding a picky toddler! I managed to get a milkshake and a 3 course meal down him every day. Start with their favorites. Don't make big servings, do smaller ones. I think they get overwhelmed by food. I was always worried about getting at least 1500 calories into him, being 6' he dropped from 227 to 205. Now he's back to 217 and looks so much better. He even asks the doctors his weight every time he goes. He gets praised for doing well.

Lots of people here use Boost or other flavored protein drinks (with vitamins) and you could try a milkshake with those. Just add ice, maybe add that spoonful of Cool Whip, that makes it so creamy and yummy. It goes down easy when you don't feel good. It took 9 months, and his Doctors were amazed he slowly gained weight back! Was even smiling more.

Now when he hears the blender crushing ice, he gets up and heads to the kitchen! Your are such a good husband to take care of her. I know it's frustrating, but....
You got this!!!

As menu planning has got too hard for your wife, you will need to plan & choose for both of you now.

Nothing wrong with small bowl of thick soup, small portion of meat & veg, fruit with icecream/yoghurt/jelly. No need for gourmet cooking unless that's your interest.

Fine motor skills will be effected as time goes on. So when a knife & fork gets too hard, try foods that a spoon can work with eg mashed potato. When a spoon becomes too hard, try cup with handles for soup & more foods able to be picked up with the hands. It may sound juvenile but platters of bright coloured finger food can work well. It builds the opportunity for choice there.

I'm afraid you may need a thick skin & not take it as any kind of rejection if she rejects your cooking.

My heart goes out to you.

You have to learn to stop asking open ended questions. Folks with dementia simply cannot process the answers in their minds. Offer a choice of two things based on your knowledge of what she DOES like. Present 2 plates of different colors, one red, preferably, which stimulates appetite. The plates should be of medium size, not huge. One plate will contain whatever YOU'VE decided to cook, and the other cereal or something she likes. She can point to which plate she wants. Do the same for breakfast and lunch, and remember KISS: Keep It Simple Sweetie.

Experiment with yoghurt, crackers like Goldfish, cheese cubes, fruits, raw veggies, ice cream cups, grilled cheese squares, pb & j. 6 small meals a day are oftentimes preferable than 3 larger meals. Foods with a sweet taste often are most appealing to folks with dementia. Even glazed carrots or sweet potato vs. candy or cake.

Same with activities. Instead of saying "what would you like to do today?" Ask, "would you like a ride in the car?" if that's what you have in mind. Or offer colored pencils and a color book or a busy blanket/board, have her point to which one she'd like. Busy blankets/boards here:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alzheimers+busy+blanket&crid=3N4NI8L39ZF05&sprefix=Alzheimers+busy+%2Caps%2C274&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_16

Pick up a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon for a few bucks. Great reading in plain english to help you navigate the maze you're trying to deal with.

https://a.co/d/bMeLZvu

Good luck to you.

Wow, did I ever need to see the answers here. The question asked by OP was not one I would have thought to ask because I've chalked my husband's answers up to his overall attitude, and never gave a thought that it could be his dementia speaking. Thank you for asking this, HelpingHusband.

Just wanted to say I feel for you. It’s terrible your wife was struck in her 50s. My dad is nearly 80 with dementia and exactly like this with food except the only thing he will say he wants is ice cream. So far he has rejected Boost, Ensure, Gatorade. Will sometimes eat very small amounts of bread, cheese, and sometimes prunes, grapes, or suck the juice out of tangerines. He is losing a lot of weight and strength and sleeps more and more. It still seems sad and frustrating, but at your wife’s age so much worse. Cut yourself some slack. There is only so much you can do to tempt them. Try not to drive yourself around the bend in the process.

To keep my answer short, I will just say to only offer your wife 2 choices, and let her pick one. That keeps it simple for her and for you.
I had to do that with my late husband, and it worked like a charm.
Someone with a broken brain can't handle more than 2 choices and certainly can't figure out what they want to eat for each meal, so make it simple for both of you and just offer 2 choices.

My dad made his coffee , Oatmeal and berries. or cereal in the morning . For Lunch I either cooked or had meal on wheels . Then I kept Plenty of food to make sandwiches if he was hungry he could make a sandwich in the later after Noon - he was never a dinner person . I kept bananas and chocolate bars or granola bars on the table or crackers and cheese . People with Dementia Lose their taste and smell so food doesnt taste that good or they have problems swallowing. My Mom got down to 93 pounds she refused to eat . Youghurt or soup maybe a good idea and protein shakes that you make with fruit .

I just want to add to what funkygrandma59 had to say - if you set the plate in front of her even though she says she's not interested you may find that by the time you putter around getting her a bowl of cereal (take your time) she's already eaten half of it.

Yes to only giving giving 2 choices (or no choices at all).

My Aunt with adv dementia ate Campbell's Chicken and Rice soup every single day, sometimes twice a day. She had the same muffin and coffee every morning for breakfast. She was healthy and lived to 100 (until she fell and broke her hip). We would add extra pre-cooked pasta or chicken, and a cooked egg into her soup and sometimes something green, like peas or spinach.

Only saying don't stress too much about what your wife ultimately eats. It may only be a phase for her for now.

Mom came to live with us for a short time but her decline was monthly. We took her out to eat with us. First time she went with us I could see she was having trouble with the menu. I gave her 3 things I knew she liked, she picked liver and onions, one of her favorites. As time went on, it was two picks and then one. I ended up just ordering her favorite everytime. Yes, sweets they can taste and I think salt.

Just give her what you know she likes. Like Lea said, you don't ask. You don't ask, do you need to go to the bathroom, you just take her. Do you want a shower, you will probably get a No, just take her. And don't expect her to eat like an adult. The medium size plate is a good idea. And just putting it in front of her is a good idea and maybe just walking away.

When it comes to dementia, you can't ask a person what they want to eat.

You give them a choice of either 'Meal A' or 'Meal B'. The same for what they want to wear for the day or what they want to watch on tv.

There is option 'A' or option 'B'. Sometimes, there cannot even be a choice given and you just have to decide for them.

Another thing that may work sometimes is having her pick between two pictures of foods.

No language production is involved.

They use this method at my mother’s MC.

If possible have choices available before cooking and ask her which she'd like, but keep in mind both what she has liked in the past and what she chooses mostly now. Have those things always on the grocery list. What about adding fruit to the cereal to make it more nutritious? And keeping some healthy snacks in sight just in case seeing it will trigger a want. I know it seems that some food is going to get wasted, but be inventive, cook what she doesn't want for yourself, or freeze it for the future.

My mother had dementia towards the end of her life. She would often tell me that she wasn’t hungry.

She wouldn’t eat anything from a dinner sized plate. I served small portions on a lunch sized plate.

Sometimes it was easier to get her to drink a smoothie. There are tons of recipes for nutritious smoothies online.