My wife is starting to show aggressive behavior. Staff at the memory care unit has asked me to come in twice to calm her down, comments?

As for those who said I should not work as a health care aide, I want no part of it. I work as a freelance artist and photographer. I also was a data processing technician for many years, and I was mighty good at it

My sister had surgery some time ago and sucker punched a nurse. My sister was put in restraints and transferred to a different hospital. To top it off, my sister was a medical assistant at one time where data processing was my thing; I hated anything to do with the medical profession.

I am experiencing the same thing with my brother. He seems to get agitated easily. He never did until about 2 weeks ago. It is more the tone of his voice and using sharp angry words. it's not all the time - seems to be when something annoys him. A for instance; I was wheeling, he's in a wheel chair, him from an appointment and there where 2 people standing on the sidewalk. They where not in the way, but he yelled at them, "Get the hell out of our way" Some times he swears at the aids. He did go through a medication change a few months ago and they are changing him again - on the psych meds. Such a horrid disease. I am so grateful for all the support available for us who love the patient - being a relative, spouse, or friend. I, also, have been called to the nursing home to calm him down - all I can do is hug him, rub his back and tell him everything is OK. That calms him. sigh

cak2135, I hope you never get dementia. You are pathetic to post that - and good luck getting a lawyer to defend you. Best to follow ML444's advice.

Oh, she's back! And it's going better than I had thought. We're seeing some holdover on the memory care behavior, for instance she made this teeth baring face, and morphed her gnarled hands into claws, and growled at me when getting her in the shower. But it was so surprising, and slightly comical, that I just ended up chuckling her on into the shower anyway.

Lynn - we are accessing more respite care now, a wonderful inter-generational center Monday - Friday, and starting next weekend bringing in an in-home care giver for one weekend night.

For our situation, the stress of Mom being at home turned out to be less then the stress of Mom being some place that was ill-equipped to keep her engaged and content. It still ain't ideal, but we made the right move... for now!

Have you checked on the meds shebis receiving? I would go over the list of meds to see if there are any Interactions. The ECF would say my mom having behavioral problems but it always seemed to be when she had a UTI also

Just a side note ...my father is still in ECF and my mother just passed away Sept 2 this year. She died from UTI and they said she had behavioral problems too ....she had dementia.

youtube.com is free . You can watch Teepa Snow videos there and learn low stress/no stress work with those who can no longer comprehend life correctly . Please don't let yourself down and not watch . You will love the result you cannot get without learning from her .

My mother grabbed my shirt and squeezed it around my throat this morning to choke me...& it’s the Aide’s day off ...I’m alone...she kept hitting me & screaming to get away from her & I shouldn’t dare touch her....so I said I have to wash her, change her diaper & get her in wheelchair & then she’ll have her breakfast...she says she doesn’t wear diapers & already took a shower....(she hasn’t had a shower in 1 Year 1/2 since I discharged her from nursing home) they used rolling shower chair w opening in bottom....but we just give her bed sponge baths in bed....You would think that I was committing murder the way she was carrying on this morning. The Seroquel just didn’t seem to work... Well, I didn’t listen to staff of SNF when they warned me it would get worse.....

I totally agree with gingerjo99. You have to imagine how frightening and confusing it must be for people with dementia. Can you imagine not knowing where you are and having strangers around you. I’m not sure how much memory my mom can retain in any part of the hour. She’ll look away while I’m with her all day and in that few seconds she’ll look back at me and look startled or ask me where I’ve been. I just have to smile and give her a hug if she seems receptive. It’s frustrating but just imagine being in their shoes. It breaks my heart but I’m happy when I can see that my mom knows I’m someone who cares for her. She rarely remembers I’m her daughter but she knows I’m someone that cares for her. I try to always be touching her while I’m with her by holding her hand or massaging her back. It really seems to calm her. I think caring human touch is so important.

First of all, it is not your job to manage your wife’s aggressive behavior. This is a medical problem and you should meet with her doctor, nurse practitioner, psychiatrist or whoever manages and prescribes her meds. My Mom has gone through this. Her aggressiveness towards me recently increased and I worried she might also lash out against caregivers or fellow residents. I talked with her nurse practitioner and she suggested increasing her Seroquel. She had maintained on the minimum dosage for many years, had a spike in aggressive behavior and had her dosage increased. Then she settled down and it was decreased. Now we are back to the aggressive behavior. Her dosage of Seroquel was increased and the behavior stopped immediately. Yes, there are side effects; she sleeps more. But as she became more aggressiveI I could not take her out if the building anymore and her placement in assisted living was threatened. There are pros and cons to be weighed and you must consult with a professional on this issue

This is a normal part of the dementia process for many people. Definitely check for UTI's and B12 deficiency. Also check that she is not depressed (common). Avoid antipyschotics or minimize them if at all posssible. Doping her into submission provides her no quality of life and believe it or not, she can still experience that.

My Mom went through 2 horrific rehab experiences at nursing homes because the aides and staff aren't sufficiently trained. Even if they were, they have no time to give the proper attention to a patient with dementia. Everything has to slow down. And be quieter. And simpler. And respectful in tone of voice. Gentle touch, saying please, thank you, I'm sorry, and coaxing are all impertive.

Your wife is confused and scared. Behavior is a reponse to something. If you can figure out the something, you can make it better. It can be noise, tone of voice, touch, light, etc. Also, please know that this is a phase and she will eventual become calmer. But it's rough one.

I wish I'd known more about how to interact with Mom when she was going through this. We would have done better. An endless well of patience and empathy coupled with respect will help her and her care givers get through it . She cannot help her responses - but she can be reached and soothed and have a better experience.