When I placed my wife in the unit, I asked them should I stay away for a while. They said no and they encouraged to visit often. My wife wants to know why we have “other people in our home”. The two times in the last week that they have called I have been there an average of about 4 hours each time. The aggressive behavior is very recent but seems to be increasing. She is not aggressive with me. She is getting a very bad reputation with the aides.
In my experience, that is the specialist you want to get on "team dementia"
Hopefully, the Geri Psych can suggest meds for her if it’s not a UTI.
Was told by a summer student NURSE
That the rule of thumb was every hour.
They never hydrated dad,he was blind
And sat in a wheelchair when he wanted to lie down...they do not want to do transfers.also I bought orange juice that I used to make smoothies
W yogurt fresh fruit...why don't NH make smoothies...easist healthy way
To eat..food was cold and hard as delivery was slow also one aide feeding dementia patients, eight one morning..geez glad I was able to see this..my opinions they are better off in a backyard with a sarong no diapers,
Listening to birds tweet..like the Godfather ..its too stressful and Expensive..you can get a very nice apartment for 2000 per month. As opposed to the cheaper rate of 4000
Per mo.
Facilities are understaffed and overburdened. The jobs usually pay around $10.00 an hour. What a stressful job and paid so poorly, turnover is very high.
Ultimately you have to do what is best for you.
I'm not sure how I would react if the MC staff were not able to manage matters on their own. I might also ask for a team meeting to see how things are being addressed by them. They should be able to see trends, triggers, issues, etc. and create ways to deal with it. They should be trained to recognize the problem and make adjustments to help her.
She has smacked a couple of care givers since she's been there, that was never our experience at home. I know it's the right move for Mom to come back home, but I'm pretty sure it's a axe blow to the head for me. Good luck, sir!
My mom was combative, she would wander and she was stubborn and uncooperative. She would even stick her foot out and try to trip the aides when they walked last. I never got a call to run to the facility to calm her down. They always handled it. I’d call a Care Conference and ask what they think should be done. I would not bring her home.
I had the same happen to me.
What I found to help was I did not have a routine on what time of day I would visit. I always had to be on alert . If mom was trying to tell me she was uncomfortable in her surrounding? Payed attention which aides where working? Who also was her roommate? Just dropping in different times of the day keep everyone on their toes.
In the meantime , I made a friends with other familys in the facility. We keep each other informed. Called if we noticed anything. In the meantime, I talked to facililty Dr. on giving mom some anxiety medicine. They should supply music therapy to help calm her down . Also I talked to her on phone first before I went. She just wanted to hear my voice.
I hope you find this helpful.
She was never "doped up". She was calm, at peace, and in a reality we could share with her. Before meds, she was in a state of extreme anxiety, dread and fear.
It was unbearable to watch and impossible to comfort or calm her.
If I suddenly lost my right to liberty, to make decisions for myself and was being constantly told (not asked) what to do by everyone, I think I would become aggressive and strike out to defend myself.
I think this is what’s happening. Like my Mum was, your wife is just defending herself, defending her right to liberty.
We all need training (professional carers, family carers, friends too) in how to put ourselves into the shoes of a person with Alzheimer’s disease and imagine how we would react if we were being treated or spoken to, in the manner we (or other carers) are now speaking to and treating our loved ones in care. It helps one to understand how we can better approach a person with Alzheimer’s so that we mininmise stress and obtain a more positive response and outcome.
Most of the carers at my Mums care home are wonderful, very experienced and speak to the residents with care, love, empathy and consideration. They ask a resident if they would like to do.....rather than telling a person they must do........The most effective carers don’t order our loved ones around, they gently coax and encourage with great care and empathy.
There are a small number of carers in my Mums care home who lack this empathy and caring-they do not show respect to the residents in their care. These are the ones my mum has slapped-in response to the manner in which they approached her a number of times when she ended up in another residents room (by mistake or after being invited). Telling my Mum she must leave a room gets a negative response-she will become stubborn and refuse to move. Rather ask her if she could please come and help out in the kitchen or with another resident in the living room (this would get her moving immediately because she’s an ex nurse and just wants to help everyone).
I explained why I think my mother slapped the carer to her care manager the day after the first incident occurred. She was unwilling to hear me (understandably because a carer had been struck) and called a doctor in who prescribed a sedative (my Mum now takes 4 times a day). So my Mum is under sedation each day to keep her calm. It breaks my heart as I am unable to care for my Mum at home full time. I have to trust that the care home is doing what they need to do to care for my Mum in a way that is manageable for the whole team. She is not an agressive person, she just has Alzheimer’s Disease and needs to be treated with care & consideration of her condition. She is never aggressive with me, will do mostly anything when I ask. If she doesn’t want to do something (like brush her teeth or finish a cup of tea), I just change the subject, redirect her attention, and few minutes later I ask again and she usually cooperates. It’s an ongoing learning curve for both of us.
I think the aggression your wife is now showing is in response to the manner in which she is being approached. I hope this information about my Mums experience is of help to you and your LO.
I would request a Test for UTI. If that is negative then I would request a psych consult.
Mom’s Nursing Home had a contract with a Psychological and Psychiatric Service that visited with the residents as needed.
My Mom would become combative, was anxious, etc. When Mom was in this state she was miserable.
It took some time to get the meds right and they needed to be tweaked occasionally. Mom was never over medicated or in a Zombie state.
On the other hand , there are schedules to keep and aides sometimes have to be a bit ( or even a lot ) pushy to get things done before the next shift comes on .
This is not a comfortable thing for one to feel in their own home but it is the way it has to be most often .
When your wife feels she must protect herself with aggression , is it after dinner , before lunch or at bed time ? This can be key on how to help but it is really important to know .
Remembering that a care center must always sound positive and leave no doubt they can " handle " things and they want you to believe they do " nothing " , which can be true , whatever behavior they do have may be a misconception in your wife's mind that is not correctly working .
Again , this is a hard call .
Having worked in Memory Care I am sure of where I speak .
Alprazolam is a medication that if you insist she is able to try then it most likely will be for the best since it brings complacency for most within 20 min. Then your loved one and the facility are at peace . I really believe in helping with this medication ( never Lorazepam since it has serious side effects like panic attacks which make a situation worse .
Think about it like this - Let's say you have a headache , a really terrible headache but someone wants you to do something like shower and get to breakfast . If you take an aspirin or whatever you may be able to do so within a few minutes . But they want you to function right away ! What kind of stress would you be feeling ? ( and in the meantime you cannot communicate to let them know what is wrong ) Your wife is in a situation where her mind cannot work correctly and she cannot tell anyone even if she feels sick . She cannot control her mind .
Getting her help you are sure will work is best for your peace and all concerned .
There is an answer and it can only be the right medication . The care center knows this already but apparently nobody is suggesting this type of help which can depend on the care center budget , I don't know .
A dr YOU can speak with in person to express how uncomfortable this is for your wife , you and the facility is crucial .
Yes they may try to convince you to have her try whatever is normal for their facility but please take down the 2 medication names I have given you and take them with you . Otherwise we get confused in a world we do not normally function with . God bless you friend & know I am really praying for your situation .
Point is, drugs work differently for different people.
A set routine for residents with Alzheimer's can be very helpful, distraction and redirecting sometimes will do the trick. Knowing what their favorite music is and playing or singing to them had worked for me in the past.
However, there is another alternative, have you thought of In-Home care for your wife? There are some good home care companies out there with programs that are beneficial to those suffering from memory loss. The key is that you have a one to one approach, not one caregiver caring for 10-20 residence.
Vuongphi
You might want start showing up at different times. It might help you pinpoint what is going on.
Is the facility calling you at around the same time? It might be some activity or a particular person that is causing your wife to get agitated. Especially if it happens out of the blue.
My dad was never a problem at the home. Then he started to get clearly upset when I would visit.
Found out one CNA was doing things she shouldn't. She shouldnt have been a CNA. She was very young and had no empathy for her residents.
She came in the room right in front of me. I had never seen her before. Went straight over to my dad's bed. Grabbed his hamburger off his plate, and shoved it in his face, yelling EAT! Then turned to me and said he doesn't eat enough, with an annoyed look on her face. Then threw the hamburger back on his plate. He got very mad and upset. I was so shocked, I couldn't even talk! She didn't wash her hands, was very abrupt, and shoved just food in my dad's face! Then she walked out of the room!
My dad was also getting big scrape marks on his face from pushing the razor blade into his skin as he was getting shaved. I got a few ph calls warning me he had big bloody scrape marks on his face. That had never happened before. The CNA was being very rough with him. I think she was abrupt and he was reacting. He had been in the home a couple yrs before he started having problems. He hated her. So the problems were real. He tried to tell me things were happening. I thought it's not that bad. Yes it was!
Another time the CNA pulled his blankets/bedding off the bed and threw them on the floor. The air from that went in my face along with the dirt from the floor. I was sitting in a,chair visiting.
Nothing is allowed on the floor. Not even trash bags with soiled briefs. It goes from bed to special trash can. The nursing home can get cited big $$$ for that. So she was doing things she wasn't allowed to.
So my dad had a legitimate problem. He never complained before that. I went to management over that.
Your wife might be objecting around an activity, like bathing. She might feel bullied to bathe. The staff insist residents get clean. Residents can say no, but at a certain point they need a shower. It also helps check for sores/skin etc. Is it happening around bed time? Changing clothes to get ready for bed. It can be very traumatizing having someone remove your clothes when you don't want to. Cna's can be abrupt to get them into bed. They have 12 residents to look after. They are on a tight schedule.
I would definatly see if there is a legitimate reason she is getting agitated before requesting anxiety drugs. It could be 1 CNA or an activity/s she is objecting to. Or it could be another resident coming into her room, taking things.
That was another problem with my dad. Residents were walking in, taking things out of his closet and drawers. Luckily his room mate was able to yell for the nurses and they would redirect the wandering resident. They were both very upset by that.
So it could be a legitimate problem. Let us know if you find out what it is. Good luck~
I have had to increase and add drugs due to moms aggitation but change in aides has helped too. Once settled in new unit they will try decreasing some meds.
If not, consider a calmative. There are natural alternatives at a health food store that may work or talk to her Wellness doctor to prescribe a low dose of something to take the edge off, for her.
I use both on my dad.
Allowing ppl with dementia or alzheimer's to suffer makes me really sad.
Some families refuse to allow anything to be given.
It's the person that suffers because the aides start to try to avoid taking care of them. I've watched it oh-so many times and breaks my heart.
All the best to you!!
It could also be that she is being mistreated in some way.
Can you install a nanny cam, without sound, to record how she is treated, when you are not there.
My grandfather was becoming aggressive with several aides.
On a nanny cam I learned that one was rifling through his draw and taking items.
The other was refusing to give him water, when he asked because they said it would cause him to urinate.
It is not healthy to withhold water from someone, particularly the elderly who are already prone to dehydration for various reasons.
Some of the people that work in these facilities have good hearts, but too many do not and really only work in these facilities because it's the only job they can get.
Consider the people who work at these facilities. Would you work at a place where you might be assaulted at any time? Some of these patients could be bigger and stronger than the workers. It's difficult enough to get people to work in nursing homes, etc.
Also, I second the Teepa Snow video suggestion. If the Memory Care Community where your wife lives doesn't use her Positive Approach to Care, you can still learn it (for free online) and introduce key tactics to the aides simply as "ways that I know work with my wife." I've seen it work wonders with residents who were rejected from other communities for violent behavior and were totally agreeable when the Positive Approach was used.
to go out of business, even drop dead