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How about looking for an easier alternative. Hire a self contained cabin somewhere nice, not too far away, good view over a lake or countryside. That would be nice for W to sit outside in the sun and look at the view, probably other cabiners who might come and chat, and an opportunity for you to swim/climb while she watched. If it turns out that W copes better than expected, you can do day trips from the cabin. It may not be as exciting as you hoped, but it is not likely to go badly.
When my mom was in early stages she figured out for herself that she should not travel with me by plane across the country to my sister while sister was dying and then not to her funeral either. She hoped people would not think badly of her, but she knew it would be confusing for her. I didn't have to tell her not to go. Everyone is different though. My mom was only used to travel by car and only with my dad, who had passed, on camping trips. I recommend you take your wife's comfort levels with travel into consideration. However, even with that, I would strongly recommend not going on a cruise, only somewhere that would have an easy escape back home.
I wouldn't attempt any sort of vacation with a person who has diagnosed dementia. A steep worsening of cognitive ability can happen any time. With my husband, he could hold himself together well enough at home, but take him to the dentist, a public rest room, a waiting room at the car repair place while waiting for an oil change - new behaviors would appear. Such as taking things that didn't belong to him, picking bits of paper up off the floor and putting them in his mouth, screaming in the rest room when I was helping him go to the toilet, and climbing into the dentist chair with his head where the feet should go - how much of that could you stand when far away from home? It's exhausting for a caregiver, not to mention for the loved one, who will not understand that anything is wrong except that you're upset and have to go lie down in your room after dealing with their shenanigans. Which gives them the perfect opportunity to ecape the room and look for the dinosaur they think they saw in the elevator.
I'll summarize what I can remember from those who have done it - I wouldn't try this unless you and your wife are already experienced cruisers. And in order that YOU actually get a vacation too you need pay for a companion who is expected to see to your wife's needs (any fun they may get to have would be after their working hours)
Some excellent answers here... My sister brought my mom back where we grew up for a visit. One sister and I still live there. My other sister and my mom lived very far away. My mother was in very early stages of dementia and the trip really threw her. She was very much out of her comfort zone and was very uncomfortable and rattled, Even though she was there to revisit family and she visited me at my home and other family members, she clearly did not enjoy it. She was in unfamiliar territory (to her) even though it should have been familiar. You perhaps would like to visit national parks or go on a cruise but just ask yourself how your wife might react. Could you perhaps do a day trip to a pretty park? Take her to listen to some music? You can still give her enjoyment but you also want her to be comfortable. You want to look at the situation through her eyes.
https://www.elitecruisesandvacationstravel.com/upcoming-dementia-friendly-cruises.html has dedicated dementia friendly cruises. They offer daily respite and full time aides, and they’ve been around a while. I would call them and ask how good a candidate wife is. Their whole model relies on including only patients they believe can maintain behavior on the boat as vs demanding to get off of it. I would use them as a vetting strategy even if you don’t go with them.
Who wants to go on this trip ? You , your wife , or both of you ? I think if you are concerned , I wouldn’t do it , especially not a National Park or long road trip . I would stick to brief trip closer to home if you go at all. My FIl wanted us to take him on a cruise. We said “No”. He did not understand the issues we would be facing . Your wife most likely does not either. For us it would have meant a walker , a wheelchair , a case of Depends, wound care supplies , meds , etc. My husband would have had to stay with him in his cabin , so he didn’t wander off. The entire trip would have been waiting in lines at the elevator with him in the wheelchair so he could wine and dine the way he remembered he used to do with his wife. In reality he was hardly eating more than one small meal a day . And he also refused showers . The other paying passengers would not have been happy anywhere near him .
The key here is you say you already have concerns . We can’t always fulfill a wish for LO.
Please think this through. My Dad has Dementia and my Mom tried to take him on one last trip. Dad ended up waking up confused in the middle of the night and walking to the balcony. He could have fallen to his death! Mom ended up bringing him home early and lost $ on the hotel
I totally agree. I have a friend who took her dementia parents on a last road trip from Texas to Colorado. Her dad peeded in the corner of the hotel room, refused to shower and became combative. Her mother was totally disoriented and no help. She had her adult daughter with her but it sounded like hell. Don’t do it. I was a doctor on cruise ships for over 10 years. Bring reliable and familiar caregivers with you and pay for their accommodation and 24/7 care and bring your own medications. Don’t expect anything from onboard medical or you will be medically disembarked in the next port. I suggest instead short day trips for 1-2,hours and do not disrupt the old person schedule. The relatives can come visit Them, in their home or take them to a comfy local restaurant and pay so You get a break. These big dramatic cruise trips with very old people and many medical problems don’t end well. I have medically disembarked many people in this situation and their families vacation was ruined and it was very costly getting everyone back home. Don’t do it.
I agree with the suggestions about taking her on a few brief trips locally before attempting something this major. You could even take her for an overnight to a nice local hotel and see how well she does.
Keep in mind that cruise ships are notorious for tiny bathrooms. Can she manage that, including showering? In addition to possible seasickness, the rolling motion of a ship (which might be too mild for an able-bodied person to detect) can affect her if she has balance issues.
Does she wander? If so, this could be dangerous if she might do so while you're asleep or in the bathroom.
You might need to reconcile yourself to taking short trips by yourself while family members or paid caregivers watch her.
It's a hard realization, especially if you planned to spend your retirement years traveling. I'm sorry if it comes to that point.
How can you possibly take a woman with dementia on a road trip to national parks??? Uneven terrain to walk on, no knowledge of where restrooms are, unfamiliar surroundings constantly......the list is endless. A cruise is a better idea if she's able to handle change, crowds, airports, the possibility of seasickness, is socially appropriate.......etc. If she is incontinent, that presents a whole new set of issues.
Taking a dementia patient out of her familiar environment normally presents a big challenge and can easily ruin everyone's good time. My 40 yr old daughter in law went on a cruise of the British Isles recently and was SO seasick she had to be carried around the sites she waited a year to see. No medications worked for her, and that scenario was not thought of beforehand. It wiped her out, an otherwise young and healthy woman, trapped on the sea for a week.
I suggest you take a weekend away locally as a test trip before you book anything else.
My Mom got so sea sick too on the only cruise her and Dad went on. Mom said never again . The cruise was after a tropical storm , was still rough seas. They were in their mid 60’s. Dad was fine , I guess since he had been in the Navy , but that was right after high school . He said he didn’t feel the ship rock . 🤷♀️.
You know your wife a good deal better than WE do, Kirk, so I am leaving this in your hands. I will suggest before a big long road trip you try a trip away to a nearby town with something you would enjoy seeing or doing. And before a cruise I would speak with cruise managers about your intention, about your wife's overall needs, and about anything special you should know or be aware of.
Many people travel with family in the early stages of dementia and find it little different than being at home. So the answer to this is only contingent on your wife and her ability to travel. Test it out for the short term so you are better able to judge what might work for longer plans.
How is she at restaurants? Can she handle going into a women’s rest room while you wait outside? Can she sit still for the journey?
Do you take her to a lot of places now (stores, church, other peoples’ homes, restaurants etc) or is it too much trouble? Does she have “accidents”?
Is she really reliant on routine to know what to do and expect and what foods will be available? Is she OK around strangers? Does she try to exit the car while it is moving? Does she get easily confused and upset? Is she going to be able to participate in or enjoy any of the excursions, sightseeing, visiting with friends or family, etc?
How progressed is her dementia? Just asking because the constant change in routine and venue might cause her distress from disorieantation and her behavior may deteriorate. Other things may be a "deal-breaker", like if she wanders (and there's always a first time for this to happen).
Will anyone else be going with you on this trip?
How long will you be gone?
Are you taking her for her sake?
Or because you want this "vacation"? It won't be much of a vacation if you have issues with her while on the road and far from home...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
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I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
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APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just NO.
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=cruise
I'll summarize what I can remember from those who have done it - I wouldn't try this unless you and your wife are already experienced cruisers. And in order that YOU actually get a vacation too you need pay for a companion who is expected to see to your wife's needs (any fun they may get to have would be after their working hours)
You , your wife , or both of you ?
I think if you are concerned , I wouldn’t do it , especially not a National Park or long road trip . I would stick to brief trip closer to home if you go at all.
My FIl wanted us to take him on a cruise.
We said “No”. He did not understand the issues we would be facing . Your wife most likely does not either. For us it would have meant a walker , a wheelchair , a case of Depends, wound care supplies , meds , etc. My husband would have had to stay with him in his cabin , so he didn’t wander off.
The entire trip would have been waiting in lines at the elevator with him in the wheelchair so he could wine and dine the way he remembered he used to do with his wife. In reality he was hardly eating more than one small meal a day . And he also refused showers . The other paying passengers would not have been happy anywhere near him .
The key here is you say you already have concerns . We can’t always fulfill a wish for LO.
Keep in mind that cruise ships are notorious for tiny bathrooms. Can she manage that, including showering? In addition to possible seasickness, the rolling motion of a ship (which might be too mild for an able-bodied person to detect) can affect her if she has balance issues.
Does she wander? If so, this could be dangerous if she might do so while you're asleep or in the bathroom.
You might need to reconcile yourself to taking short trips by yourself while family members or paid caregivers watch her.
It's a hard realization, especially if you planned to spend your retirement years traveling. I'm sorry if it comes to that point.
Taking a dementia patient out of her familiar environment normally presents a big challenge and can easily ruin everyone's good time. My 40 yr old daughter in law went on a cruise of the British Isles recently and was SO seasick she had to be carried around the sites she waited a year to see. No medications worked for her, and that scenario was not thought of beforehand. It wiped her out, an otherwise young and healthy woman, trapped on the sea for a week.
I suggest you take a weekend away locally as a test trip before you book anything else.
Good luck to you.
Dad was fine , I guess since he had been in the Navy , but that was right after high school . He said he didn’t feel the ship rock . 🤷♀️.
Many people travel with family in the early stages of dementia and find it little different than being at home. So the answer to this is only contingent on your wife and her ability to travel. Test it out for the short term so you are better able to judge what might work for longer plans.
Best of luck.
Do you take her to a lot of places now (stores, church, other peoples’ homes, restaurants etc) or is it too much trouble? Does she have “accidents”?
Is she really reliant on routine to know what to do and expect and what foods will be available? Is she OK around strangers? Does she try to exit the car while it is moving? Does she get easily confused and upset? Is she going to be able to participate in or enjoy any of the excursions, sightseeing, visiting with friends or family, etc?
Will anyone else be going with you on this trip?
How long will you be gone?
Are you taking her for her sake?
Or because you want this "vacation"? It won't be much of a vacation if you have issues with her while on the road and far from home...
Please go into this with your eyes wide open.