Every time I visit my wife in the memory care unit she wants to come home. She has been there for 4 1/2 years and has never got used to being there. She says she can't unterstand why she can't come home because she is doing great. I don't know how to answer and have tried every answer I can think of as to why she can't come home, but of course she doesn't understand. What can I tell her? When I leave she is crying and that breaks my heart.

Her questions are the same so give her the same answer...when the doctor says thing are safe to bring het home. My mom keeps asking where her wedding ring is. I just tell her it is in a safe place or I might tell her it is out for repair. This has been going on for 3 years but now with less asking
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Reply to MACinCT

Chuck; ((((hugs))))!!!! This must be so very sad for you.

Have you talked to her doctor about this? Are her depression and anxiety being treated adequately?

You know, you are an important part of the feedback loop for the mental health professionals who are treating her. My mom always said she was "fine" when the geriatric psychiatrist or Nurse Practitioner asked about her mental state. We knew otherwise!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Most of here with loved ones in facilities have dealt with the same thing. In my mother’s case, “home” was her childhood home in the 20’s. I found the more and longer I visited, the worse it was. Some people think they need to visit every day and stay for hours. I visited twice a week for not much over an hour. As was suggested, when she started crying about coming home, I threw the doctor under the bus. I also would tell her that her apartment was being painted, cleaned, etc. I never told her “this is your home now”. I never went into long explanations. I never sympathized with her, like saying, “Oh, Mom, I know you don’t like it here, but you HAVE to stay here because I can’t take care of you.” Short answers then redirect. If she sees you’re upset, she will be as well. This isn’t easy. She associates you with “home”and if she sees hesitation on your part, she will capitalize on it. See if you can get her interested in some of the activities they have. This is what helped my mom.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Aww. Have you told her the doctor orders she be there? Sometimes blaming on the "doctor" can be the ticket.
Stick around Chuck, you will get some helpful answers here.
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Reply to Segoline

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