Now, ten months later, her memory is almost zilch. She has absolutely no short term memory. She studies her calender constantly. Last week we agreed that I would be responsible for her meds and make sure she takes them all. The next morning all that went away and we're back to "I can do it". There have been times she can't remember me and her daughter, who comes over several times a week. I realize it's "in sickness and in health" but it very depressing to have found someone to live out our twilight years and now I not only won't have my final partner, but I will probably spend most of my savings on care. Her children are no help, except for a lot of sorrys. I know there is no solution, but it sure helps to know there are others out there who will have an understanding of all this. We are all in my prayers.
He posted on discussions that he does not know how to respond. Between the two threads, I hope he got enough information to get help.
Worthy of note, attention Larry: she lived 5 years after dementia onset. She was 95 when she passed.
He opened a new question instead.
All of the answers for him are very good advice, imo.
I’m sorry this has not turned into the twilight years you were expecting . Marrying this late in life does come with the significant possibility of someone needing care in the not too distant future .
Perhaps an eldercare lawyer could help with division of assets so hopefully neither of you are negatively impacted .
Right after that spot should be the one with an elder care attorney.
best wishes. I am sorry that this happened so soon after what should have been a happy occasion.
Do not spend your savings on her care. Consult with an elder attorney to separate your finances now and possibly divorce her. This might sound mean, but you really need to be smart about this. You didn’t expect this so soon and your entire future is affected.
Is it too late for an annulment? Maybe her kids encouraged this to get a live in caretaker so to speak. Might you have been their mark?
Her doctors need to know what is going on.
Now for what might be the nasty bit....
IF she had a diagnosis of dementia or even MCI PRIOR to you getting married your marriage may not be "legal" in as much that it may be argued that she was not fully cognizant at the time.
If this is the case it is up to you to do with the information as you see fit.
You say that within a few weeks you noticed signs of dementia. I do not know how long you knew her before you got married or how much time you spent with her but "signs" do not just suddenly appear. There are little indications for months, years before most people notice enough to be concerned.
I would start with a full physical and possibly a Neuropsychologist exam to get a full picture as to what is going on.
I am so sorry for you and your bride that things have changed so dramatically. Unfortunately, that's what aging looks like.
I want to encourage you to get some help in for you. Nothing wrong with having a housekeeper or even a chef come in and prepare meals that meet your tastes and fill the freezer. Getting someone to come sit with her while you get away for some you time. You know best what would take some of the load off you.
May The Lord give you strength, guidance and wisdom in this new season of life.
I had a neighbor who married her husband after being with him for thirty years. She married him at year twenty-eight and he is in the deep throes of dementia. Her reason for marrying him was for legal protection of assets and not becoming homeless. It was not a well thought out plan. Makes me wonder if he was even lucid enough for marriage with his diagnosis in the first place.
Listen to the wise women here.
My grandmother was widowed in her mid 60’s . Then in her early 70’s she dated one man for awhile more for companionship really . He was a neighbor at her new apartment building when she downsized . She also told him no for sex up front . Then he started talking marriage so she stopped dating . She said she wasn’t going to take care of and watch another husband die .
When you marry at this age you are not signing on to lovely years around the pool sipping martinis. You are signing on to caregiving.
If you would like to annul this marriage I think you should see an attorney after discussing with your own and her family. This woman will soon be in care. She isn't the woman you married a short time ago. You should be free to go your way in my humble opinion, and please--whatever ELSE you do--stop looking for romance when what you should be seeking is somewhere to get decent supportive care for your last years.
Just my humble opinion.
Now you may have a different opinion and may intend to stay. If so, get any documents and paperwork done now, attend an attorney for options about division of finances while you two can still accomplish this.
Please talk to a family law attorney about how you can protect your share of the assets. This being a short term marriage, you might not have to pay anything toward her care.