My mom is transitioning from living alone to moving in with family. Because she keeps falling, the doctor recommended she move out of her apartment she lives independently in. I live 2 hours away and was vying to have mom move in with me. I’m retired, live in a very accessible home for mom. All I needed to do was make the downstairs bathroom shower handicapped accessible. Turn tub shower into walk in shower. But because her 3 other adult kids and all her doctors are in the area she chose to stay close and to move in with my sister.
I do not have a relationship with my sister. I asked if my family (husbands, moms grandchildren and some great grandchildren) would be welcome to visit. She said I can come and pick up mom and take her to my house, 2 hours away or to a restaurant. But I was not welcomed in her home.
im devastated thinking I will be kept away from my mom in her last few years of life.
Because mom isn’t moving in with me, we are not going to change the bathroom. To bring her to my house for an extended visit would not be safe because of the shower situation. . To drive 4 hours with an almost 90 year old for a few hours visit isn’t in the best interest for mom. And what if she is not feeling well? Taking her to a restaurant isn’t a good idea. I’m at a loss.
I drive to visit mom and often stay the night at least 1-2 times a month. We are both very sad knowing these visits are coming to an end.
What kind of legal recourse do I have, if any?
Im open to suggestions too. Maybe Im missing some options. Thank you
You may find that when the move to your sister's house settles down, sister is more constructive about the idea of a local visit. It's a chance for each of you to work out what is most important - M or old wounds. There is no legal recourse I can think of, politeness and an open mind is the best bet for all three of you.
Did you and family want to stay overnight in your sisters house during the visit? How long were your visits when your mother was living independently?
Sidenote: It would be wise to convert you bathtub into a shower so you can age in place if that is your wish. Then problem solved, your mother can visit for extended periods 2+ times a year and you will also benefit.
I've noticed when looking at airbnbs lately that some describe themselves as being handicap-friendly, listing things like walk-in showers or number of steps at the entrance.
These will be nice breaks from caregiving for your sister and nice outings for your mother. Yes it will be an extra expense but you would be having more expenses if your mother was living with you.
This isn't a legal matter. Your sister isn't holding your mother against her will, and she isn't prohibiting you from seeing your mother. She simply does not want to host, which is her choice for her home.
If you are appreciative to her for taking care of your mother and make these visits a positive experience, maybe your relationship with your sister will mend, as an extra side benefit.
Be glad your sister is not preventing you from seeing your mother. THAT would be sad.
Living 2 hours away is no big deal. Rent an Air B&B and host whomever you'd like at your place whenever you'd like.
Taking legal recourse against your own sister for not wanting you and everyone else to spend the night at her home is absurd! She has that right, you know, it's her home! Plus, she's taking care of mom 24/7 And really, that's enough "hosting", don't you think?
Rather than jumping down your sisters throat, think of other ways to host mom on your terms. And to be grateful the burden of caregiving has been taken off of you. THAT'S a big deal.
I'm curious why a meal at a restaurant is a bad idea, that kind of hints that mom isn't so independent after all. In any event, trying to sue your sister for not wanting to host you, your hubby and various of your children for multiple night stays is wild.