Follow
Share

Out of the blue my sister has demanded my mom's car that my son has been driving with my mother's permission for 2 years. My sister and I both are POA of mom's affairs. Why she suddenly thinks she is entitled is beyond me. She lives out of state and does virtually nothing to help while my son lived with my mom for a period of time to help care for her, now lives with us and I handle all of her finances, trips to the dr, etc. Thoughts? Advice? Can I stop her? I should also state that at this stage, mom is suffering from dementia.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
"Sis, you know it's an old junker, we've put more into repairs than it's worth and I'm not sure it would even be safe to drive it that far. I don't think this can be about the car, is something else bothering you? Tell me what's really on your mind."
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Perhaps your sister is starting to wonder if your family has an unfair advantage and asking for the car is just a sideways attempt to even out the score. To keep peace in the family (and just in case your mom's money needs to be accounted for in the future) you might want to sit down with everyone and come up with a detailed list of the caregiving tasks you and your son do, and then set up a contract that allows for financial compensation.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

POA does not authorize someone to remove possessions for their own use.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Is it really worth the fight and hard feelings? If the answer is yes -
Sell the car and put the money towards your mothers needs.
Or
Starting using the car exclusively for your mothers needs ie trips to the doctors and shopping for the supplies and personal items your mother needs. 

You could still have a long road in front of you as far as looking after your mother s care is concerned. I’m sure this journey will be much easier with your sister playing on the same team. 
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

who is paying the insurance and tag taxes? Whose name is on the title? Did your mother put anything in writing about possession of the car? Wish I had answers instead of questions.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

We are splitting the insurance since my son drives it. We pay all maintenance on it. We've put new tires on it and made any necessary repairs. The car is titled in my mom's name. It is a 20 year old car not worth more than 1300.00. Visited my mother today and she does not want the car going to Tennessee. I far this will destroy mine and my sister's relationship.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If your mom is competent to make decisions about her property, she can say what she wants to happen with the car.

But, if dementia is preventing her from really making decisions, then, I'd rely on the document that gives you authority as her POA/fiduciary. I'd likely consult with an attorney to make sure that I was on sound legal footing in making my decision, but, what about your son driving the car now benefits your mother? Does he drive her to doctor appointments on the car? Does he get her groceries, take her on drives, run her errands, etc? And how would your sister using the car benefit your mom? I'd address this and then decide how to proceed.

Regardless, I wouldn't let a $1300. used car ruin my relationship with my sister. Life is too short.

I would ask the attorney about selling the car at fair market value and using the money for mother's use, if she no longer needs the car. Would your son want to buy it?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My sister has already gone through my mom's house and removed things that she wants. Mom is in a nursing home and not dead. Taking the car keys from her was one of the hardest things we've had to do, but we had to for her safety as well as the safety of others. My mother was and is fine knowing that my son is driving the car. She'd rather know that it is nearby and being put to good use rather than it being sold or somewhere that she cannot see that it still actually IS around. My sister has fallen on hard times, and I believe is jealous that we live in the same town as our mother, get to see her, and so she now resents my son driving the care when she is in need of one. She simply wants it handed over to her because she feels she is more entitled to it than my son is. My problem is that my son is driving it with my mother's permission, she doesn't want it sold or taken out of state. Yet, my sister wants what she wants. It's upsetting me that my sister is not respecting my mom's wishes, and is angry with me for being upset about it. I just hate the whole thing. She is 14 years older than me as well. Consequences of poor financial decisions and she just bought a boat....I just don't understand.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

If Medicaid is paying for Mom's nursing home, assets cannot be transferred without affecting her Medicaid eligibility. She is allowed to own a vehicle, but if it is sold I believe the proceeds must be spent on her care. I'm sure I'm missing the finer points of the Medicaid rules!! But maybe this is the "excuse" you need to explain to Sister: The car must be retained for Mom's potential use or sold to help pay the costs of her care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am the youngest of the three of us, and I've always been accused of being spoiled. I was in a way simply because I came along later and our parents were better off by the time I arrived. There's 18 years between me and my brother and 14 years between me and my sister. My brother took the hope chest that was supposed to go to me that my dad bought for my mother, the crystal that was to go to my sister, and and antique clock and violin that we have no clue what they were worth. My sister has always been a taker and has always felt cheated/the victim when in reality, she's made very poor financial decisions. I think that there is an intimidation factor at play as well since she's older. I have lived in the same city as our parents and been there for them for all their health challenges and hospital stays while my siblings merely would call occasionally and go about their business. My brother hasn't spoken to me in years, comes to town occasionally to visit my mom without a word to me, and he is apparently fine with it. My mother and I always felt that he was embarrassed of his poor relation. My sister simply sees dollar signs and has repeatedly stated that mom's house is her inheritance. That's all she seems to care about. I KNOW my mother and my father (if he were here) would not want her to have that car. She has been given cars in the past and simply trashed them. It's heartbreaking and sickening that this is what happens at the end of a parents life. My fear is since we are both POA's, she's going to cause me all sorts of trouble. I have a meeting with the attorney on Monday. Such a shame.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter