My sister suddenly wants my mom's car. Advice?

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Out of the blue my sister has demanded my mom's car that my son has been driving with my mother's permission for 2 years. My sister and I both are POA of mom's affairs. Why she suddenly thinks she is entitled is beyond me. She lives out of state and does virtually nothing to help while my son lived with my mom for a period of time to help care for her, now lives with us and I handle all of her finances, trips to the dr, etc. Thoughts? Advice? Can I stop her? I should also state that at this stage, mom is suffering from dementia.

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My mother (and one brother) think I got such a deal, because I was given my mother's (at that time) 16 year old car when she stopped driving. I told my mother to sell it (Blue Book value ~$3000) and use the money for transportation services, but of course that was totally ignored. She expected me to be in on-demand taxi service. She was quite unhappy when I set limits early on regarding my transportation services for her. (The car is registered in my name, and I pay for all insurance, registration, maintenance costs and gas.)

She was convinced I was "taking advantage" when I pointed out to her that when I stayed with her 24/7 when she she became nearly helpless from a strained back and neck (unless relieved by my husband) for 8 days, that she would have had to pay a caregiver at least $2000. She was furious when I brought that up. To her mind, I still "owe" her for the car, while in my mind I have more than "earned" that $3000 the car was worth when I got it (over a year ago now). 

(I am not being her personal care attendant again, because it was such a miserable experience for me. Next time my brothers can take turns with me --and I will be the last in the rotation-- or she can hire an agency).

The one brother who does nothing for my mother (all are out of state), whined to me that he wished someone would give HIM a car (when he totaled his in an accident). I quickly replied that he could HAVE the car if our mother would live near HIM and HE could do all the driving for her.

I think he also whined to our mother, which is one reason she thinks I was given such a great gift. This is the same brother who lived with our parents until he was 29 and they moved here. I doubt they charged him rent, and this was in the pricey NYC suburbs. This is also the brother who didn't bother to come visit my parents for FIVE years (they could no longer travel that far) over a decade ago.
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Sorry that your sister is so selfish that she wants to take back a well used clunker of a vehicle that your son was given permission to use for whatever purpose 3 years ago.

I am not well versed in the rules & regs regarding whether the car can be considered “gifting”, but what kind of Aunt would be ok with taking back her nephew’s car?

I realize the car is in mom’s name and am sure you have assured your son has enough insurance on it so he can drive it without fear of not being covered in case of an emergency/accident.

Your sister is being rude and perhaps alittle spiteful.

Since you saw the car is older with a low Blue Book value, I would ignore her demands & handle the conversation using the  suggestions mentioned above in this thread.

It’s just a grandmother allowing her grandson to drive her car as she can’t drive it anymore.
Or find out what the Kelley Blue Book value is and deduct it from any inheritance you may receive via your mom’s estate when she passes away.

I would tell your sister that no, she can’t have it and ask why she feels that she should get it in the first place.

Too bad & tough luck for your sister. We can’t always get what we want. You and your son paid for the car’s maintenance over those 3 years as well.

Maybe it would be easier if mom sold the car to your son for $1 or something. Again I am no legal nor financial expert but she is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Good luck!
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My grandmother had a sporty car that she would allow no one younger than 35 to drive.....even when she was in a NH. Later my mother applied that rule to her lift chair. Lol
I saw siblings fuss over my FIL Camry. It was probably of less than $2000 value. A BIL wrecked it and that was that. FIL had an estate that could have been hit hard if BIL has hit a person inclined to sue. But cars carry a lot of emotion and sad to say some don't want the car so much as they want someone else not to have it. Good that you are checking with your attorney.
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I do understand how your mom feels about "her "car. My mom lives with me, has no license and still has "her" car. We had to title it In my name when she moved in so we could get tags and ins. in MD... so legally it's "my" sweet ride,,, but it will always be moms. We use it to drive ms daisy to the casino,, and as a spare when ours or daughters is in the shop. She still calls it her car!!
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I am the youngest of the three of us, and I've always been accused of being spoiled. I was in a way simply because I came along later and our parents were better off by the time I arrived. There's 18 years between me and my brother and 14 years between me and my sister. My brother took the hope chest that was supposed to go to me that my dad bought for my mother, the crystal that was to go to my sister, and and antique clock and violin that we have no clue what they were worth. My sister has always been a taker and has always felt cheated/the victim when in reality, she's made very poor financial decisions. I think that there is an intimidation factor at play as well since she's older. I have lived in the same city as our parents and been there for them for all their health challenges and hospital stays while my siblings merely would call occasionally and go about their business. My brother hasn't spoken to me in years, comes to town occasionally to visit my mom without a word to me, and he is apparently fine with it. My mother and I always felt that he was embarrassed of his poor relation. My sister simply sees dollar signs and has repeatedly stated that mom's house is her inheritance. That's all she seems to care about. I KNOW my mother and my father (if he were here) would not want her to have that car. She has been given cars in the past and simply trashed them. It's heartbreaking and sickening that this is what happens at the end of a parents life. My fear is since we are both POA's, she's going to cause me all sorts of trouble. I have a meeting with the attorney on Monday. Such a shame.
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I am the youngest of the three of us, and I've always been accused of being spoiled. I was in a way simply because I came along later and our parents were better off by the time I arrived. There's 18 years between me and my brother and 14 years between me and my sister. My brother took the hope chest that was supposed to go to me that my dad bought for my mother, the crystal that was to go to my sister, and and antique clock and violin that we have no clue what they were worth. My sister has always been a taker and has always felt cheated/the victim when in reality, she's made very poor financial decisions. I think that there is an intimidation factor at play as well since she's older. I have lived in the same city as our parents and been there for them for all their health challenges and hospital stays while my siblings merely would call occasionally and go about their business. My brother hasn't spoken to me in years, comes to town occasionally to visit my mom without a word to me, and he is apparently fine with it. My mother and I always felt that he was embarrassed of his poor relation. My sister simply sees dollar signs and has repeatedly stated that mom's house is her inheritance. That's all she seems to care about. I KNOW my mother and my father (if he were here) would not want her to have that car. She has been given cars in the past and simply trashed them. It's heartbreaking and sickening that this is what happens at the end of a parents life. My fear is since we are both POA's, she's going to cause me all sorts of trouble. I have a meeting with the attorney on Monday. Such a shame.
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Points to make to Sister:

Mother is used to her car.
Her car is still being used to transport her.
No one is entitled to help themselves to mother's property.
Sister can keep her sticky mitts off.
If she really wants the dam' car she can have it when mother's finished with it, and not before.

What the heck did your brother think he was doing? What's he got to say for himself?

Your siblings appear to be behaving as though your mother has already passed away. It must turn your stomach. Even vultures have better manners than that. This must be awful for you - I bet you don't feel right about it!

But, do you agree that in due course selling up and using the proceeds for mother's care is the right way to go; and they're just being a bit quick off the mark? Or are you concerned that they are, effectively, engaging in financial abuse by asset-stripping? Or, to be blunter, theft.

I think you'd best get legal advice.* Keep it private for now. It could be that sister and brother, independently of you, have suddenly got themselves into a race to the bottom and it's led her astray. Steady the Buffs! - don't get sucked into conflict if it could be avoided.

*Preferably from the attorney who handled your joint POA.
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Well, my sister isn't wanting to pay for the car. She feels she should be driving it instead of my son and just wants to come to town and take it. My mom's name is on the title and it is registered in her name and she is on Medicaid. So, that might take care of it right there without ME having to intervene. Despite the dementia, I am trying to retain as much of mom's things for her as I can. Right now, her short term memory is horrible. She cannot remember what she has had to eat, where she's been or who has come to see her. However, she is fully aware that she still has a house and a car and is adamant that it is HER car, which it is. I don't feel right taking things out of her home or dismantling furniture at this point. My sister seems to have no problem and wants to start selling stuff. My brother has already cleaned the house out of the most valuable and sentimental items without our knowledge until it was too late. I thought my sister and I were on the same page, but I guess not. Both our names are on mom's accounts and now I'm worried she is going to start doing things to compensate for what she feels she has been short-changed on.
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If Medicaid is paying for Mom's nursing home, assets cannot be transferred without affecting her Medicaid eligibility. She is allowed to own a vehicle, but if it is sold I believe the proceeds must be spent on her care. I'm sure I'm missing the finer points of the Medicaid rules!! But maybe this is the "excuse" you need to explain to Sister: The car must be retained for Mom's potential use or sold to help pay the costs of her care.
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My sister has already gone through my mom's house and removed things that she wants. Mom is in a nursing home and not dead. Taking the car keys from her was one of the hardest things we've had to do, but we had to for her safety as well as the safety of others. My mother was and is fine knowing that my son is driving the car. She'd rather know that it is nearby and being put to good use rather than it being sold or somewhere that she cannot see that it still actually IS around. My sister has fallen on hard times, and I believe is jealous that we live in the same town as our mother, get to see her, and so she now resents my son driving the care when she is in need of one. She simply wants it handed over to her because she feels she is more entitled to it than my son is. My problem is that my son is driving it with my mother's permission, she doesn't want it sold or taken out of state. Yet, my sister wants what she wants. It's upsetting me that my sister is not respecting my mom's wishes, and is angry with me for being upset about it. I just hate the whole thing. She is 14 years older than me as well. Consequences of poor financial decisions and she just bought a boat....I just don't understand.
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