My sister is the POA of my dying dad. She’s been keeping the family away from him, even his wife. What can we do?

This is abuse of her POA. You could go for Guardianship but that requires a court and lawyer. I don’t see her conceding. You could go for Parental Visitation through the court. Casey Kasem had Dementia and his second family went through that with the new wife. His daughter had this precedent set fighting to see her father Casey. Sounds like you need a good lawyer.

can you prove the stolen money?
if you see her on drugs can you call the police to have her be tested?
don't wait for the courts, the police or elder abuse hotline will act on evidence.

If you already have an attorney for the guardian petition they have probably looked into and explained this but it looks like NC has separate forms for the various levels/purpose for POA. Do you know if your sister has general POA, medical POA, durable POA? If she simply has a general POA it only gives her the ability to act as directed on you fathers behalf in financial matters for the most part not run his life or his visitors. If she has DPOA and your father been deemed mentally incompetent to make decisions for himself that gives her more right to make broader decisions which could include visitors but she has a responsibility to act the way he would choose, on his behalf and to do what’s best for him not herself. If she doesn’t have DPOA or MPOA and there isn’t someone else specifically appointed as MPOA his wife would be first in line to make theses decisions. I’m not sure how it is that they are separated, is your dad in a facility? Is your mom competent and if not who is her appointed representative? Sometimes a facility will express concerns about spousal visits because it agitates one or the other, might this be the case?

It sounds like you have several emotional issues and concerns wrapped up together here but seems that being able to spend time with him is the most important if indeed he has such a short time left. How do you know he is so close to passing? Have you been able to speak with him? Is this how you know his “dying wish” is to see all of you, how is keeping you away being explained and by whom? If your sister doesn’t hold a DPOA that has been in acted (based on its parameters) and it is his wish to see his wife ehother family she can’t prevent it. That said I wouldn’t start throwing other accusations or things into the mix by challenging your sister with how she is handeling anything, spending his money or her past behavior. Leave that for after he passes if it has to be said for your imediate purpose of seeing him before he passes keep things as civil and non confrontational as possible while letting her know you know yours and your moms rights and will assert them if need be, if you start throwing other stuff out there and getting down in the dirt with her she may be more apt to feel threatened and dig in like she’s doing now with the guardianship. On that note if he is about to pass any day and there aren’t any major medical decisions to be made going through all of that expense and turmoil may not make sense. Guardianship ends when the person dies I believe. Again probably all stuff you have already discussed with attorney. Good luck I can only imagine what an awful time this is for all of you!

If you suspect he is being abused, report it to the authorities right away. They must investigate per the laws in every state.

mreguero12: I urge you to telephone the following toll free phone number for assistance in reporting elder abuse in the state of North Carolina. Stay on the line with the phone number 800-662-7030 and there is an option to press to report abuse. This sister's abuse must be halted. I pray that I am not too late in assisting you with this phone number since I am already three days' late in viewing your post and I apologize for that. In addition, you should retain an elder law attorney.
Disclaimer: I tested that phone number to make sure it was correct.

Did I miss where you stated where he is living or where your mother is living? How in the world did your drug user sister get POA? Does your mother have dementia that deems her not competent to be POA?

Does the rest of the family have an attorney to represent you against your sister?  If not, why not?   Given the circumstances you describe, you need legal counsel.

Your own attorney could have challenged any continuance, requested injunctive relief, and could have raised the issue of suspected fraud and crimes against an elder.

You need to get an attorney with experience in contested estate planning issues, the broader category of the situation you're facing.  Don't get just an elder attorney, get one with litigation experience. 

The attorney might recommend (and I would strongly agree) that the immediate course of action is to request injunctive relief, through a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order).   This would prevent your sister from any further action or expenditures, if the attorney includes that relief in his Motion.  

This would also likely trigger court involvement and supervision, but it seems from your description that this is what's needed to restrain your sister, initiate a (forensic?) accounting, and protect your father's needs

Good luck, and don't waste any time; this needs to happen quickly.

Is she on drugs now, or neglectful or abusive? Anything that you can get APS involved, or the police doing a wellness check? So at least there can be a written record.

File for elderly abuse - emergency. My question is: If his wife is competent, then the law automatically gives her full rights.
Your sister is bluffing you. D owatever you need to do to get this taken care of even if she never speaks to you again.
Also, she will have to PROVE that SHE has spent the money correctly. Otherwise, she will not only lose POA but be liable under the law.

All courts are screwed up. But contact an attorney with your story to see if he would order an emergency review of that POA and the current health situation. A judge may suspend that POA if he/she see a high probability of elder abuse and misuse of the POA. Be sure to check for any further documents that your Dad has signed, like a hand written will. If you end up in court and a continuance is considered, ask the judge to suspend or limit the POA. You may need some witnesses willing to be present. Don't bother deposing a witness as its usually not even considered by a judge as the other side has no chance to challenge the statement or question the witness. At any rate, you must contact an attorney that can ask the judge for an emergency, temporary hearing. Be prepared to answer questions not only about your sister's issues but any claims she makes against you. When was the POA signed. Why and how did your sister manage to get it. Who were the witnesses. Did they know what they were witnessing. One question..if she is "that bad" and no reason to doubt you, why would it be a bad thing if the state took control. Isn't getting your sister's care put aside in the short term? The state isn't going to keep you away like your sister has done.

Echoing Chris52 below, immediately, call the Social Services or Elder Abuse offices or hotline. Report what is happening.

Contact alliance for better long term care giving if he’s in a nursing home. That’s how I got to see my dying mom when my brother wouldn’t let myself or my sons visit my dying mom.

It doesn’t matter if she has POA or not….she’s not acting in his best wishes. Best of luck to you!

Since you suspect abuse of a vulnerable person (physical or psychological) you are obligated to call Adult Protective Services. You do not need an attorney to do this; just make the call and ask them to investigate immediately. Just give the facts you have observed, including that family is denied access.

I’m sorry for your predicament. How did your sister with her issues end up with all this control? What is the deep seated reason for her to keep everyone away? Does she hope to gain further? I do hope you have an attorney. In the meantime, send love to your father through prayers and meditation. It will be good for you both.

If it would move things along faster, why not allow the state to have guardianship? At least you'd get to be with him and the financial guardians might be able to see the theft you say is happening and build a case against your sister. Just a thought, if even an option.

It seems that all entities here already have attorneys and are involved in the court system. None of us can know or imagine the circumstances leading up to this. So very sorry for all of this grief, but you are in the system now, and I can't imagine anything further you can do. If your father is in a facility and receiving hospice there might be some chance, if he is near death of contacting a Social Worker to plead for an accompanied visit for the wife and or/children. Other than that I am afraid I haven't a clue what to advise you if your attorney has nothing else to offer.