My sister is moving to my town and buying a house. Her husband has Alzheimer's. What should she look for in a house?

Has she considered, rather than buying a house, which involves lots of upkeep both inside and out, renting or buying a one level apartment or townhome? Or a Senior Independent Living Community,?

Dementia is progressive and she will need outside help soon.

Ask her to reconsider the idea of a house.

The only input I have is that, when she moves she should consider what she will need to live alone. I wouldn't spend a lot money restoring for him, just restore what needs to be done.

He will get worse, much worse and if it were me I would consider placing him nearby, she can visit him daily if she likes, but she will still have a life.

Best of luck to her.

Why is she moving from where he is the most comfortable. Those suffering from Dementias don't do well with changes. You are taking him from what is familiar to what isn't. It may be time to place him if he is getting too much for ur sister. You think he is frustrated now, wait until he finds himself in unfamiliar surroundings.

A rancher is always best I think. Make sure the bathroom he uses has the proper bars. A shower bench and a hand held shower. A shower that is easy in and out. No way for him to be able to get out of the house. Sell the car he drives before the move. My GFs Mom and Dad shared a car. So she sold it and bought a new only she could drive. He lost his wallet. She told him without his license he could not drive. He excepted that. When she found the wallet, she hid it and his keys. He never asked to drive again.

I think you are looking at your sister moving near you and needing to put her hubby in care. So other than shower grab bars and etc, if he can walk, I see no need for special items other than to insure place isn't too large or with too many stairs. This is progressing to the point where care should be considered in your area whether Board and Care or Memory Care. Your sister will need your support in seeking an elder law attorney for advice and options about division of assets and etc.

Sorry, but the fact is that the caregiving soon may no longer be possible as in home without taking the spouse before her loved one. Just too much to ask of anyone of a certain age unless she can afford a whole lot of in home help, and that's just not always financially feasible.

I am so glad she'll be near you as she'll need a lot of support and advice. She knows her hubby and his capablilities, so as far as that goes she will be a much better judge than we are.

I agree with others who recommend weighing carefully how she can best be supported. A move to an IL/AL/MC facility might provide her with more social support and physical support (yard care, meals, cleaning services) as her husband's needs increase. When his care requires 24/7 vigilance it wouldn't be unreasonable to consider a moving him to AL or MC.
Because he doesn't have a working memory he's going to struggle with any move. Basically every new location and every person is going to seem unfamiliar to him for a while, because he can't remember them, and he'll need time to develop a routine. You can imagine how confused he'll be on a day to day basis, and so it's not unusual with a move to see some worsening of the disease as they adjust. Because the disease progresses, some people may never return to a pre-move baseline.
Caregiving for Alzheimer's is hard. Her move neeeds to be made with a plan in place that allows her the most opportunities to take advantages of services and respite breaks.

Has she already found a house?
If she can find one that is "Handicap accessible" or of "Universal design" that would be great.
But look for a house with few if any stairs. So Ranch home or a home with a main Bedroom on the first floor. Or room that could be made into a bedroom later, but it should have access to a good size bathroom.
Bathroom should have walk in shower, Roll in or Zero entry shower would be best.
Wide hallways.
Wider doorways. Or there are "Wide throw or Swing Clear hinges that allow a door to fully open. It gives a few more inches of clearance when the door is open.
If possible the ability to easily put a ramp in the garage if there are steps into the house from the garage. (It will reduce the 2 car garage to a 1 1/2 car garage and a 1 1/2 car garage might be a bit tight. )
If there are steps into the house front and back a ramp there might help as well.
If he is at risk of "escaping" think about placing a gate at any porch or deck steps. And make sure there is a latch that you can place a lock on.
I would also make sure the yard is fenced and the gates can be locked for the same reason.

A single level condo, or one at least with a first floor bedroom and full bath, would be better than a single family house. It's that much less for her to have to worry about as all exterior maintenance and grounds upkeep is the responsibility of the condo association. My husband and I moved into one of these, a cape-style end unit, to be loser to family after he was diagnosed with Parkinson's. We had to leave the community we'd lived in for over 50 years, but it was just 2.5 hours away so we saw friends from time to time. Medical care is a lot better here too. Sadly, my husband passed away last year, 5 years after our move, but I'm certainly happy to be close to family under the circumstances. And I love the condo community too.

In an over-55 community such as the one where I live, the buildings are already handicap-ready. The builder here included extra shower rails, wider doors in case of needing a wheelchair, no second stories in the homes, and so on. Yard care is provided by the community.

This is one of the most active-living places I've ever seen, and it's wonderful that if one partner needs the handicap features in the home, they're already there, and the active partner doesn't have to worry about having them installed. Also, she (it's usually a she) has a support group around her, and she can continue to play pickleball, board games, and go hiking while her husband is at home with his caregiver. There's a lot of that.

Anyone who sees what's coming down the road on the spousal dementia highway is well advised to find a place like this if at all possible. It's not cheap, but there is peace of mind. It's doable for many people. They sell their big houses elsewhere, buy in and never look back. I've never heard one person complain that they missed the Hummel figurines that they had to sell to do it.

Has she already put an offer on a home? How old is she? Taking care of a house is a LOT of work. I would definitely skip over that. I would move into assisted living, maybe in a 2 bedroom unit. There is a couple I know that did this in my mom's AL. It is working out well for them. The wife has support for her husband and they will be able to be together there for quite awhile since someone else is doing the cooking and cleaning and meds, etc. etc.

With him being bad enough to get lost where he lives, he should NOT be driving. Advise your sister to disable his car so he can not drive anymore. Before he kills someone.

I will. Thanks.

"Putting in" a special shower or any other major remodeling will take far longer than she has to spare, plus it'll cause great stress and anxiety for her husband if they're trying to live there while work is going on.

We're currently remodeling a single story house that's been torn out to the studs. We're only in our very early 60s and in perfectly fine health, but we're remodeling it to grow old in it. That means a
6' x 6' curbless shower with handheld sprayer, blocking between the studs anywhere there may be grab bars in the future (all toilets, showers in both bathrooms), toilet with bidet in the master bathroom, and ADA compliant doorways with minimum 32" openings. The house also has no stairs whatsoever to get in or out. There are other projects as well, including a new kitchen.

It took four months just to get the permits, and there have been numerous unforseen delays in the whole project. If we're lucky, we'll be able to move in February.

We submitted the plans to the city for permits on December 20, 2022. Today is December 17, 2023.

This has been a long and extremely stressful project, but we're fortunate to still be living in our current house until this new one is finished. The budget has almost doubled, too.

Needless to say, I'd only recommend such an undertaking for the healthiest and most patient people, and even then this has solely tried both.

You probably don’t want a house with stairs and you’ll need a step in shower big enough to accommodate a shower chair with a hand held shower head. You can add a simple lift to the toilet if he has trouble getting up and down. You can find them on Amazon or at a medical supply store. I’d also invest in some kind of monitor so as he progresses you can keep an eye on him if you are outside or he’s being watched by a caregiver. Please don’t let him drive. You are putting him and everyone else at risk if you do. Someone needs to drive him to the store or the barber shop etc.

amitebird: Perhaps you can garner assistance by reading the book, 'The 36 Hour Day.'

Ditto to the recommendations here and house set up. Please get a caregiver trained in caring for Alzheimer’s patients. Even with the best home layout, it’s going to be difficult, stressful, exhausting, and will push all your buttons all day if you can’t handle it. You will eventually have to think for them and and do EVERYTHING for them. In the final months, my Father and Step-Father both ended up in a hospital bed because they couldn’t walk without falling. We had caregivers and Hospice come in. They had to be heavily medicated, hand fed, changed below regularly and kept clean. There will be tons of laundry and cleaning up behind them. They had lots of physical pain throughout their body. They went from crying to anger. It was so sad to see it, and exhausting to have to deal with it all day and night. You will need help. When thinking about the renovations, design it for yourself as well, so that things will be easily accessible for you. Keep up with your friends and outings when possible. All the best!

This is going to sound strange, but I would get or remodel a house where you can shu off the kitchen entirely from the rest i the house. This may mean no more than replacing a swinging door with a door that closes entirely and locks. If you can shut off the kitchen, then you can reduce concerns about the oven or burners being turned on by the person with dementia when you are not in the room. Also, with a locking door, you can keep him out of the refrig, and the cabinets, where he may eventually find things to eat that are inappropriate.

Hi amitebird,

The subject of consideration for a safe and friendly home for the elderly, especially those suffering from dementia is complex and involved. Pages 81-100 of my book, Dementia Care Companion available on Amazon deals with this important subject and it is too long for me to copy paste it here.

I have copied a small preamble to this section here for you:



The home environment can be a source of major hazards for a person living with dementia. Stairs and uneven surfaces, toilets and bathrooms, kitchen appliances and stoves, inadequate lighting, small rugs, slippery surfaces, children’s toys, clutter, and so on represent potential hazards, chief among them, the risk of falls and fractures.

Early in the course of dementia, survey your home for safety and patient comfort. Group home-improvement tasks into coherent sets, and tend to them in order so by the time care needs grow to a particular level, the required amenities are in place.

Does it have to be a house. That comes with so much upkeep. As said, a 55 and up apartment maybe better. They are already equipped with bars in the shower.

Is Sis hoping that you will help out?

My husband and I thought we were going to buy a home when I retired (he is 12 yrs. older than me)- we have lived in church manses all our married life as clergy. He was diagnosed 9 months before I retired. Long story short, I'm glad we didn't buy our own home as I am now the main care giver for him; he has Parkinson's and moderate - severe dementia. We continue to live in the church manse and pay rent. I could never take care of our own home AND care for him. He's been in rehab a couple of times and doesn't do well with it, so the decision is to keep him home absolutely as long as possible. My daughter put her own life on hold, moved in with us and has been helping for going on 2 years now.

If your sister buys, it's work. If she rents at least, she can spend her time with him and call the landlord when the plumbing needs fixing, or the snow hasn't been shoveled. Suggest she get POA immediately, sell his car, take away the keys until it is sold - I had to. Watch him like a hawk and secure doors where it would be dangerous for him to go alone.

In the meantime, I have developed medical issues and again, am glad I didn't buy. At least I won't have to deal with a house alone when the time comes. And my own needs are important to keep in mind as I move forward. No one can predict the future. Your sister needs to do the thinking for both of them and think of herself where the future is concerned. As others have said, any move will be a problem for him. She needs to consider her own future and needs also.

I send my best wishes for her - and you - as these difficult decisions are being considered and made.