My sister has mild to moderate dementia, and her cat is failing. We have scheduled euthanasia. What should we do?

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My sister has mild to moderate dementia, and her cat is failing. We have scheduled euthanasia. What should we do?

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She was in a nursing home and missed her cats so much we brought her home. There is no way we can tell her the cat is ok, she will know he is gone. We are planning to have a vet come in and euthanize the cat while we have her out. Then when we get home we will have the cat there and she can think he passed naturally. She is a very difficult person and thinks there is nothing wrong with him. He has been peeing all over the house and it’s very unhygienic. There is no way she can be part of the process because she thinks he is fine and will refuse to have him put down. We thought about saying “oh he’s in the hospital he’ll be home soon” every day forever but I think she is too high functioning for that.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Communication & Language Grief Pets

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Having had several cats in my life, and having dealt with my elderly Aunt's 2 cats one of which also started peeing *and pooping* all over the house -- it doesn't mean the cat is physically sick. The cat can be reacting to a change in routine, which was the issue with my Aunt's 11-yr old cat (and we took it to the vet to confirm no illness).

However, I totally understand the unhygenic and exhausting part of cleaning up after this daily. Have you tried to rehome the cat? Or take it to a no-kill shelter? How old is the cat? Older cats are much more difficult to rehome.

Have you considered taking her and the cat to the vet so that the vet can be the bearer of bad news? Would she remember that conversation? Would she then be more amenable to making the decision herself to euthanizing her cat? You can tell her you are no longer willing to clean up after (and she may not care if she has any dementia at all).

I don't envy you, and wish you success in resolving this situation.

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Reply to Geaton777

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Not good to take 16 yr old cat to shelter to die in a cage.

(4)

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This sounds like a tactful plan, but will a vet agree to euthanize someone's cat without their knowledge and permission?

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Reply to MG8522

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The cat lives with you. The vet does not know who the official "owner" is. It is a family pet and you are the caregiver. I have volunteered at a shelter for years and this plan sounds like the caring thing to do. Please don't take the poor thing to a shelter (kill or not). It would be torture for an old animal. Who would adopt an incontinent 16 yo cat, and no life for her if she has to live out her life in a shelter.

(8)

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I think your plan, given the difficulties you fear knowing her, is likely the best plan. I hope you will update us that it went OK. Don't argue with her or anything when you all "find the kitty" comfortably at rest all curled up somewhere nice, as though he simply went in his sleep.

Hope everything goes well, just say you honestly DID feel kitty was unwell, blah blah, and he looks to have gone in his sleep, blah blah. There are times lies are the only comfort left in the face of all the losses.

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Reply to AlvaDeer

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Thank you very much. We go back and forth with letting her find him passed on or saying, “he is at the vet overnight” for the rest of her life. But that will probably cause her more stress.

(3)

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You have a good plan but the Vet may not agree to it. (Euthanizing a cat without an owners authorization.)

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Reply to brandee

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We have the poa and do have permission. Thank you.

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Sadly your sister is not "high functioning" if she thinks there's nothing wrong with her cat who's peeing all over her house and failing.
It's a shame you didn't leave her in the nursing facility she was in as I'm sure in no time she'll have to return there anyway as no one with dementia should be living by themselves. Period, end of sentence.
You can always bring her cats to visit her in the facility when she ends up back there, except of course the one that will be euthanized.

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Reply to funkygrandma59

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We didn’t leave her in the facility because it wasn’t a good fit. The care there was subpar and all she did was cry “i want to go home to my cats”. I say she is high functioning because she can still go through her routine of caring for them, dressing and bathing herself and doesn’t wander or use the stove, leave lights on, water on etcWe have private aides to help and remote camera everywhere so she is not by herself. We know this is temporary but we wanted to give her time to be with the cats. She is a bit delusional which is why she thinks the cats are fine. I felt your replay was a little harsh and judgmental but think you for your input.

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I don't know for sure that the cat is "failing", as it could just be a urinary tract infection or perhaps the cat is disturbed by the major changes in the household, which involve the owner moving in and out. Do you all live together? A vet won't do this for a cat that you don't own, nor should they. I hope you at least tried to find out what was wrong with the cat before trying to put it down.

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Reply to SamTheManager

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We thought about that but she is not very rational (never was) and will probably insist that he is fine and not let them do it. She forgets that he is incontinent. We’ve tried leaving the bedroom door closed but she opens it. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.

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Reply to Buttercuppie

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The cat is about 16 years old.

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Reply to Buttercuppie

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One of my Aunts' cats lived to 21. If the cat is examined, does your Mom have the money to pay for it? Is someone willing and able to give it medication, if that's what the test results show?

Where was the cat while she was in AL? Maybe the changes in routine of a 16-yr old cat are more than it can handle...?

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Unless there is something really wrong with the cat, don't euthanize it. It is something can improve her mood and life. If it is necessary and she really is in mold to moderate stage then discuss it with her and explain what the vet said is wrong. She may find being there when it is euthanized that it will help her with saying goodbye. Later if she asks about where it is make up a plausible answer that will cause her the least stress.

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Reply to spectrum19007

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Poor cat is suffering

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My brother has Alzheimer's, not high functioning anymore. We gave him stuffed animals to comfort him.
Prayers for your family. 🙏🙏🙏

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Reply to Tina1923

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Poor kitty probably has out of control diabetes. (My cat did) I think your idea of home euthanasia and therapeutic fib he passed naturally is the kindest for both her and the ailing kitty.

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Reply to JeanLouise

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How old is the cat and what’s wrong with it
is it just an inconvenience and lacking training matter
if do have you checked other able relatives if they could take the cat and send pictures to mum
Just a thought

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Reply to Jenny10

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Euthanize the 16 yo cat that is unwell and a real burden to the household. Tell her it died, and deal with that. My wife has dementia. Our grandchildren's dog had kidney failure, and had to be euthanized. She loved the dog, and spent most of her time during the one afternoon a week that my daughter took her to give me time for errands and a bit to myself playing with him. We just told her that the dog died, let her grieve, and got on with life. There was nothing else we could do. We could not let the dog suffer, and like others who are grieving, my wife just had to go on.

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Reply to memyselfandeye

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If she’s old enough to be the subject of this forum, she’s old enough to have dealt with loss and death before. Maybe not very successfully, but she’s been down this road. I am a cat person and would never want to have a cat or any animal suffer. Your sister doesn’t seem capable of caring for this cat. I think it’s humane to euthanize the cat and tell sister he died peacefully. Let her see the cat, hold the cat, bury the cat, if possible, and grieve and support her as possible. but let her grieve. Please make sure the remaining cats are well cared for if that means spending sisters money for a daily service to scoop and change litter and put fresh food and water. Do it. Don’t count on your sister to know what needs to be done. She sounds like someone with significant psychological challenges and should not be responsible for caring for another living creature without proper supervision. You can take her to shelter and she can love and socialize with cats and give money. She is not able to responsibly care for them, from what you wrote. Don’t know how old she is but sounds like she has experienced some significant trauma in her life. Validation and acknowledgement of her trauma may be helpful to her. You can’t fix but validate her experience can be helpful.

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I love animals, but I also think that people are more important than pets and there is a limit to what you should sacrifice to keep an animal alive as long as possible. You shouldn’t have to move mountains to save an ill, aged animal, that you don’t have the bandwidth to clean up after. It sounds like you have a good and humane plan for the animal and the elder who doesn’t need to know what really happened. Good luck!

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Reply to ShirleyDot

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Might consider getting her a Joy for All cat. They are not cheap but really do purr and meow like real cats. Some memory care units have them. I bought one for a family member with memory issues and donated it to the memory care unit after the family member passed.

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Reply to Deb555

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Very kind of you.

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Recently I had to put my 6-year old cat to sleep. He was very seriously ill and was suffering with no chance of getting better. I had brought him to the emergency vet with my 105 mother in tow. She was very attached to him. We explained everything to her and she wanted to say good bye to him. When she asks what happened to Oscar I remind her of that and for some unknown reason she remembers that, however vaguely. She seems comforted that he did not die alone.
Good luck.

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Reply to TakeFoxAway

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Normally, I would say to tell her that the cat ran away, and can't be found. But, it seems like you already have a good plan. The blessing is that she will soon forget.💜

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Reply to NinjaWarrior3

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I made a memory book with a 3-ring binder and sheet protectors. I used Word to make the pages. Each page has one large picture of a person or pet with their name in bold letters below the picture. It's sort of like a scrap book of the whole family. My wife looks at it when she can't remember someones name. She also takes it with her if she has to check into a hospital. It's a good way to memorialize and reminisce about pets.

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Reply to jwellsy

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I love that.

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Hi, sorry to hear about your sister and the kitty. My senior pup got sick and I had to euthanize it. I did this on a work day and suddenly, my sweet baby was just no longer around. My mother didn’t even notice. I told her she passed away and she cried. I even bring her up once in a while and my mom remembers how cute she was. This may be a true test of just how functional your sister is. Best wishes.

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Reply to SkyScraper

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She will continue to 'think' nothing wrong with him. This is dementia (and denial / grief). You do not 'allow' a person with dementia to make decisions like this, i.e., '... will refuse to have him put down' (as) they do not have the mental capacity to make sound decisions. You do what is needed for the welfare of your sister (and others concerned). Including the cat.

It appears you are strategizing how to respond based on fear of how she will respond, including sadness / grief. For the sat's safe - think of the cat - and end the cat's suffering 'now.' Do not put the cat through the unnecessary pain / suffering it is currently experiencing. That is cruel. Your sister will be upset. Expect it and in time, she will shift.

Ultimately, however you handle the situation, she will be sad, grieving, and perhaps angry. You cannot avoid her 'feeling' - do not be intimidated by her reaction(s) ("she is a very difficult person ...")

You allow her 'time' to express how she feels and if she gets verbally abused to you / family / care providers, you tell her "this is unacceptable" - and/or walk out of the room. She needs boundaries.

You could consider getting her a mechanical cat. Some are very nice.
Sure... she likely won't want it, but you never know. Something to pet and feel she is needed might help your sister, especially as her dementia increases.

Gena / Touch Matters

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Reply to TouchMatters

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My sister has mild to moderate dementia, and her cat is failing. We have scheduled euthanasia. What should we do?

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