My sister and I have dual POA. I have been the sole caregiver for many years. What are my rights?

lawyer ..

It sounds like your sister and BIL were given more power then they legally had, your BIL didn’t have authority to not let you visit your own mother in the nursing home, I realize that part is passed but something for folks to consider don’t let someone have more power than they have, they sound predatory having you do the work all these years with rarely a visit but they come right away when they see an opportunity to swoop in like vultures to gain control of her money. Have you considered reporting them to senior protective services?

I am so sorry this has happened to you. A lot of advice and support here so I won't repeat it. I strongly recommend you document everything.

Go back in your history, as best as you can, and write down dates, times, places, witnesses, what was said or written. It'll be long and tedious, but that can help show a pattern of action by everyone if it's ever needed.

I do agree with others who recommend you contact Adult Services to report what's been done to your mother's belongings and finances, and seriously consider resigning as POA and step away. Best wishes to you.

You also need to be asking a lawyer how to protect yourself from being lumped into being blamed for any nefarious financial abuse your family is committing since you are a POA.

If you decide not to try to be part of this mess at any point , and are stepping back , you will need to officially record with a lawyer that you are giving up POA .

Something about your post jumped out at me: twice, you said when you told your mom something, she didn't believe you - once, when you told her your suspicions about who made the allegation about you and the second time when she asked where you had been, and she didn't believe your answer. Then you say "she said they said I was stealing stuff from her home". Did she believe them in that instance as well?

While I understand your wanting to know where mom is, and that she's safe, are you sure you want to continue being her primary caregiver under these circumstances? You don't mention anything in your profile about her having any sort of cognitive decline. So is she easily influenced by your sister? If she can be so easily convinced that you, her child and primary caregiver, are lying and stealing from her, why would you want to continue to put yourself into that line of fire, so to speak? And if there is indeed some sort of dementia in play here, that paranoia is only going to get worse, and not better.

If I were in your position, I would have to seriously consider just how far I want to take this fight to get back to being her primary caregiver, promise or no. After all, you were willing to keep your promise, but HER decision to go with your sister releases you from that vow, in my opinion.

What you have described here with your mom has happened to me with my BIL but I didn't have POA paperwork.

Let me tell you what happened to me. I was representative payee of my BIL for 5yrs before that my husband and I took care of him for 15yrs because no one wanted to take care of him. When we started he was taking his meds all at one time day and night so I started to fill his pills. Then when it came to taking him to the doctor appts we did that too. His education level is of a 10yr old but he did graduate HS. When I couldn't take him to the ER his niece stepped in and took him from there on she got POA paperwork(which it isn't worth the paper its printed on because as witnesses we didn't see him sign the paperwork per attorney we got). Then they tried to get him for incompetent didn't happen doctor wouldn't sign the paperwork. Then they tried getting his money that he had but couldn't because I was the rep payee of social security. But the niece did drain one account that I had no control over. I got the rep payee of social security because of dementia short term memory was gone. He had this before he signed those POA paperwork which wasn't legal there either.

When they couldn't get his money they went after me I was turned into DHS twice and Social security once for misuse of funds. Mind you I have never taken a dime from this man even as his rep payee for services rendered to him like gas to take him to doctor appts. All were unfounded and I found out that I was turned in by the POA's. They didn't understand Medicaid which I had to get him on because he was in a nursing home. When I was cleared I turned everything over to that nursing home and let them fight with his POA's. Which they have already done because his POA's believe they can change his health insurance to get a program where a credit card was allowed never happened.

We were seeing him bringing everything he needed like snacks and pop. I finally cut all cords I had to close a bank account that he put me on as owner which he had this bank acct for 19 yrs and pull out all cash out of another one that I wanted for him to use but couldn't because of the POA's they used it for themselves. We haven't been up to the nursing home in awhile because of covid. But we cut all ties to that side of the family. Stress was one major factor and our health was another.

Like everyone says go see a lawyer and the next step is guardianship. Hope you have the money to do it because it is expensive.

Prayers

Get an attorney to try to get Moms money back for her care . Other than that I would not continue to try to fulfill your promise to take care of Mom and not place her in a facility until you “physically can’t do it any longer” . That’s a selfish promise to ask of you. What does that even mean , until you die first ? No parent should ask a child to make that promise . Your mothers money should be used to take care of her . I’m so sorry about this situation .

Lilkotasgma: Retain an elder law attorney.

Speak with Elder Law Attorney

Elder Law Attorney in Mom's home address area and get counseled on how to pay for Mom's end-of-life care. Look into court appointed guardian.

Absolutely get copies of paperwork clearing you and seek advice from the attorney who drew up the POA docs OR hire your own attorney to discuss your rights.

The Only thing you can do is file for guardianship and see if elder services can provide you with Names of reasonable elder attorneys and file for Guardianship / Conservatorship . At Least your daughter is a witness and APS has done some Investigation. The Bank can show Proof of criminal activity . Often times this happens to single woman who become caregivers and then the Married relatives Gang Up On them when Its time to cash Out . Really shows you the true nature of Human Beings . This Happens all too often and No One protects the caregivers .

Was the POA written by a lawyer? If it was then you need to go back to the lawyer to see what recourse you have. When I had my POA drawn up, I made one daughter the primary POA and the others secondary POA.

If your mother’s POA wasn’t written through a lawyer then you would need to seek the advice of an elder law attorney to clarify the problems that you are having with your sister.

Good luck in trying to resolve this problem.

It sounds like this has gotten pretty complicated. I would ask for written statements from the people who investigated and cleared you, take a copy of your POA paperwork, and then go speak to an attorney. You can also report the sister to the AG office in your state for financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult. You can also call Adult Protective Services in the state where your mom now resides, tell them your situation, and ask that they investigate. Additionally, as POA, you can sue your sister in civil court on behalf of your mom. But your first step is retaining an attorney.

Dual responsibility rarely works. Family drama is the absolute worst.

You can call Adult Protective Services and / or get a lawyer. Most folks can't afford a lawyer...start with APS.

I just want to say, if ur Sister drains Moms assets and somehow nephew gets the land, Sister will be in deep s**t if Medicaid ever is needed. Because anything done within 5 years of application, will be considered a gift if not used on Moms care. This means penalties and Mom needing to be cared by Sis or Sis pays for her care.

I would also question that if both of you are equal POAs, doesn't anything done for Mom have to be signed off by both POAs. Does ur POA say "and" or "or" when it comes to your dual responsibilities.

Just putting this out there
A prime example why dual POA or even Guardianship is not a good idea.

If such a thing exists, legal mediation. A professional, impartial third party to hear both sides. With aim that you two sisters gain insight to the other's point of view.

I've heard of these differences many mnay times.

Sib A. Is for Home Care 100%.

Sib B. Is 100% for Aged Care Home (AL, MC or NH).

They each view home care & aged care home through their own lens.

They may demonise each other.

Yes there can be those with financial agenda's too. Those that wish to hold on to a property (this can be either side).

See what free legal advice is available to you first.

This is all a bit overwhelming to expect a group of strangers from all around the country (and the world) to be able to suggest remedy for.

I would consult an attorney.