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I work from home and stay with my mother 6 out of 7 days a week. My siblings don’t seem to understand the sacrifice I make when I only ask for one day to go home to be with my husband and son. I have POA over her and Last Will and Testament with me being willed all of her earthly assets. They don’t call to see if I need assistance during the week, if she has food or need any financial assistance. I purchase all of the extras. Diapers, bed pads and food she desires. Her SSI only goes so far. Due to bad financial decisions, my 86 year old mother still has a large mortgage. I will sell it once she passes away. She is in hospice care and is deteriorating quickly, you'd think they would step in. No support financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have asked many times.

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If you are being willed all of her assets, I can understand why they do not want to help you out, certainly not financially.
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It's not their job help caregive. Not yours either. You can't make choices for them, only for yourself.
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lkdrymom May 2020
I agree. You making the decision to care give does not obligate the rest of the family. I am sure you being the sole heir does not help either.
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I was thinking the same thing Florida said. If you are being left everything, then your siblings must have not had a good relationship with Mom before? Or, Mom is paying you back for the care you have given her? Then you have POA. Some people think that this means that person does caring everything.

Since she is declining quickly, I wouldn't worry about them. Your energy needs to be for Mom. Once she passes, you can do what needs to be done and walk away. Don't allow yourself to be angry. Energy wasted. Be aware that Caregiving can split up families. This may happen to yours. You can't change other people just you. In the end, you were there for Mom. They will need to live with their choices. And, I would never help them financially out of guilt. There is a reason Mom left you everything.
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As frustrating as your situation is, when you decide to take care of an elderly parent that requires full time care, it doesn’t obligate the rest of the family to do the same. Adding to this, you stand to receive an inheritance and your siblings don’t. Do you expect them to help out and receive no compensation for it? I’m not sure why should they even be expected to offer financial support to someone who has cut them out of the will? That’s not to say anyone should offer their assistance because they are getting an inheritance. I’m just saying, it is awful strange that they have been cut out of the will yet there appears to be an expectation that they should prove hands on care & financial assistance to their mother. There is something wrong with that picture.
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All very good advice here. Just want to reiterate that, you can't make anyone, including siblings, share in caregiving and financial aid (which is understandable since they're out of her will) if they don't willingly choose to do so.
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I’m sorry your mother is doing so badly, I know that pain. Please realize that your siblings are adults and free to make their own choices in this, just as you are. Spending your energies being angry and resentful toward them won’t change them and will only make you bitter. You speak of her assets, I don’t know what those might be, but any assets she has should be paying for her care. You need to protect your own finances. Does she have Medicaid?
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I misled everyone in the financial aspect of my moms will. The siblings don’t know of the will but know my moms owes a large amount on the mortgage. We have discuss what we will do when she passes. However the only thing I ask is for spending time with her while I go home for a day. I spent 6 night here. I only ask for one night to go home to my husband and son. Also. I purchase extra thing my mother wants around the house and when siblings do show up they leave with the extras. So I started hiding her goodies. It just overwhelming, when she initially got sick they offered a rotational schedule to look out for our mom. Highly disappointing.
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peace416 May 2020
Thanks for the clarification. However, that doesn't change the fact that your siblings don't have any desire to assist. If she's on Medicare, she may qualify to have a professional Health Care worker to come for a couple days so you can have some respite.
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Hospice will sometimes provide the gloves, wipes and tab or pull up briefs. Check with them that will take an expense off your plate.
I have to ask WHY are you living with your mother when you have a husband and son in your own home?
Can she move in with you and you can sell the house now and that will provide income, once the mortgage is paid off, to pay for her needs. (as well as paying you rent)
Forget getting help from people that do not want to help.
Who cares for her when you go home? Is is possible to have that person care for her another day or two at least?
As a parent the last thing I would want my child to do is leave their spouse and child to come care for me. Would you want your son to leave his family to care for you?
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