How can I stop 16 family members from visiting my 90 year old parent? I’ve explained that he is not able to tolerate noise and a lot of talking bc he lives alone. None of them understand and think it will be a great family reunion. Dad has said I can’t have that many in my house at once. They just don’t get it and say they are going and staying with him no matter what. What can I do?

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I faced a similar situation with my hubby's grandchildren when he was in hospital after surgery for the subdural hematoma. The granddaughter who is a first class DRAMA QUEEN, texted me demanding to know which hospital he was in so they could come visit. I explained that he didn't want any visitors as he hates to have people see him when he's ill. Long story short, the Drama Queen, her 2 brothers, the girlfriend of one brother and their paternal Grandmother showed up en masse. Hubby didn't have a clue who anyone was, DRAMA Queen burst into hysterics and ran out of the room. I ripped them all a new bodily orifice, telling them that for 6 years they caught the city bus across the street from our house and they couldn't be bothered to stop and see him. I told them they had 30 seconds to leave his room or I would have the nurse call security. Meanwhile, hubby is puzzled asking who are these people, why are they here.

So my advise is grab your daddy and head out of town the weekend they are coming. Don't tell them. Just do it. Sending you strength to combat those idiots.
Helpful Answer (17)
Reply to Maple3044
Beatty Aug 3, 2021
Way to go Maple! 💪💪 Well done for calling that cr@ppy behaviour out.

Didn't visit when able to (unthinking) but "oh look at me I'm the most caring loving person to visit the sick" (ego booster) but then turns up against other people's wishes (selfish +++).

I had this before when recovering. I said no to in-person visitors (txt updates were sent). Relative says But I HAVE to come I HAVE to see you are OK. I explained very nicely - no. She appeals to her flying monkeys.. they all join in "you'll hurt her feelings.. she needs to come... she worries...".

Why do these people think THEIR wish to visit overrules the actual patient's wishes???

Said No on phone (ignored), put No Visitor sign on door (ignored). Door bell rings (we ignored) then knocking on & on. DH made an excellent doorman. We saw the true colours that day - colour *narcissist*.
My sister did this kind of thing to my elderly mother by piling 4 grandchildren under the age of 4 into her little apartment every weekend. I stopped it. My mother thanked me until the day she died. My sister has not spoken to me in years now. Cheap price to pay for my mom's sanity and peace of mind.
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Reply to PamelaT1345

No one who is unvaccinated is allowed to visit Dad. Period -- full-stop. At this point no one can get fully vaccinated before this trainwreck occurs, so it's on you to call them and be the bad guy.

I'm so fed up with people who act like Grandma and Grandpa are the way they always were, and if they aren't, they'll just perk up once they're blessed with a visit from the clueless ones.
The fact that they're willing to risk killing him is beyond the pale.

If you lay down the law in no uncertain terms and still think you'll be ignored, I suggest you get Dad out of the house before the pests intend to descend upon him and take him to your house for a short time. What they're proposing is tantamount to attempted murder as far as I'm concerned.
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Reply to MJ1929

They haven't had their shots? NO WAY are they to come. Apparently they want him dead. No park, no restaurant, no visit of any kind. Not even through a window as these jerks would probably try to just walk in. And the fact they want to stay with him? I'm sorry but in this case let them know that NO means NO. Let them no that they won't be allowed to come in the house, they CAN'T stay with him and they can't even see him because they haven't had their shots. This isn't a "loving" visit. These people don't care about him at all. I wouldn't let them in the house even if he's not there as they could leave germs behind. Lock the doors and take him home with you until they go away. If they surprise you by just showing up call the police and have them remove. Do what others have suggested and get a note from the doctor to show the police. I know dad want's to be nice but you have to stand up to this so called family and be his protector. Even if it means these crazy people never talk to you again. Considering what they are planning this is a good thing.
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Reply to whaleyf

Option 1: Book dad a hotel. Tell the family he won’t be home but you hope they enjoy their reunion.

Option 2: Work with them so dad has his getaway space while they’re visiting.

You're presenting a scenario that feels like there’s another side to this story.

Why do all 16 want to come at once? Are they afraid this will be their last time? Is there a history of family reunions? Do they have plans to keep the commotion down? It’s not like most houses accommodate 16 guests, so are they planning to stay in a hotel and visit dad in small hellos)?

Mostly, why are 16 family members willing to defy and upset dad … unless he never told them no.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Erikka

I don't understand why a lot of you are talking about small group visit and such. She said NONE of them have had the shots. They shouldn't be allowed anywhere near him.
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Reply to whaleyf

Good grief. How incredibly stupid. Who's the leader of this pack? And how long have you got before they plan to descend on him?
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Countrymouse
SavingMom2014 Aug 3, 2021
Less than 2 weeks. Hoping for a covid shutdown in his state to end this
I remember as a child going to visit my grandmother who had my great grandmother living with her. We were a rambunctious bunch! There were strict boundaries and we had no problem complying. Dede had “her” sitting room. We were not allowed in without an invite and an adult present. Time with Dede was restricted even though we loved to be with her. When we were in the room with her we had to use soft voices and sit or move quietly. And we she had had enough she could give a quiet signal to the adult and we would have to leave whether we were ready or not. Visitors were spaced out to give her a rest. She had a glass door so she could watch us without being disturbed and we have to keep noise down in the neighbouring room as well. Outside if we needed to cut loose. All these things were explained carefully to us and the rules were stuck to by everyone. We treasured her all the more because she was fragile and special and needed our care and consideration.

Advise that visitors from farther away could stay in hotels or camp in the garden. Perhaps borrow or hire some gazebos for shade etc. Visitors are responsible for their own catering arrangements.

It can work but boundaries have to be presented clearly and stuck to.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to bectwin1

Just say "No". Firmly.
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Reply to Noor75

Please let us know how this story ends and what worked or didn’t work to intercept this train wreck.
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Reply to IamAmy

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