My psych doc keeps telling me to place mom in memory care unit. No can do. Any ideas to prevent caregiver burnout?

I looked at your profile, and the list of your mother's support needs, which seems to me to be undeliverable by one person. And you're refusing to hear what your psych doctor says, and saying that his recommendation is no good to you and what you need are ways to stop yourself burning out. Ways, that is, to make yourself somehow immune to the stress you're under.

But that is a bit like asking for good home remedies for burns and scalds while you're still holding tight to the saucepan.

On at least one point I do totally disagree with your psych doctor. How the heck does he know what's become of your mother's soul? Arrogant so-and-so. But even if he were right, even half-right, say it becomes as if your mother's soul is waiting to be released perhaps, the "shell" is very precious and merits excellent care. Where you're wrong is in thinking that only you, and you on your own, can give it.

Your mother would know immediately if you were transferring her to a home... So I should hope. I don't at all agree with tricking people or keeping information from them about where they are to live and who they will be living with; as far as possible, they should be given this information in a way they are able to digest. So I don't understand: why is this an obstacle?

And why would it be only you trying to find a memory care facility?

You need to find placement for mom, as my children as you do not want to hear this. Your psych doc is a bit arrogant and it is obvious he has never cared for an elderly parent with dementia.

However, he is right, you need to find placement for mom to get your life back. Have you tried to find a place? There are geriatric care managers that will help you find the place that will provide mom the care she needs. Her assets are gerontologist need, her income too high. There are waiver programs that make the qualification possible. The geriatric care manager can help you with that too.

Do what is best for mom's needs and yours.

EssieMarie, I would find another doctor. You don’t need to go to someone to find more stress. You need objective support.
i understand the burnout. I’m in a 24/7 living arrangement with my mom. Dementia and health problems are changing by the day.
i have some support through family, but at this point for me, it’s not enough.
I am looking at hiring someone for a few hours and I just bought a camera for those urgent errands that I have to run.
self-care is the answer, but it sure isn’t an easy one. Bits complicated.
My prayers are with you.

Do you have any home care services? Have you actually applied for Medicaid for her and been denied?

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/medicaid-virginians-needing-assisted-living-home-health-care.html

You need respite: some daily and a longer period weekly and an annual extended vacation.
You need caregivers who can come in and help you shoulder the load.
You need friends who will support you just by letting you chat about something other than caregiving, but who won't mind being your sounding board for that as well. (I tried not to test my friend's patience too much and was grateful when I found this forum).
You need to make stress relief a priority - I walked a lot and learned how to run, some people turn to prayer or meditation, you need to find what works for you.

I got lots of well meaning advice from people to "go back to being a daughter instead of a caregiver", it infuriated me and made me all the more determined to soldier on. The thing is they weren't altogether wrong but the time just wasn't right for me to hear it, it 'was' a huge relief to step back from that role after I totally flamed out - despite my best intentions my mom lived a year and a half in a nursing home. I will challenge anyone who tries to tell me she was just a soulless shell😠, if your doctor can't empathize with that then perhaps they aren't a good fit for you.

Well, you are on anti-depressants. Dr. may feel having Mom in a MC will help you. But I think you will stress out worrying about her too.

So like suggested, find some resources to help you.

I think Essie is adamant that Mom is not going to a NH. And with this virus going around you have to see her point. Mom maybe safer at home.
So finding help is what she needs.

If Mom is low income, try Medicaid for in home care. Then the aide can do the bathing and give u some hours to yourself. You can then run errands go to lunch with a friend. Maybe just take a nap un-interrupted. Go to a park, read a book. If u can afford it, find an aide. Private or an agency. Call your County Office of Aging. They may supply aides.

Come back and tell us how things work out.

I would wait until this Coronavirus goes away & then start thinking & looking for a facility. You have to get a nursing assessment for her & then present it to admissions. That’s if you want to avoid the 3 day hospital requirement. If mother still walks w walker & not immobile, maybe you can start looking at ALF or memory care. In any event, now is not the time to move her, in my opinion. If psych dr makes you more aggravated than calm, don’t go back to him. Hugs 🤗

Let's forget about mom for just a minute.
I am concerned that your therapist is not listening to you or at least not hearing what you are saying. To spend an hour "stressing you out" and pretty much berating you for your beliefs I think that is outrageous. I would fast be looking for another therapist that will not put additional stress on you at this time.
Now back to mom
If you can and want to keep her at home...great.
The big question is do you have help? Use some of her funds to get a caregiver that will come in ideally at least 1 day a week for a full day, more often would be better. This would give you a break. Use the time to do some errands, a bit of "me" time or just sit and read a book or the paper at a local coffee shop, go for a walk in the park. Just relax!
There are Volunteer Agencies that will also companion sit.
If mom is on Hospice (might want to check into that you may be surprised to find she might be eligible) but Hospice has to have volunteers and they will come and stay with her for a while so you can get out.
And again..find another "therapist"

I love how people who have never cared for a parent with Alzheimer’s automatically say to put them in a facility! They are not for everyone and not everyone can afford them. Having cared for both of my parents with Alzheimers and on antidepressants while doing so.... let me tell you the palliative program for dementia patients got me through it. They come to your home and are more for the caretaker! Looks like there is one in your area...
Freda H. Gordon Hospice and Palliative care