Follow
Share

I'm absolutely insane at this point. I want to move out but all area apartments are booked for at least two to three more months. I cannot afford a hotel for that long. I am cooking, cleaning, entertaining, and caring for both parents (dad=86, mom=78 w/ alzheimer's) SEVEN nights every week from 4pm until 6am the next morning. I am too fearful for their safety to leave them alone. How do I get any of them to help?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
If you are telling us that there is nowhere you can go, then I don't see how any of us could have an idea of how to help you.
Who watches your parents between 6 am and 4pm? Is that hired people who are in, and does your POA sister take care of that?
The only suggestion I really have is that you continue to seek housing, even if that is a room rental (difficult in Covid-19 times, I know, but may be easier in future) and then rent a place. Send your family notification by certified letter giving them at least a month to get things in place. Then move on to a real life.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
helpari77 Aug 2020
I moved "home" two years ago after living out of state for 26 years. I moved bec I wanted to spend as much quality time w/ them as I could before the end. 1 & 1/2 yr ago I realized POA sister was in denial abt their needs, so I moved into the house bec they needed someone there daily. POA sis and I tag-teamed it until this past Christmas. Our horrible relationship got worse and the four of them decided that since I wasn't paying rent, and I'd been "free" of them the past 26 years, that it was my duty. They all stopped coming, even once a month. I am without children (not my choice) but they all had kids and think its funny that "now it's my turn". Yes, I need to leave bec I find myself blaming the folks for raising such eff-ups, myself included. I'm the only one that does not own a house or property. I should have left long ago! I have been checking on rooms for rent and rentals. Unfortunately I spent lockdown house hunting then found out I would not be approved for a home loan bec of debt to income ratio (stupid student loan!)...ya, I know, no one held a gun to my head.
So now, all the rentals are on a waiting list.
Mom and dad can easily sleep until I get home. POA sis still has childhood resentment toward my father and could care less. But she Does love my mom, so most days she will stop by to get her up and leave w/ her and bring mom back home before I get home from work. But she will not help on the weekends.
I am SO ready for a real life. I'm suffocating and hurting, both physically and mentally. I don't think there's any hope of me forgiving them at this point. I just need to get out and save myself.
(0)
Report
Family discord is so dismaying and I'm sorry for your situation. The only control you have is of yourself. What do you want the outcome to be? You cannot force anyone to help you. If you volunteered to help your parents and are not being paid, I would give notice to your PoA sibling with an actual exit date. It is up to them to plan to cover your departure. If you are concerned that they aren't communicating with you, you can mail them a certified letter that requires a return receipt to prove they got your resignation. After you depart and you are concerned that your parents' PoAs are not providing appropriate care or are financially abusing them, then call APS and report them as vulnerable adults. Make sure your siblings know you will do this in a heartbeat. You don't say your age but if you are younger than retirement you should be in the workforce saving for your own future and having a healthy life. None of this sounds or feels easy, I understand. But the ONLY way to get your siblings to act is to give them a dose of reality. I totally get that you love your parents and don't want to abandon them. But did they or anyone else really get your consent to caregive for 2 people and then not get any real support? Were you "assumed" into this position? It seems like your family relies on you being a doormat. If you leave you will at minimum get their attention and respect. Please respect yourself and understand that if you burn out (which it sounds like you are on the brink) this may impact your actual physical health, as well as mental and emotional. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart as you advocate for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The best communication siblings and I have is a dry erase board. I have left a msg that I will be "out of town" for a couple days. This brings POA sis at least one day. Last night mom fell over threshold of front door and bruised herself good. I tried calling my ex-RN (POA) sister, but she refuses to answer my calls or texts. Other siblings have simply blocked me.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter