Only a competent person can assign POA. So Dolly is right. Get this done yesterday. Attend attorney with both parents. Make certain to take all documents they already have, will, Trusts etc. Be certain advance directives are in place as well. Wish you the best of luck.
And just to clarify, you cannot GET a POA. Your parents will have to agree to assign you as such. And with your mom having dementia, that might be an issue, as you have to have mental competence to do so.
“Mental competence”, at least in MY state, is at the discretion of the lawyer.
My mother clearly had dementia and in our situation our lawyer came to her nursing home and she signed the simple very clear cut document without hesitation.
More recently, a relative who was significantly “confused” was allowed to sign a revision because we as POAs could not access her funds without the change.
In both cases we all had business relationships with the lawyers involved.
I would go ahead and move forward with it while your mons mental state is still there, your dad's too..
I seen what dementia did first hand. It will physically and mentally deain you and break your heart in the end. Do it. If you're asking your conscience is telling you to do that..
If they are living independently as you stated and your mom is still there mentally.. move forward with it while you can. All your mom needs to know her name, possibly her ss # show that she can speak for herself, then you got an opportunity..
I would start the process now. It is important to do these things when their minds are sharp and they are able to articulate their wishes to a lawyer or someone that is helping you prepare the documents. When my mom came to live with me she was still very sharp. I created a POA and Health DPOA then so that my mom could express her wishes clearly. I am so glad I did. Her decline was surprising. You cannot predict when you will need it and it is very hard to do anything on their behalf without it.
Not sure of your situation but reviewing bank accounts and other financial things is also a good idea. I could sign mom’s checks and was a beneficiary. Mom made those decisions when we set up the POA. It was invaluable at the late stage of her disease and her death.
Sit them down on a good day. Explain that they need to see a lawyer ASAP to get these papers done. Otherwise let them know that if they cannot care for themselves the courts will get involved and may assign a stranger to do it for them.. That stranger most likely be a lawyer and will need to be paid hourly from their funds. If they disagree then you may need to wait it out and petition for conservatorship. It may be costly but then you will havevto sell off their assets and possibly move them
I ran into this years ago, with genders reversed. They thought they could take care of each other indefinitely.
The dialogue went like this: Mom, if something happens to you Dad may not understand or may be too upset to make decisions. You need to give me POA.
Then: Dad, if we lose Mom I need to be able to talk to your doctors in a medical emergency. You need to give me POA.
I was able to print legally correct POA documents from the internet and get them signed and witnessed before they could change their minds. Yes, it was somewhat manipulative because I used the medical aspect to convince them. They already did have documents in place but we didn't have copies of them and they didn't let us take over until both of them were incapacitated.
Right away! As noted in other responses, there are different types of POA. Best to have all bases covered! When my father passed away in 2014, mom decided to get a will and medical directive. She got me into a joint checking account with her too. That was'nt enough when it came to the sale of her house and her being in memory care made it nearly impossible, the closing agent came personally or it was a no sale. A will was'nt POA because it goes into effect after death. I think there's a bigger question for you, " are you aware of the journey you will be going on?" It's going to be a long road and you might want to research what will be asked of you. We're here because we can't do it all and need the experience of others who have/had been there. I bought the attorney at home CD and it covered lots of information for mom. What I didn't know was she left out the POA itself and had it notarized. I basically got nominated and the brothers don't do much to help. You are correct to do something now! Much luck!!
You can explain to them what happens to people who don't have a PoA... guardianship by the county, and then the county makes all their medical and financial decisions.
My Mom saw this in real time when my stepFIL (with Parkinsons) refused to make anyone his PoA (even my MIL, his wife, but by that point she had enough memory impairment as to not be a good candidate to help). We needed to involve social services and they eventually removed him from the home to a Medicaid facility. I'm not above using a little reality-based fear tactics and guilt to motivate people. Why would a parent plan to do that to their adult children who love them? That's how I said it to my Mom. I'm now her DPoA.
Like DrBenshir suggested you can download documents that are appropriate for their home state. You will need to have them notarized, so sometimes a bank has this service. My small town city hall clerk was also a different level of notary and didn't charge for this service. Often it also requires 2 non-related witnesses. I've done it this way for a few of my relatives, others have gone through an attorney. My husband and I have also done a trust so I have experience with all the versions. Only do the online one if you think there is 0 chance of a sibling challenging the PoA or you have a very good relationship with them (making another co-PoA like my husband is with his brother for their Mom).
Get health care Proxy - POA , DNR and see a elder attorney immediately and find yourself a support group or therapist . See social services about getting Senior homecare and a CNA to come into bathe your mom and light house keeping
Unless your mother has ever she wanted a DNR, why assume she wants one this relatively early in the game? Just because her cognitive state might be declining doesn't mean she wouldn't want aggressive medical treatment in the future. Even my husband w/frontotemporal degeneration never had one until he entered hospice care. Even then as his health care POA, I never authorized one even in the beginning of his receiving hospice care. They only required it in the very end-stage of his life; that was within about two months of his death.
Dad can give you POA, speak with him about doing the legal paperwork I'd he is agreeable. Mom's situation sounds a little more complicated. You will need to take her to her MD to determine if she is competent to give you (or her husband) POA. If she is, and is agreeable, do the paperwork. If she is not competent, you will have to get an attorney and petiti9n the courts for guardianship/conservatorship.
Take Mom to the attorney FIRST. If the attorney decides she is competent enough to sign the documents, then she can sign. Do not see the MD for evaluation of Mom’s cognitive state until AFTER the docs are signed, unless your attorney tells you otherwise.
Get a POA and Healthcare Proxy for each parent now. However, I found that the POA I have for my mother is rarely useful. Very few organizations honor POAs. Social Security does not even honor POAs. First, add yourself as an Authorized User on all their existing accounts especially the ones where Social Security is automatically deposited. Also, open joint checking accounts with you and each parent. Even as an authorized user, banks feel better about transferring funds when there is a joint checking account. Good luck.
Speak to an attorney. Understand your legal documents responsibilities. There are other documents that likely need to be considered, which you need to discuss with an attorney who handles elder care matters.
Get those POAs now. Mom's condition will only get worse. She probably can agree to POA now and understand what she is doing. In the future she will not be able to understand what the POA is or allows; then you won't be able to get a POA for her. In that case, you will have to get a legal guardian status which is more costly and more time consuming.
Even with a certain amount of dementia, an attorney may decide your relative is aware enough to where they will do POA for you.
In my dad's case, he (my dad) made a drawing showing his three lots (which were next to each other) what was on each lot (home on one lot) cars, trucks, trailer and boat (naming what model each was) on the middle, and guest place on the 3rd lot. He described them all to the attorney, and with other questions, the attorney felt he was aware enough to be able to do both the durable and financial power of attorney. Good thing too, as he went down hill fairly rapidly (in his dementia) in the next few months, and no way would we have been able to do it then.
This is a subject that should be broached long before the situation arises where it is needed.
We appointed our OD to be our POa, with her Ys being 'co-Poa'. They will and have handled things so efficiently and calmly the couple of times I've needed them.
People shy away from this topic b/c it makes them think of their own mortality--but it's not scary, it's just making sure you have in place what you want.
This also gives the potential POA's the option to bow out, if they feel they cannot handle this job. Better now than later when you might be deemed unable to make that decision.
These documents have to be executed while your parents are still mentally able to sign legal papers. Get it done immediately! They need to set up powers of attorney for medical (health care proxy) and financial matters (durable power of attorney). They need living wills with their advance medical directives (such as do they want to be on life support, feeding tubes, etc. if they become incapacitated?), they both need wills if they have assets (house, car, savings, etc.). They also need to call Social Security/Medicare to list their POA as being able to speak on their behalf. You can sit there with them for the call to prompt them. Banks and other financial institutions (even insurance companies for supplemental medical insurance) often have their own POA forms. My mother made things very easy for me by making me joint owner of her accounts.
My mother clearly had dementia and in our situation our lawyer came to her nursing home and she signed the simple very clear cut document without hesitation.
More recently, a relative who was significantly “confused” was allowed to sign a revision because we as POAs could not access her funds without the change.
In both cases we all had business relationships with the lawyers involved.
The time for assigning POA is before the decline starts.
I seen what dementia did first hand. It will physically and mentally deain you and break your heart in the end. Do it. If you're asking your conscience is telling you to do that..
If they are living independently as you stated and your mom is still there mentally.. move forward with it while you can. All your mom needs to know her name, possibly her ss # show that she can speak for herself, then you got an opportunity..
Not sure of your situation but reviewing bank accounts and other financial things is also a good idea. I could sign mom’s checks and was a beneficiary. Mom made those decisions when we set up the POA. It was invaluable at the late stage of her disease and her death.
See a competent elder lawyer. They can help,
The dialogue went like this: Mom, if something happens to you Dad may not understand or may be too upset to make decisions. You need to give me POA.
Then: Dad, if we lose Mom I need to be able to talk to your doctors in a medical emergency. You need to give me POA.
I was able to print legally correct POA documents from the internet and get them signed and witnessed before they could change their minds. Yes, it was somewhat manipulative because I used the medical aspect to convince them. They already did have documents in place but we didn't have copies of them and they didn't let us take over until both of them were incapacitated.
I think there's a bigger question for you, " are you aware of the journey you will be going on?"
It's going to be a long road and you might want to research what will be asked of you. We're here because we can't do it all and need the experience of others who have/had been there.
I bought the attorney at home CD and it covered lots of information for mom. What I didn't know was she left out the POA itself and had it notarized. I basically got nominated and the brothers don't do much to help. You are correct to do something now!
Much luck!!
My Mom saw this in real time when my stepFIL (with Parkinsons) refused to make anyone his PoA (even my MIL, his wife, but by that point she had enough memory impairment as to not be a good candidate to help). We needed to involve social services and they eventually removed him from the home to a Medicaid facility. I'm not above using a little reality-based fear tactics and guilt to motivate people. Why would a parent plan to do that to their adult children who love them? That's how I said it to my Mom. I'm now her DPoA.
Like DrBenshir suggested you can download documents that are appropriate for their home state. You will need to have them notarized, so sometimes a bank has this service. My small town city hall clerk was also a different level of notary and didn't charge for this service. Often it also requires 2 non-related witnesses. I've done it this way for a few of my relatives, others have gone through an attorney. My husband and I have also done a trust so I have experience with all the versions. Only do the online one if you think there is 0 chance of a sibling challenging the PoA or you have a very good relationship with them (making another co-PoA like my husband is with his brother for their Mom).
Mom's situation sounds a little more complicated. You will need to take her to her MD to determine if she is competent to give you (or her husband) POA. If she is, and is agreeable, do the paperwork. If she is not competent, you will have to get an attorney and petiti9n the courts for guardianship/conservatorship.
it makes a lot of sense to get poas lined up , if you notice the decline. I did it when my mom wound up in hospital and pop was still functional.
I would also make sure you are an authorized client on all of their financial and utility companies .
when my dad was in hospital later, I could not even get a password change because I was not authorized .
good luck
Understand your legal documents responsibilities. There are other documents that likely need to be considered, which you need to discuss with an attorney who handles elder care matters.
In my dad's case, he (my dad) made a drawing showing his three lots (which were next to each other) what was on each lot (home on one lot) cars, trucks, trailer and boat (naming what model each was) on the middle, and guest place on the 3rd lot. He described them all to the attorney, and with other questions, the attorney felt he was aware enough to be able to do both the durable and financial power of attorney. Good thing too, as he went down hill fairly rapidly (in his dementia) in the next few months, and no way would we have been able to do it then.
This is a subject that should be broached long before the situation arises where it is needed.
We appointed our OD to be our POa, with her Ys being 'co-Poa'. They will and have handled things so efficiently and calmly the couple of times I've needed them.
People shy away from this topic b/c it makes them think of their own mortality--but it's not scary, it's just making sure you have in place what you want.
This also gives the potential POA's the option to bow out, if they feel they cannot handle this job. Better now than later when you might be deemed unable to make that decision.