And just to clarify, you cannot GET a POA. Your parents will have to agree to assign you as such. And with your mom having dementia, that might be an issue, as you have to have mental competence to do so.
“Mental competence”, at least in MY state, is at the discretion of the lawyer.
My mother clearly had dementia and in our situation our lawyer came to her nursing home and she signed the simple very clear cut document without hesitation.
More recently, a relative who was significantly “confused” was allowed to sign a revision because we as POAs could not access her funds without the change.
In both cases we all had business relationships with the lawyers involved.
I ran into this years ago, with genders reversed. They thought they could take care of each other indefinitely.
The dialogue went like this: Mom, if something happens to you Dad may not understand or may be too upset to make decisions. You need to give me POA.
Then: Dad, if we lose Mom I need to be able to talk to your doctors in a medical emergency. You need to give me POA.
I was able to print legally correct POA documents from the internet and get them signed and witnessed before they could change their minds. Yes, it was somewhat manipulative because I used the medical aspect to convince them. They already did have documents in place but we didn't have copies of them and they didn't let us take over until both of them were incapacitated.
Only a competent person can assign POA. So Dolly is right. Get this done yesterday. Attend attorney with both parents. Make certain to take all documents they already have, will, Trusts etc. Be certain advance directives are in place as well. Wish you the best of luck.
I would start the process now. It is important to do these things when their minds are sharp and they are able to articulate their wishes to a lawyer or someone that is helping you prepare the documents. When my mom came to live with me she was still very sharp. I created a POA and Health DPOA then so that my mom could express her wishes clearly. I am so glad I did. Her decline was surprising. You cannot predict when you will need it and it is very hard to do anything on their behalf without it.
Not sure of your situation but reviewing bank accounts and other financial things is also a good idea. I could sign mom’s checks and was a beneficiary. Mom made those decisions when we set up the POA. It was invaluable at the late stage of her disease and her death.
Even with a certain amount of dementia, an attorney may decide your relative is aware enough to where they will do POA for you.
In my dad's case, he (my dad) made a drawing showing his three lots (which were next to each other) what was on each lot (home on one lot) cars, trucks, trailer and boat (naming what model each was) on the middle, and guest place on the 3rd lot. He described them all to the attorney, and with other questions, the attorney felt he was aware enough to be able to do both the durable and financial power of attorney. Good thing too, as he went down hill fairly rapidly (in his dementia) in the next few months, and no way would we have been able to do it then.
Speak to an attorney. Understand your legal documents responsibilities. There are other documents that likely need to be considered, which you need to discuss with an attorney who handles elder care matters.
My mother clearly had dementia and in our situation our lawyer came to her nursing home and she signed the simple very clear cut document without hesitation.
More recently, a relative who was significantly “confused” was allowed to sign a revision because we as POAs could not access her funds without the change.
In both cases we all had business relationships with the lawyers involved.
The time for assigning POA is before the decline starts.
The dialogue went like this: Mom, if something happens to you Dad may not understand or may be too upset to make decisions. You need to give me POA.
Then: Dad, if we lose Mom I need to be able to talk to your doctors in a medical emergency. You need to give me POA.
I was able to print legally correct POA documents from the internet and get them signed and witnessed before they could change their minds. Yes, it was somewhat manipulative because I used the medical aspect to convince them. They already did have documents in place but we didn't have copies of them and they didn't let us take over until both of them were incapacitated.
Not sure of your situation but reviewing bank accounts and other financial things is also a good idea. I could sign mom’s checks and was a beneficiary. Mom made those decisions when we set up the POA. It was invaluable at the late stage of her disease and her death.
See a competent elder lawyer. They can help,
In my dad's case, he (my dad) made a drawing showing his three lots (which were next to each other) what was on each lot (home on one lot) cars, trucks, trailer and boat (naming what model each was) on the middle, and guest place on the 3rd lot. He described them all to the attorney, and with other questions, the attorney felt he was aware enough to be able to do both the durable and financial power of attorney. Good thing too, as he went down hill fairly rapidly (in his dementia) in the next few months, and no way would we have been able to do it then.
Understand your legal documents responsibilities. There are other documents that likely need to be considered, which you need to discuss with an attorney who handles elder care matters.
See All Answers