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We visit 4 to 5 times a week. My sister is a nurse along with my daughter and nephew. All check in on them regularly. They are able to take care of themselves. Management has requested to meet with them. When I pressed the issue I was told it was a medical check. Has anyone had experience with this?

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I am going to toss some ideas out.
How long have they lived in this Independent Living facility?
Are they asking for updated medical information? Like current vaccination status (on any or all vaccinations). Does your area require updated TB testing or a signed document that they have no symptoms?
Have either of your parents, that you are aware of, had any falls? any confusion? (If one is having problems the other may be covering when you or other members of the family visit.)

Did the management request that a family member attend the meeting?
If there is someone that is POA for Health and another for finances I would have them both attend the meeting. If there is any question that one or both should transition to Assisted Living that may involve input form the POA's.

Attend the meeting with an open mind. Keep your cool. Listen first, talk after you have processed what is said.
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If your parents, at 87 and 91 years old, are not medically fit to live in an Independent Living situation, then the management can ask them to leave. They are within their rights to do so if they feel ill equipped to deal with them, and in a situation where their liability is through the roof! Furthermore, why would you want your parents living in such a situation if they're not equipped to do so?? If they require visits from you 5x a week, that begs the question if they ARE 'able to take care of themselves' or not. 


What many people don't understand is that when elders are renting apartments, the management DOES have a right to inspect the property; if there is hoarding going on, the management has the right to know it and to get the situation remedied. Same goes for bug infestations. Or sick elders living in IL units. Same goes for Assisted Living; if the elder requires TOO much help in AL, that situation is reviewed and in some cases, the elder is asked to leave and go to a Skilled Nursing Facility (or similar) where more care is offered. This is not to 'punish' the elder, but to make sure the elder is kept safe and given the best possible lifestyle for his or her situation.

The management has the right to check on your parents to see how they are living inside their unit and to make the determination if they're fit to stay there, in their estimation.

Also check their lease to see what the parameters are for their continued renewal of the rental term. There may be specific language that discusses such matters in detail.

Good luck.
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KaleyBug Jul 2022
She said her family members are nurses if they choose to do the care. Then the parents should be allowed to still live by themselves.
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What does their lease agreement say? Is the management seeing worrisome signs? It may be a good idea for your parents' MPoA to also be at this meeting, even if the authority isn't yet activated. If your sister, the nurse, has to visit them 4-5 times a week, maybe your parents aren't as "independent" as you are leading us to believe? There seems to be a lot of family orbiting around them, which doesn't say "able to take care of themselves" to me. If they are truly able to take care of themselves and their ADLs then I would think they wouldn't need all those regular visits.

I would read their lease. I've read from others on this forum that they can have some pretty strict rules about people staying overnight (like if your parent is recovering from a health incident or is requiring an increasing amount of hands-on management). You don't want to get blind-sided by anything at a time of crisis.
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DrBenshir Jul 2022
It doesn't say the nurse sister visits 4-5 times/week. That is the entire family. This may have nothing to do with dependence and everything to do with loving involvement, making parents feel wanted and supported.
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At their age they may be at the level of care to move in AL the home may see things that you and others do not see or possibly accept. They may see a downward turn heading your parents' way.

AL is not the end of the world, it is just another step to improving their quality of life, more chores done by others, more activities and bonding with seniors of their own age.

Sometimes children do not want to embrace the obvious, clinically trained or not, if they are now unable to really be independent because others are making up for their slack that may be a sign.
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This could be a routine procedure done from time to time to assure the safety of all their residents. Management and residents see your loved one a lot more often during the 24/7 week and observe behaviors the family would never be aware of no matter how often you visit. I would look on a medical check as a good thing especially if it is done routinely routine.

I have lived in a 55+ facility and if the contract is for independent living, it means just that! Residents are not legally entitled to accommodations beyond what is offered under the contract. Yes, the building is required to be designed to accommodate the disabled, but facilities legally can not provide special services beyond what they are licensed for. Where we lived, residents were allowed to hire private outside help to come in and provide any special services needed to keep them living independently just as would be done in a private home.

That being said, we saw many families hire services such as medicine reminders, help going to bed and getting up and dressed, etc. which was all that was needed for a while. However since this was only for 2-4 hours a day, gradually neighbors or management began to receive requests for additional help during the other 20 hours a day. An elderly resident helping another elderly resident can lead to unfortunate results.

Keep a very open mind in the meeting especially if it is being called due to concerns. As a visitor, families often miss signs that physical, emotional, mental, or even financial concerns are beginning to develop or progress. Yes, financial too even though you may be managing everything. Residents often give away items or money a bit too freely to others, while others are accepting these "gifts" not realizing when they are inappropriate. While these may never be a concern in your parents case, there are so many signs of decline only those living close to them will notice in the early stages. IF something is going on, it may only require a good physical checkup to diagnose a new problem and treat it properly to help them live there independently for many more years. Think... medication, eyeglass, hearing aid, mobility aids, etc. which may be a simple fix.
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We experienced this when we were applying for an apartment for my in-laws at an independent living 55+ senior community. It is a *private* building and they have the right to ask residents to leave when they determine that it no longer is safe for them to live there. Read the lease.

Some independent living communities offer extra help such as a shower visit at night. But your parents may require a lot more than that. And your parents may be putting on a good charade of independence in front of family.

Remember that when it comes to our own loved ones, we are often willingly blind or in denial.
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You've gotten good answers and insights from more than a few viewpoints. The only thing I would add is to prepare your own checklist of questions and be prepared to ensure that your concerns are answered. I ALWAYS take notes at meetings; then I have for myself a good record of the topics discussed.

And I would inquire as to the medical issues they might raise, and the foundation for those concerns. It's been my experience that lay people think they know more than they do, so it always pays to focus on any area which might be outside the purview of the managers.

I also would emphasize rereading the By-laws and other documents of the complex, and be prepared to ask your own questions. Sometimes you have to do this to balance out issues of focus by the management.

Something else I learned about meetings that could possibly be confrontational or put you on the spot is for you and your siblings NOT to sit together, but to place yourselves around the meeting table so that each of you can watch the Admins, or whoever's conducting the meeting. You'd be amazed how effective that can be in controlling the gist of the meeting, especially if they become hostile.
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 2022
That is so true. Good advice.
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As has already been mentioned you need to read the lease, there are place in my area that are pretty strict about kicking out people who they deem no longer capable of living independently.
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That will be in the contracts the resident signed on entry. Clearly, it would be negligent to allow a senior to stay when they are no longer safe. I would check with the facility as they vary and they do not have to do things according to "state" and Federal law in most instances. Check with the Community itself.
If there is a POA they should attend this meeting with the couple.
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These facilities are licensed only at certain levels which means that the patients may receive care up to a certain extent. When their health deteriorates to over the level, they are asked to leave so they won't lose their license.
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