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He has made their lives miserable. They are very kind peaceful people that do not want to live out the rest of their lives with this aggressive angry man living in their living room. The police have come three times, they said nothing they can do. He drinks and does drugs. He doesn't medicate himself properly. The county came over senior protection type of service haven't heard back from them in two weeks. He threatens my mom's partner, he swears all the time, and to boot he doesn't pay a penny for rent. What can I do to have him hit the road? I don't live there and can only come by every couple of weeks. Please help.

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Your mom needs to evict him.
She will need to give him notice and follow the rules of her county. If this doesn’t work (he comes back after being removed) then try filing a peace bond. The eviction should work. I know this is very hard for your mom. Your brother needs help. This is a tough situation.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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What a horrible situation for your parents. I am so sorry. I understand your misery. My oldest brother (now deceased) was an addict too.

This is so tough. I don’t understand why the police can’t help. What complaint did your parents make to the police concerning your brother?

It’s your parent’s home so he is trespassing unless he was invited. Can you share a bit more info please?

You may have to start an eviction process. It doesn’t sound like he is willing to leave on his own so he will have to be forced out.

Do you live in your parent’s home too? Who cares for your parents? Do you look after them?

When does your brother leave home? Buy new locks. When he leaves install the new locks and he will not be able to enter the home. If he tries to break in he is breaking the law and will be arrested.
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
The police can’t help because the parents have to formally evict him. Without a court order, the police can’t force him to leave.
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How terrible! Sorry your family is going through this. Could security cameras (if it were possible to install them without brother knowing about it) help, to document the behaviors? If you know there are illegal drugs in the house with vulnerable elders there, is it possible to call the police at that moment about them?

I hope you can find some answers to, at the very least, get this destructive person out of your mom's house. I'm sorry he's mentally ill but I'm even more concerned about the vulnerable elderly people he's endangering and scaring.
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Your parents need to evict him and get an order of protection and have him escorted off the premises.

Then they can press charges for trespassing if he comes back.
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My sick brother did the same thing to my folks on several occasions. It drove my poor mother crazy as she was dealing with the onset of Parkinson's in dad and he was unable to really do much.

Finally, my other 2 brothers stepped up to him, read him the riot act and since he (OB) was already in some trouble with the law, he chose to leave and shortly thereafter, mother and dad moved out.

Pretty much robbed my parents blind though--the things that can go on when you are not there can be appalling. OB had mom and dad take out a home equity loan and we didn't know until they went to sell that instead of having a comfortable $300K, they had less than $50K. That and the theft and pawning of everything of any value left them reliant on SS.

He was toxic to the max and they were scared to death of him. Help your parents out--sounds like they act like mine did--just scared and sick.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 16, 2020
Mid,

You said it, honey! My oldest brother started stealing from us at my parents home too. They have to support their drug habit somehow. Anything of value had to be placed under our pillows when we slept, otherwise it would be stolen by him. It was so confusing to me as a kid.

My brother would camp out with them from time to time after the rest of us kids moved out. Broke my heart, felt sad that my brother couldn’t beat his demons and I was always afraid for my parents.

I suppose the worst was when he committed armed robbery and he was arrested at my parents home. Was on the evening news and everything.

That broke my parents hearts. He did 7 years in jail for that crime. My parents visited him. I never did. I just couldn’t but it effected me in ways that I did not expect. Hard to explain. I struggled to eat because I knew that he would be eating slop. I have always had the problem of not being able to eat when I get terribly upset. I know some people turn to food but I have always done the opposite. I can’t eat.

When my brother got out of jail he continued his same lifestyle. Hell, he did drugs in jail. Don’t think prisoners don’t have access to drugs. They do.

Anyway, many times he tried to crash at my house. No way! I didn’t even leave a tiny crack for that to happen. I grew up with him as an addict so I knew the pain. There was absolutely no way in hell that I would expose my kids to that. Eventually, I had to completely cut him out of my life.

He’s been dead since 2013. I did made peace with him at the end of his life at the hospice facility. I was the one to make his cremation and burial arrangements.

Growing up in such dysfunction leaves scars, doesn’t it, Mid? Plus, it’s really hard to sort out our emotions as kids and I had no clue how to articulate those emotions as a kid.

God knows, throughout the years I tried to help my brother and in general was the ‘peacemaker’ in my family, desperately trying to heal the hurt.

After a bazillion attempts and feeling enormous pain, I finally surrendered and realized I did not have any super powers. So, that’s where it stands.

I guess that leaves me sort of like an orphan without the family that I grew up with, which is unfortunate but, hey I don’t miss the agony from mom or my brothers!

Thank God for this forum and a good therapist! You and I are works in progress, Mid but there is healing for us. Stay strong and I will do my best as well. Hugs!

Take care, Mid. I always feel a strong connection to anything that you post. Keep sharing your wisdom, Mid. We love you! 💗
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Just a couple of questions. If he is a threat, why can't the police remove him. And, I thought to evict, the person has to be paying rent.
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
The police can’t make him leave his own home simply because he’s a “threat”. He has right, no matter bad a person he may be. And you don’t have to have been paying rent OR have a written agreement in order to be evicted. Once residency has been established, you have rights and If the homeowner/landlord wants you out, they have to go through the eviction process.
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Has he been charged for the drug use?  If so, has he served time, and is he on probation?    If yes to both, and if he's still using, he's likely in violation of probation and the police can arrest and incarcerate him again.

Where is he "doing" drugs?  In your mother's home?   I don't understand why the police say there's nothing that can be done if he's using drugs in the home; certainly they'd find drug paraphernalia.
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
GA it’s not as simple as that. He has to be under the influence when the police are called and even then, he may just get a citation. If he’s on probation or parole then his probation officer or parole agent is the one who needs to drug test him and THEY can then have him arrested for violating the terms of his probation/parole.
And as far as finding paraphernalia, if it’s not out in plain view, the police can’t just go searching for it. They can only search his room without a warrant if He has a search & seizure clause in the terms of his probation. It doesn’t sound like he’s on parole or probation and in that case, they would need a warrant. Because unless they SEE drugs or drug paraphernalia, they don’t have probable cause for anything.
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Way too much thinking going on here!

Call the police and APS and get your brother escorted off the property. If he's "squatting," there's no rental agreement and no eviction process required. Just because he's your mother's son, doesn't give him special privileges to do whatever he wants in her home. What if it was some random guy they met at the supermarket who followed them home and convinced them to let him stay? You'd call the police, right?

You can help by doing the calling yourself, but make sure your mom is 100% on board, because you do not want to show up 'guns blazing' only to have your mom say "It's really o.k. He can stay."
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
Did you miss where the OP says the police have been called and can’t do anything? And yes, there is an eviction process even for squatters. Just look at the 4 mom squatters just evicted in Oakland california. If he’s established residency, the police cannot and will not escort him off the property without a court order. The OP doesn’t live there so she doesn’t have the authority to have him removed. Her parents have to be the ones to do it.
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In Louisiana there are squatter’s rights on the law books. Some people even did this in abandoned homes after Hurricane Katrina. It was a mess. The squatters gradually made improvements to these homes and eventually ended up living there. Not sure how it all works out in the end though because their name isn’t on the deed of the property. It definitely can become complicated depending on city and state laws.

Truly depends on how the laws are specifically spelled out. It’s a shame. Does not seem fair. Unfortunately, certain areas squatters have rights according to the laws established.
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
Oakland California has been all over the news recently because 4 women have been squatting in a house for years, not paying rent or anything and the owners wanted them out and they refused to go. It became quite the court battle!
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Worried,
I don't think I've read anything in this thread indicating that the older brother has "established residency." How long has he been there? Does he receive his mail there? Etc., etc. All I know is that he "is living in their living room," "drinks and does drugs," "threatens," "swears all the time," and "doesn't pay a penny for rent." The police can and should do something, but it's entirely possible that the three times the police have come, the mom tells them everything is fine. You are correct that the parents have to be involved, but Statler can help by facilitating the process.

Sorry... I have nothing specifically against squatter's rights, just not in my house!
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
The police cannot just throw him out if he lives there, which he does. If he receives mail there, he’s established residency (not saying he did that, I’m pointing out one way to establish residency) and they would need a court order to come throw him out. I’ve lived this. I have direct experience with this. It’s not as easy, not as cut and dry as some of you think. The police have to follow the law. They cannot just come in and make people leave their home. Clearly he’s established he lives there otherwise the police would have escorted him off the property UNLESS his parents are as you said, telling them that there’s no problem. The OP basically described my brother. And 20 years later, he may be off the drugs but everything else is the same and even though he’s never paid my parents a single dime in rent and they cannot just kick him out. If he refuses to go, they have to formally evict. In many states, even squatters have rights. Sad but true.
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They need to file an eviction notice with the court. Also, if he hits anyone or steals, the police can arrest him..
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This is very sad for your Mom and Partner, as they do not need this misery at this time of their Lives. Your Brother has to go immediately, hence inform the Police that You the Family wish to take out a barring order against Your Elder Brother so that if He comes near Your Mother & Partners home again, ring the Police and He will be arrested and thrown into jail.
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Reply to anonymous275053
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Sounds like my ex. Lol! When people are drinking and doing drugs coupled
with mental illness, it is almost impossible to live with them because they bring
you down, way down. Your mother should give him some money to find his
own place. It may cost her something in the beginning but then she can get rid of him. And after that, she does not have to open the door to him anymore.
A studio, something small. She can encourage him and get her home and life back.
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Laura007 Jan 20, 2020
If you've lived with an addict, then you know that you cannot give them money to find their own place. If you give them money, they will spend it on drugs and alcohol. The only way that would work is if the parents invested in another residence for him and the parents paid all the monthly bills, and there's still no promise he would leave them alone.
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If the police won't/can't do anything can you approach this from a mental health perspective? Maybe there's a mental health crisis unit you could call.

The next time he acts threatening call the mental health crisis unit, if there is one. Hopefully they will come out to the house and help calm things down.

It also officially documents the threat, and if there is a repeated history of threats perhaps eventually a court-ordered involuntary admission to a mental hospital will result -- which may very well need to be what happens for the older brother's sake. (You and/or the mental health people would have to get this.)

At the hospital they will him get back on his meds, stop the drinking, and maybe discharge him to a group home where he can get some vocational counseling.

Anything, that's how things *should* work, IMO.

If there is a physical assault or stealing, then that's a police matter as someone else wrote.
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If he was INVITED to live there, than the police are telling the truth. I've watched too many True Crime shows with DH that this situation has come up; once invited to stay, the police cannot force them to leave.

An eviction becomes necessary.

I like the idea of setting him up in his own apartment and then NOT inviting him back! Your mother owes nothing to this child and you need to be sure that she knows, understands and agrees with you on this. Otherwise, you are hearing half a story.

Senior Protection Agency is a good decision on your part! Kudos to you.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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Someone comes to take mom and dad out for a weekend trip.
Two or three friends or relatives, big burly guys (maybe even a private security person) arrive at the house and insist that brother pack his bag right now. If he goes quietly, they will give him cash, a ticket out of town, and a ride to the airport or bus station.
The moment he is gone, a locksmith comes to change the locks on all doors.
Could work.
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Joannepr Jan 24, 2020
I kinda like this idea!
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Get some professional advice, from a social worker and attorney. It sounds like your brother needs to be in supportive housing. Try to get him set up with supportive social services, if your town offers this. Your parents shouldn't have to live with someone who is threatening them. This is dangerous for them.
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Do your parents know what they need to do to evict him?

You could help them with the process and get some big tough man to stay with them for the time it takes to do the legal process.

I would also check into doing a month to month rent agreement that has a 3 days eviction notice for certain activities. This would shorten the process to 3 days and the state time allowed (5 days is common) so 8 days to have him evicted.

Everything needs to be in writing with proof of services. Hire a legal server, it is worth the money.

Are your parents on board with kicking him out or does he have them scared to death? Sometimes we have to use the same tactics and create a good reason for the person to leave.

I like the idea of renting him a studio apartment and paying the 1st months rent, put a legal change of address and change the locks at mom's house. I would install security cameras and then call the police every time he shows up. But mom has to be the one to say, "I am being threatened and I don't want him here." Without that you are just waiting for the final outcome.

Can you tell us if mom is willing to do whatever it takes to get him out?
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 20, 2020
You know, hiring a body guard may be a good idea but it is most likely very expensive to do so. Could the brother press charges on the body guard if he attempted to hurt him? It is an interesting thought.
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They can legally evict him.
A trip to the courthouse, fill out some papers and they will get a court date.
They might want to send him a certified letter asking him to leave and give a date so when they go to court they can tell the judge that he has been asked to leave and has refused.
If they are afraid that he will harm them they can also ask for an order of protection, again simple paperwork done at the courthouse.
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If worse comes to worse, the mom may have to sell the house and move into a retirement/indepentent living community with her partner where only the two of them can reside (sans squatter). Dealing with an addict with mental issues is not something they should have to deal with.
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Who called the police? Who called APS?

The only way to have him hit the road that will be acceptable to your mother and therefore supported by her is to offer him a realistic and better alternative. What are his options?

You don't say, for example:

how old he is
when the diagnoses came about
what brought him back to his mother's home
when that happened

... which leads me to read into this that you have zero interest in your brother's welfare but simply want him gone. That would be understandable, even fair enough, except that you have to understand that your mother is not going to follow through on any action that does not include the aim of supporting him. She doesn't feel the same as you do about him. And without *her* input, getting him out will be next to impossible unless somebody gets seriously hurt.
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disgustedtoo Jan 20, 2020
Even if OP and we had concerns about this brother, until he himself is ready to acknowledge his issues and deal with them, he is at the bottom of any to-do list. If it means he ends up on the street or worse, so be it. No one can make him change his destructive behavior.

The only concern OP and we should have is for mom and her partner. My final (probably most viable - I did edit that and add another suggestion to move them to OP's place or AL close by, for a bit) suggestion was to get guardianship for mom (she has medical issues, including dementia.) I suspect no backbone for mom as well, so OP really needs to get legal advice and get the balls rolling to get mom (her partner can stay/move with her, but OP'd likely have no say in that) OUT of this place, control over her finances, terminate the rental when possible and/or sell the house.

Although it is his brother, he is not his keeper. Although this dope upsets and threatens mom, with or without dementia, it is still her son and she likely waivers about throwing him out. Someone with their wits intact needs to take over for her! I don't think trying to convince them to evict him or throw him out is ever going to see the light of day.
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Call APS, serve eviction notice. There may be sufficient evidence for moving them temporarily for their safety.
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worriedinCali Jan 20, 2020
The OP cannot serve an eviction notice. They don’t have the authority to evict.
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Statler - many questions and concerns. Your profile indicates mom has dementia as well as other medical issues. Does anyone have POAs for her? If not, it would be wise to consult with an EC atty to see if this can be done (sometimes it can be, when still in early stages - attorney will determine this.)

As for brother, no indication of age, job status, if he was "invited" to stay, how mom might feel about kicking him out, etc. Mom, although upset by his behavior, might be reluctant to throw her son out onto the street. This could be an issue in trying to evict or get him escorted out. As others have said, eviction might be the only way to get him out, BUT mom and her partner would have to initiate this AND stick to their guns. If he is that unpredictable, it could end badly too.

Could you discreetly install any cameras, so that you have evidence of his drug use, behavior and threats? APS would probably perk up if you had such proof - then it would be considered elder abuse and they could get the law involved.

Could you get the locks changed while he is out of the house? This won't prevent a determined someone from getting back in (con mom, break in, etc.)

If this is a rental, could you initiate a move before their term is over and get them out? The landlord would then have the fun of eviction... If it is their home, this is going to be a huge issue if mom and partner are not up to standing up to him, won't kick him out, etc. You may have to file for guardianship, then you would have the legal system behind you to move them, sell the place, get him out, etc.

I would certainly seek out EC attorneys (www.naela.org - use zip code to get local list). Many offer a free consult. Have all your questions and concerns written up before and discuss this with each of the attorneys, ask for what can be done and how much, etc. Take notes!

Additional concerns beyond the detestable living arrangement is whether he is bilking money and/or selling their property to bolster his drink/drug money. You really need some good legal help!

Temporary solution - could you ensure there's nothing valuable there and have mom and her partner either come to stay with you for a short while or, even better have them stay for a few weeks or month at an assisted living place near you (if you have enough to pay for it, do that and tell them it's a mini-vacation!) They might actually like the place - being away from the abuse and turmoil, and being with others, activities, less day-to-day chores, etc, they might want to stay! That would be great!
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My nephew has been alternately nice and toxic angry with his parents. He has his own place a block away, but barges in unannounced (and often angry) day and night. The problem is my sister-in-law has strong feelings about covering for a family member and not calling outside the family for help. (What? a court order against our SON? NEVER!) This can be a strong deterrent to getting them the peace they desire.
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my2cents Jan 20, 2020
Sister in law is an enabler and needs as much help as her son. She may never change because getting the court order is more than she can live with. If sister in law is complaining about the problem - then you can reply with there are steps to take to put a stop to it when you're ready.
If your brother in law is the complainer, he has two people to lay down the law for...or he needs to move on if it is no longer something he can live with. Sad but true
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They will have to legally evict him, change the locks, and not change their minds later on when he is sobbing on the front porch. Do you think they can take it that far?

Once you allow someone to hang their hat in your house, it becomes their residence and you cannot just lock them out or have police tell them to leave. It becomes a legal eviction process.

Threats can be considered a violation of law depending on what was said, what he did, etc, Calling the cops for that might land him in jail a day or so, but then he could return unless a restraining order is approved and renewed as needed in a court of law. If parents don't show up for a hearing, the order will likely be dropped and the problem starts over. They can also call the cops if they find drugs in the house. Again, he will get arrested and spend X days in jail and get out. ---unless he continues to bring drugs home and they continue to get him arrested. Then there's the chance he could get more time in state or county jail.

As for you, you can assist your parents in doing these things, but it's their house and they have to get the ball rolling.
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Oskigirl Jan 20, 2020
If he gets sent to jail for a threat or, God forbid, actual physical assault, the judge will likely issue an concurrent restraining order. That has been my experience in a couple of states. Although I cannot state this with certainty in Washington, I can't imagine that it is not the same there. This may be the unfortunate, but "best," way of getting him out.
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Unfortunately he probably won't leave, and they probably don't have the stamina it takes to kick him out. If he goes too far off the rails maybe they can get him baker acted and you can change the locks. But they will probably open the door. My brother and nephew lived with my mom, and everyday I would have to go over and clean up after them so my mom didn't trip on something and hurt herself, and this was a house I bought for my mom to live in. But unless I wanted to hang out there full time and act as security guard there wasn't much I could do. I did take over her bank accounts so she couldn't finance them. Because she didn't know ten bucks from 1000 bucks by then. It sounds like some event is going to have to happen for him to get out. My mother passed away after falling and breaking her pelvis for the second time in two years. They didn't even call for an ambulance. I had to do that the next day when I went over to do my daily routine of getting her up and at 'em for the day. I did get them out after she died by making them sign a lease that said they would vacate within two months. Figured I would need that to evict them.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 23, 2020
How sad. So sorry you went through that experience. Awful.
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Get an attorney to evict him. YOU can start process by helping them serve an eviction notice. In California, the resident has 30 days to move after being served. Check other states.

The sheriff/police CAN move him out with a Court order.

Call Adult Protective Services. Certainly they can do something as well, particularly if he is dangerous or threatens to be.
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worriedinCali Jan 20, 2020
The OP has no authority and cannot start the process. It’s not her home. And she’s not in California.
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If he has 30 days to leave after eviction, he might become even worse or maybe violent. It sounds like your parents may be in danger. Maybe they can stay with you until he leaves, Then he might destroy their home, don't forget to change the locks so he doesn't come back. Very bad situation.
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Evict him and follow through, if he doesn't leave have the police come and escort him out along with his belongings. I would also suggest getting a restraining order that specifies the distant he needs to stay from the house and their persons.
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DeniseMiller Jan 26, 2020
The police just won’t go and remove Someone. You have to get the order first and not just a regular order you get a vulnerable adult protective order against them then they can remove them also with eviction it takes 30 to 90 days to evict someone if they leave at all., protective orders help considerably., just saying.

your right with this just backwards a bit . I’m just adding and didn’t want you to feel like I was stepping on your toes great comment ..
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Maybe could look into BakerAct if he is dangerous. My Mom had my brother BakerActed years ago since he has borderline schizophrenic personality disorder. They kept him 2 weeks in facility. Unfortunately after that they released him once manageable again and he was on Medicaid so state won’t keep them long term. He wasn’t violent with my mom though, just erratic behavior and thinking aliens after him.
If can get him out temporarily then formally start eviction process. Once someone has permission to live somewhere they cannot be forced to leave without eviction. I lived and worked on a horse farm once in Florida and they had a small trailer on back of property with a landscape employee that moved in for 1 month. He came in my house 1 night through back door and I found him passed out in my closet drunk, sleeping on my dirty clothes pile holding my dirty underwear! Thankfully got him to get up willingly and out of my house, but when called cops they said nothing they could do. If property owner gave him permission to live on property he was allowed to enter Any residence on entire property at will! He wasn’t even a legal citizen! They said only recourse was formal eviction. Thankfully property owner fired him and he left willingly, but unbelievable no recourse for invading someone else’s personal space and dangerous! Formal eviction or BakerAct is probably only way to get your brother out but your Mom has to be strong and follow through, and do remove anything of value so he can’t steal it and sell for drugs. Best of luck in a very hard situation.
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DeniseMiller Jan 26, 2020
I’m just adding to your comment. What a road you were on wow scary.. but there are also vulnerable protective orders you can file against someone that’s putting you or your parents in danger it’s called a VAPO (vulnerable adult protective order) You get it by filling at court And it has to be a Supreme Court not city . Then you don’t have to wait the thirty to 120 day eviction. After you file take the order personally to your local police department and hand the order directly to them they will take it and serve the exploiter. Squatter etc. they person will be removed ASAP. And if they return they will be arrested. I got an attorney that’s what helped me considerably but I think you can get a VAPO on your own if you can’t afford an attorney. Glad you are safe ..
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