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He has made their lives miserable. They are very kind peaceful people that do not want to live out the rest of their lives with this aggressive angry man living in their living room. The police have come three times, they said nothing they can do. He drinks and does drugs. He doesn't medicate himself properly. The county came over senior protection type of service haven't heard back from them in two weeks. He threatens my mom's partner, he swears all the time, and to boot he doesn't pay a penny for rent. What can I do to have him hit the road? I don't live there and can only come by every couple of weeks. Please help.

Your parents need to evict him and get an order of protection and have him escorted off the premises.

Then they can press charges for trespassing if he comes back.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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My sick brother did the same thing to my folks on several occasions. It drove my poor mother crazy as she was dealing with the onset of Parkinson's in dad and he was unable to really do much.

Finally, my other 2 brothers stepped up to him, read him the riot act and since he (OB) was already in some trouble with the law, he chose to leave and shortly thereafter, mother and dad moved out.

Pretty much robbed my parents blind though--the things that can go on when you are not there can be appalling. OB had mom and dad take out a home equity loan and we didn't know until they went to sell that instead of having a comfortable $300K, they had less than $50K. That and the theft and pawning of everything of any value left them reliant on SS.

He was toxic to the max and they were scared to death of him. Help your parents out--sounds like they act like mine did--just scared and sick.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 16, 2020
Mid,

You said it, honey! My oldest brother started stealing from us at my parents home too. They have to support their drug habit somehow. Anything of value had to be placed under our pillows when we slept, otherwise it would be stolen by him. It was so confusing to me as a kid.

My brother would camp out with them from time to time after the rest of us kids moved out. Broke my heart, felt sad that my brother couldn’t beat his demons and I was always afraid for my parents.

I suppose the worst was when he committed armed robbery and he was arrested at my parents home. Was on the evening news and everything.

That broke my parents hearts. He did 7 years in jail for that crime. My parents visited him. I never did. I just couldn’t but it effected me in ways that I did not expect. Hard to explain. I struggled to eat because I knew that he would be eating slop. I have always had the problem of not being able to eat when I get terribly upset. I know some people turn to food but I have always done the opposite. I can’t eat.

When my brother got out of jail he continued his same lifestyle. Hell, he did drugs in jail. Don’t think prisoners don’t have access to drugs. They do.

Anyway, many times he tried to crash at my house. No way! I didn’t even leave a tiny crack for that to happen. I grew up with him as an addict so I knew the pain. There was absolutely no way in hell that I would expose my kids to that. Eventually, I had to completely cut him out of my life.

He’s been dead since 2013. I did made peace with him at the end of his life at the hospice facility. I was the one to make his cremation and burial arrangements.

Growing up in such dysfunction leaves scars, doesn’t it, Mid? Plus, it’s really hard to sort out our emotions as kids and I had no clue how to articulate those emotions as a kid.

God knows, throughout the years I tried to help my brother and in general was the ‘peacemaker’ in my family, desperately trying to heal the hurt.

After a bazillion attempts and feeling enormous pain, I finally surrendered and realized I did not have any super powers. So, that’s where it stands.

I guess that leaves me sort of like an orphan without the family that I grew up with, which is unfortunate but, hey I don’t miss the agony from mom or my brothers!

Thank God for this forum and a good therapist! You and I are works in progress, Mid but there is healing for us. Stay strong and I will do my best as well. Hugs!

Take care, Mid. I always feel a strong connection to anything that you post. Keep sharing your wisdom, Mid. We love you! 💗
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How terrible! Sorry your family is going through this. Could security cameras (if it were possible to install them without brother knowing about it) help, to document the behaviors? If you know there are illegal drugs in the house with vulnerable elders there, is it possible to call the police at that moment about them?

I hope you can find some answers to, at the very least, get this destructive person out of your mom's house. I'm sorry he's mentally ill but I'm even more concerned about the vulnerable elderly people he's endangering and scaring.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Way too much thinking going on here!

Call the police and APS and get your brother escorted off the property. If he's "squatting," there's no rental agreement and no eviction process required. Just because he's your mother's son, doesn't give him special privileges to do whatever he wants in her home. What if it was some random guy they met at the supermarket who followed them home and convinced them to let him stay? You'd call the police, right?

You can help by doing the calling yourself, but make sure your mom is 100% on board, because you do not want to show up 'guns blazing' only to have your mom say "It's really o.k. He can stay."
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
Did you miss where the OP says the police have been called and can’t do anything? And yes, there is an eviction process even for squatters. Just look at the 4 mom squatters just evicted in Oakland california. If he’s established residency, the police cannot and will not escort him off the property without a court order. The OP doesn’t live there so she doesn’t have the authority to have him removed. Her parents have to be the ones to do it.
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Sounds like my ex. Lol! When people are drinking and doing drugs coupled
with mental illness, it is almost impossible to live with them because they bring
you down, way down. Your mother should give him some money to find his
own place. It may cost her something in the beginning but then she can get rid of him. And after that, she does not have to open the door to him anymore.
A studio, something small. She can encourage him and get her home and life back.
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Laura007 Jan 20, 2020
If you've lived with an addict, then you know that you cannot give them money to find their own place. If you give them money, they will spend it on drugs and alcohol. The only way that would work is if the parents invested in another residence for him and the parents paid all the monthly bills, and there's still no promise he would leave them alone.
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Someone comes to take mom and dad out for a weekend trip.
Two or three friends or relatives, big burly guys (maybe even a private security person) arrive at the house and insist that brother pack his bag right now. If he goes quietly, they will give him cash, a ticket out of town, and a ride to the airport or bus station.
The moment he is gone, a locksmith comes to change the locks on all doors.
Could work.
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Joannepr Jan 24, 2020
I kinda like this idea!
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If worse comes to worse, the mom may have to sell the house and move into a retirement/indepentent living community with her partner where only the two of them can reside (sans squatter). Dealing with an addict with mental issues is not something they should have to deal with.
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Worried,
I don't think I've read anything in this thread indicating that the older brother has "established residency." How long has he been there? Does he receive his mail there? Etc., etc. All I know is that he "is living in their living room," "drinks and does drugs," "threatens," "swears all the time," and "doesn't pay a penny for rent." The police can and should do something, but it's entirely possible that the three times the police have come, the mom tells them everything is fine. You are correct that the parents have to be involved, but Statler can help by facilitating the process.

Sorry... I have nothing specifically against squatter's rights, just not in my house!
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worriedinCali Jan 16, 2020
The police cannot just throw him out if he lives there, which he does. If he receives mail there, he’s established residency (not saying he did that, I’m pointing out one way to establish residency) and they would need a court order to come throw him out. I’ve lived this. I have direct experience with this. It’s not as easy, not as cut and dry as some of you think. The police have to follow the law. They cannot just come in and make people leave their home. Clearly he’s established he lives there otherwise the police would have escorted him off the property UNLESS his parents are as you said, telling them that there’s no problem. The OP basically described my brother. And 20 years later, he may be off the drugs but everything else is the same and even though he’s never paid my parents a single dime in rent and they cannot just kick him out. If he refuses to go, they have to formally evict. In many states, even squatters have rights. Sad but true.
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If he was INVITED to live there, than the police are telling the truth. I've watched too many True Crime shows with DH that this situation has come up; once invited to stay, the police cannot force them to leave.

An eviction becomes necessary.

I like the idea of setting him up in his own apartment and then NOT inviting him back! Your mother owes nothing to this child and you need to be sure that she knows, understands and agrees with you on this. Otherwise, you are hearing half a story.

Senior Protection Agency is a good decision on your part! Kudos to you.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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They can legally evict him.
A trip to the courthouse, fill out some papers and they will get a court date.
They might want to send him a certified letter asking him to leave and give a date so when they go to court they can tell the judge that he has been asked to leave and has refused.
If they are afraid that he will harm them they can also ask for an order of protection, again simple paperwork done at the courthouse.
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