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My 75 year old mother has given up. She has no physical problems except a broken femur and hip. She had a car accident many years ago, and although she recovered, she was never back to her 100% physical self. Now at this point she has 24 hour care at home, and has been on a rather fast decline. She hasn't gotten out of bed in 3 years, her cognitive functions are declining, possibly due to Parkinson's disease. I have 2 special needs older brothers that live at home with her and have taken too many responsibilities in her care. I can see that she has fallen into such a deep depression that I feel she has given up and lost her will to live. I hoped that me traveling home to see her would help, but she has stopped talking and now it's almost like she won't recognize or acknowledge me. I have to leave here in a few days since I live in the US and she is in a foreign country. How can I help her, either to go and rest, or keep fighting. I've talked to her and told her that I would rather miss her than see her wasting away as she is, and whatever outcome I will take care of my brothers for the rest of their lives.


I don't know what else to do, but I feel that I have to leave it to her and her choice. What more could I do?

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I think quite honestly many of us are ready to go at a certain point. I am 78. I get around well and am very grateful, but I have little guts for old age, and there isn't a lot of upside, in all truth. I honestly wish there were more options for us when we have lived good long lives and are ready. I would be at peace. You cannot give someone the will to live. Life becomes simply too difficult for many of us.
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JoAnn29 Feb 2020
My MIL it was because she could not have it her way anymore. She had a really nice home in FLa. Lots nicer than she had in NJ and England. It became a status symbol for her. At 91 she was showing signs of age decline but a UTI is what landed her in the hospital and rehab. She was told she could not live alone and none of us could move where she was. So it was finish her rehab and make a decision which son she was going to live near. She chose to will herself to die.
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I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this. You have a lot on your plate.
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Boy, that's frustrating. My mom is almost 77 and I feel like she gave up a while ago too. She's not in nearly as bad condition as your mom, but soooo many similarities.

How does your mom care for your special needs brothers? Seems like they're taking care of her.
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fransjoe Feb 2020
Yeah, they've been taking care of her with the help of my aunts (her sisters). But they've gone above and beyond what they can do.
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I don't think you can do too much for Mom. Seems she may want it this way. I would worry about ur brothers. How will they cope when Moms not there anymore. Can you get them set up with an agency that will look out for them?
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fransjoe Feb 2020
There are no agencies down in Guatemala for them, and the Federal Government here just closed the door for me to be able to claim them and bring them to the US with its "Public Charge" clause in the immigration laws.
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