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Looking back I wished I had talked with my mom about family photos and who were in them, written it down. Also more stories of her childhood, favorite memories about each person, family ties that she kept up with that I was unaware of & their contact info. Clarified family recipes. Her wishes & dreams, anything that I wonder about now. Most elderly have short term memory loss but have good recall from earlier in their life.
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Ask her about her grandparents or older aunts or uncles, or her siblings, who was her best friend. Food she liked. Her first date, or why she didn't ever date. A pet.
My dad is full of vivid information about his Grandmother (she was born in1868)
My mom was "seeing kids" Was calming for her to describe the kids, and it was actually joyful. Ask a simple question.
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My mom is 99 and lives in memory care. Talking about the past either confuses her or makes her sad and anxious. So on the days I visit, I check her supplies and general appearance and limit the two way conversation. I do her nails, comb her hair, clean her glasses while we wait for her weekly denture sanitizer cycle to finish and after a quick potty stop (make sure she is clean & dry) I invite her to the lunchroom for a quick snack if she acknowledges that she is hungry. Rare times, I lay out a hand of solitaire and turn the cards for her to put in place while we watch her TV. Most times, she will defer to either going back to bed or she will lose interest, get up and walk out and down the hall to the lunchroom. She enjoys the brief physical attention and I can fill the one sided conversation with prompts, congratulations and mindless chatter.
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Mintmint04: Imho, show her displays of love.
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I agree Llama. When there isn't much time left just express all the love you can.

When I was with my mom during her last days I just kept saying I love you and caressing her hand. She couldn't respond at that point anyways. But love is a palpable thing I think.
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I started writing down my own memories during the lockdown. It's hard to find where to start, so I decided to begin with each house I've lived in. Each early house branches out to school memories and growing up memories, then the more recent houses branched out to memories of raising our kids.

Start by asking your mom about the things only she will know, specifically her childhood. What was something that she doesn't need to do the old way any longer because of innovations? (I think about how in my lifetime, we used typewriters, not computers, there were no TV remotes, microwaves, or seatbelts in the early days of my childhood, and I even remember when NBC switched over to color.
Ask here what the biggest technological innovation was to her.

Conversations will evolve from one topic to another, but you can always look up prompts for memoir writing for questions to ask.

You can
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Ask her specific questions now and record her with your phone. My mom passed in April so watching videos of her talk about the 'olden days' is very comforting and I'm glad I took the time to record her. I guess I knew that her days were numbered. I also listen to her old voicemails of happier and healthier times. God bless you and hold her hand tightly.
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97yroldmom Apr 2022
I wish I had done more of this. So precious.
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My Mom is also 99 and will be 100 on Boxing Day. We love watching game shows together and a local program produced in our province of Newfoundland about the people of Newfoundland. We talk about the old days sometimes when she was young and also about her and dad and things they did together. Recently, I got her to elaborate on how she met dad. If there are any friends they may have had in their younger years which you have forgotten the names of, who may want to ask about them now. Maybe get out some old pictures and talk about where the pics were taken, what was happening the day the picture was taken and the names of the people in them. You may want to write their names on the back. Just do a few at a time so as not to overwhelm her with too many questions. Also looking down at pics too long will probably irritate the back of her neck. I know it irritates my Mom’s. Hope this helps. Take care. Brenda, Newfoundland
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What about using a current topic as a segue to an account one of her past experiences? e.g. Today's shipping container backlog creating merchandise shortages. How did her family deal with rationing during WWII? Touching on the past might invite her to bring up topics to share with you. Past generations in my family didn't seem to talk about their childhoods, their parents, etc. I've always wanted to know more about things like that.
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Her memories. Her accomplishments. How she survived bad times. What were her teenage years like. What hobbies she had. Etc.
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