I don’t live close to the facility but I stay at my dad’s for 3-4 days at a time, every other week because he does live close to the SNF and I can spend time with him ( he’s 87) and visit with her.My dad feels really weird about visiting her. He feels like he might upset her or make her angry. He has gone maybe about 5 times in the 3 years she’s been there. Last year on her birthday he did visit her. There was no bad incident but she didn’t really pay attention to him or care too much that he was there.Here is my question. I want to have a little get together for her upcoming birthday. I want my dad to be there and my niece and nephew ( they rarely visit but I thought it would be nice to have them there. Is this a good idea? She does have Alzheimer’s so I’m hoping she is not overwhelmed by the occasion.i really just want her to have a lovely day on her 90 th birthday. What do you think?
The facility will have something for her, this is her home now.
I would make it short and sweet as she will not remember the occasion anyway.
As for your father, I wouldn't force the issue.
Keep their visit short. What’s a normal birthday party for us can present problems for those with dementia. Don’t do presents with wrappings and ribbons. The patient may not understand the gifts or how to open them, may show inappropriate behavior, may become upset at the change in daily life.
Good luck!
Besides that, if your parents are still married of course he should be there to celebrate her birthday along with any other family members you want there.
But of course I would keep the celebration short and sweet as not to overwhelm your mom.
It's not weird that the father is hesitant about visiting his wife with Alzheimer's in a care facility. A lot of men from his generation are like that. It doesn't mean these men don't love and care about their wives. They're from a generation where they didn't see anything. Most of them never even changed one of their kids diapers when they were babies.