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This is common with dementia. There can be a number of reasons. Fear of falling Not knowing how to shower. (I know sounds crazy right! but if you look at all the steps to "simply" taking a shower there is a lot that has to be done. There is also the noise. Being pelted in the head and torso is frightening as well. There are Agencies that have "Shower Aides" and many of them works some sort of magic and are able to get people to shower that are resistant. I have watched a particular CNA work magic like this and am in awe each time. If mom is on any medication for pain you also might want to "pre medicate" her so that if she is in pain that is eased a bit before you begin. If she is taking any medication of anxiety again you might want to pre medicate her. When you do get her into the shower try a few of these ideas A shower bench or chair so she is less likely to slip and fall. (I used an old walker for my husband he would hold onto the walker while I showered him. We do have Grab Bars but I could not get him to hold them but he would hold the walker.) Turn mom so that her back is to the water so head and chest are not being hit by water. Turn off the water after wetting her so the room is more quiet. Talk to her in a soft quiet voice. Noises seem louder in the bathroom and that can be frightening. Water shoes with a non slip bottom so she is less likely to slip
Have you asked mom why she doesn't want to shower? Oftentimes an elder with dementia is afraid of something, like the water pelting her. Or slipping, that was my mom's issue. After much ado, it finally dawned on me to get her water shoes from Amazon. That did the trick. Some like the shower head that comes off and can be hand held and regulated that way. A shower chair is good too. Maybe mom doesn't want to be naked. Have her shower in a swimsuit. Maybe she is afraid of seeing a stranger in the mirror (herself) so the mirror should be covered up. See if you can pinpoint the problem so it can be fixed.
I have started using Scrubzz. Dip them in water, they lather up and clean well then towel dry. No rinsing needed and very gentle. You can purchase online or in store. My mother no longer gets in the bathtub and these work great. They can be used on private areas also with no irritation . Can also cut in half or quarters to save money .
People who have dementia often have an aversion to water. There are a lot of suggestions you may try on this thread. I tried many things with my cousin and then father. Begging, promising treats, drives in the car, cash, ……You can try a sink bath too if the shower is too overwhelming. Playing music, bath aids sometimes can help depending on how receptive they are. Good luck.
Would your mother be open to using the disposable washcloths that are sold in most drug stores? Pretty easy to use and she may like having the control of using them herself without having to shower.
Yes. Have her do a “whore’s bath” in the sink. She basically fills the bathroom sink with water and spot washes with a washcloth. My mom won’t shower but she’ll do this and at least wash her private parts and the basics get cleaned. Try that.
My mom had dementia and putting her in the shower was difficult and she reacted like she was being tortured. So I stopped trying after 2 times like that and gave her a sponge bath instead while she sat on the toilet. Simply realize, once or twice a week is all you may get to do. The ideal frequency for elderly individuals varies, but generally, 2-3 times per week is sufficient. This helps maintain cleanliness without excessively drying out the skin, which can be more delicate with age. I found it is better not to insist and just drop it if they don't want to and try again later or the next day.
I do not know how old your mother is but as of today I am 82. I am noticing how infrequently I am showering whereas before retiring I would shower just about every night before going to work. Sometimes I forget when I last bathed, and it is only when I start smelling myself that I am motivated to bath. It is not only not bathing but I also no longer want to shave, I sleep too much and there are probably other things I could mention that I prefer not to do that I should be doing. You do not mention that your mother soils herself, or has an unclean odor about herself, or any hygiene issue that warrants medical attention. If so let her alone until her behaviors do require medical intervention. So far what I do does not appear to bother my wife.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There can be a number of reasons.
Fear of falling
Not knowing how to shower. (I know sounds crazy right! but if you look at all the steps to "simply" taking a shower there is a lot that has to be done.
There is also the noise.
Being pelted in the head and torso is frightening as well.
There are Agencies that have "Shower Aides" and many of them works some sort of magic and are able to get people to shower that are resistant. I have watched a particular CNA work magic like this and am in awe each time.
If mom is on any medication for pain you also might want to "pre medicate" her so that if she is in pain that is eased a bit before you begin.
If she is taking any medication of anxiety again you might want to pre medicate her.
When you do get her into the shower try a few of these ideas
A shower bench or chair so she is less likely to slip and fall. (I used an old walker for my husband he would hold onto the walker while I showered him. We do have Grab Bars but I could not get him to hold them but he would hold the walker.)
Turn mom so that her back is to the water so head and chest are not being hit by water.
Turn off the water after wetting her so the room is more quiet.
Talk to her in a soft quiet voice. Noises seem louder in the bathroom and that can be frightening.
Water shoes with a non slip bottom so she is less likely to slip
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
My mother no longer gets in the bathtub and these work great. They can be used on private areas also with no irritation . Can also cut in half or quarters to save money .
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