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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom used to be so well groomed then things changed when she hit 90. She claimed she was afraid of falling, even tho we had grab bars, a bench to sit on, hand held shower head, and anti-slip bath strips put in the tub. She would stink from head to toe. I would nag her until I was blue in the face. One day, when she was coming out of the bathroom, I blocked the doorway and told her it was time for a bath. She threatened to beat me up LOL (she had Alzheimer's) and I gently told her she wasn't going to do that. I got her into the bath and washed her from head to toe, then rubbed her down with a nice scented lotion, which I did once a week. In-between times, I got some of the rinseless cleansing foam and washed her down with that and baby wipes. Mom may be easily coerced if you took her shopping at a bath shop, and buy some good smelling shower gel and after bath lotions and sprays. Then go home and try them out.
Yes. Have her do a “whore’s bath” in the sink. She basically fills the bathroom sink with water and spot washes with a washcloth. My mom won’t shower but she’ll do this and at least wash her private parts and the basics get cleaned. Try that.
Would your mother be open to using the disposable washcloths that are sold in most drug stores? Pretty easy to use and she may like having the control of using them herself without having to shower.
I do not know how old your mother is but as of today I am 82. I am noticing how infrequently I am showering whereas before retiring I would shower just about every night before going to work. Sometimes I forget when I last bathed, and it is only when I start smelling myself that I am motivated to bath. It is not only not bathing but I also no longer want to shave, I sleep too much and there are probably other things I could mention that I prefer not to do that I should be doing. You do not mention that your mother soils herself, or has an unclean odor about herself, or any hygiene issue that warrants medical attention. If so let her alone until her behaviors do require medical intervention. So far what I do does not appear to bother my wife.
This is SO common! There can be many reasons she is reluctant - you should ask her why she does not want to bathe, so you can address her issues.
Most likely, it is because she feels unsafe. Make sure she has a comfortable and safe shower, complete with a shower chair, and there are not access issues, that is, anything to trip over. She may not like the feel of the shower. It could feel like an uncomfortable stinging to her. Or, she may simply be afraid of water or getting wet. That is another common dementia behavior. That can be addressed by helping her with bathing, allowing her to sit comfortably, and have someone wash her, and gently pour warm water over her, or with sponge baths - not even in the shower. It takes a lot of patience and effort - having a wash basin, soft towel and washcloths, keeping her comfortable, covered so she doesn't get cold.
With her dementia, she may not even understand the reason for bathing, or think that she has recently taken a bath, and that she is clean.
Don't make it an argument. That will only distress her more. You will have to compromise somewhat on this issue. She will not be as clean as you expect, but you can help her by hiring a bath aide, if she will cooperate. You can buy disposable washcloths, ( pre-moistened wipes) and encourage her to clean under pits, groin area regularly if she is able to do this independently. Encourage her to take a warm, soft washcloth to wash her face. She may simply need instruction.
My husband after his stroke became very combative about bathing. He is immobile, so requires a sponge bath in bed. I try and keep it quick. I focus on the groin and lower body during the first daily diaper change. When he is sitting up in his wheelchair, I try and clean his face, neck, underarms. It's a fight. I have learned to be quick, and to try and keep out of his reach, because he will grab the towel, pull it out of my hand, and throw it. Next, he will try and knock over the water basin. I used to be able to give him a role, like holding the dry hand towel, instructing him to use it to dry after I wash. Or give him a damp cloth and instruct him to wash his face. He refuses cooperation now with any part of it. I just do the best I can, and accept that is enough.
I went through this with my mother as well. Just like yours, she used to be focused on cleanliness, but something happens with dementia and their brain just doesn't work the same, so be creative and think of all the reasons (some mentioned above) why she doesn't want to get in there, and also how you can alleviate the discomforts and anxieties. The only thing that finally worked for me was having a stranger come in and do it. 🤷🏻♀️ Weird, right? But maybe our familiarity allowed her to resist and argue, who knows. Best of luck finding what will help you both!
My mom had dementia and putting her in the shower was difficult and she reacted like she was being tortured. So I stopped trying after 2 times like that and gave her a sponge bath instead while she sat on the toilet. Simply realize, once or twice a week is all you may get to do. The ideal frequency for elderly individuals varies, but generally, 2-3 times per week is sufficient. This helps maintain cleanliness without excessively drying out the skin, which can be more delicate with age. I found it is better not to insist and just drop it if they don't want to and try again later or the next day.
I have started using Scrubzz. Dip them in water, they lather up and clean well then towel dry. No rinsing needed and very gentle. You can purchase online or in store. My mother no longer gets in the bathtub and these work great. They can be used on private areas also with no irritation . Can also cut in half or quarters to save money .
People who have dementia often have an aversion to water. There are a lot of suggestions you may try on this thread. I tried many things with my cousin and then father. Begging, promising treats, drives in the car, cash, ……You can try a sink bath too if the shower is too overwhelming. Playing music, bath aids sometimes can help depending on how receptive they are. Good luck.
Have you asked mom why she doesn't want to shower? Oftentimes an elder with dementia is afraid of something, like the water pelting her. Or slipping, that was my mom's issue. After much ado, it finally dawned on me to get her water shoes from Amazon. That did the trick. Some like the shower head that comes off and can be hand held and regulated that way. A shower chair is good too. Maybe mom doesn't want to be naked. Have her shower in a swimsuit. Maybe she is afraid of seeing a stranger in the mirror (herself) so the mirror should be covered up. See if you can pinpoint the problem so it can be fixed.
This is common with dementia. There can be a number of reasons. Fear of falling Not knowing how to shower. (I know sounds crazy right! but if you look at all the steps to "simply" taking a shower there is a lot that has to be done. There is also the noise. Being pelted in the head and torso is frightening as well. There are Agencies that have "Shower Aides" and many of them works some sort of magic and are able to get people to shower that are resistant. I have watched a particular CNA work magic like this and am in awe each time. If mom is on any medication for pain you also might want to "pre medicate" her so that if she is in pain that is eased a bit before you begin. If she is taking any medication of anxiety again you might want to pre medicate her. When you do get her into the shower try a few of these ideas A shower bench or chair so she is less likely to slip and fall. (I used an old walker for my husband he would hold onto the walker while I showered him. We do have Grab Bars but I could not get him to hold them but he would hold the walker.) Turn mom so that her back is to the water so head and chest are not being hit by water. Turn off the water after wetting her so the room is more quiet. Talk to her in a soft quiet voice. Noises seem louder in the bathroom and that can be frightening. Water shoes with a non slip bottom so she is less likely to slip
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There can be many reasons she is reluctant - you should ask her why she does not want to bathe, so you can address her issues.
Most likely, it is because she feels unsafe. Make sure she has a comfortable and safe shower, complete with a shower chair, and there are not access issues, that is, anything to trip over.
She may not like the feel of the shower. It could feel like an uncomfortable stinging to her. Or, she may simply be afraid of water or getting wet. That is another common dementia behavior. That can be addressed by helping her with bathing, allowing her to sit comfortably, and have someone wash her, and gently pour warm water over her, or with sponge baths - not even in the shower.
It takes a lot of patience and effort - having a wash basin, soft towel and washcloths, keeping her comfortable, covered so she doesn't get cold.
With her dementia, she may not even understand the reason for bathing, or think that she has recently taken a bath, and that she is clean.
Don't make it an argument. That will only distress her more. You will have to compromise somewhat on this issue. She will not be as clean as you expect, but you can help her by hiring a bath aide, if she will cooperate. You can buy disposable washcloths, ( pre-moistened wipes) and encourage her to clean under pits, groin area regularly if she is able to do this independently.
Encourage her to take a warm, soft washcloth to wash her face. She may simply need instruction.
My husband after his stroke became very combative about bathing. He is immobile, so requires a sponge bath in bed. I try and keep it quick. I focus on the groin and lower body during the first daily diaper change.
When he is sitting up in his wheelchair, I try and clean his face, neck, underarms. It's a fight. I have learned to be quick, and to try and keep out of his reach, because he will grab the towel, pull it out of my hand, and throw it. Next, he will try and knock over the water basin. I used to be able to give him a role, like holding the dry hand towel, instructing him to use it to dry after I wash. Or give him a damp cloth and instruct him to wash his face. He refuses cooperation now with any part of it. I just do the best I can, and accept that is enough.
Best of luck finding what will help you both!
My mother no longer gets in the bathtub and these work great. They can be used on private areas also with no irritation . Can also cut in half or quarters to save money .
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
There can be a number of reasons.
Fear of falling
Not knowing how to shower. (I know sounds crazy right! but if you look at all the steps to "simply" taking a shower there is a lot that has to be done.
There is also the noise.
Being pelted in the head and torso is frightening as well.
There are Agencies that have "Shower Aides" and many of them works some sort of magic and are able to get people to shower that are resistant. I have watched a particular CNA work magic like this and am in awe each time.
If mom is on any medication for pain you also might want to "pre medicate" her so that if she is in pain that is eased a bit before you begin.
If she is taking any medication of anxiety again you might want to pre medicate her.
When you do get her into the shower try a few of these ideas
A shower bench or chair so she is less likely to slip and fall. (I used an old walker for my husband he would hold onto the walker while I showered him. We do have Grab Bars but I could not get him to hold them but he would hold the walker.)
Turn mom so that her back is to the water so head and chest are not being hit by water.
Turn off the water after wetting her so the room is more quiet.
Talk to her in a soft quiet voice. Noises seem louder in the bathroom and that can be frightening.
Water shoes with a non slip bottom so she is less likely to slip