My mother is hard of hearing and seems to misinterpret everything I say. When I speak louder she thinks I am angry at her. Any suggestions?

After many disagreements with Mum over when I said I would be round next, for example I would say, ‘I’ll be round tomorrow at 2:30’ but when I got there she would say in an accusatory tone, ‘you said you would be round at 12, I thought something had happened, I’ve been waiting for you’, I got a little notebook which I leave by the phone and I write down, ‘Tuesday 7th November, Angela will be round at 2:30 to take you shopping’, she now knows to check the notebook to see what’s planned, which has made things a lot easier.

Whenever my mother was asked about her hearing loss she'd say cheerfully "oh, it drives my daughter round the bend." Doctors, audiologists, nurses, all found it terribly comical and endearing.

Her particular tic was to ask me to repeat what I'd just said and then start answering as soon as I was embarked on the repetition. "So you DID hear me?" "No, no." "?!?"

Hearing is quite a complex brain process. I suppose her habit was like re-reading a sentence, just confirming what she thought it was in the first place? Something like that.

But in any case understanding what goes on only partly helps in not finding it a trial. Just wanting to send hugs and sympathy to go with the good advice above. And do try not to throttle her, I know it's tempting.

Or you could try the reverse. See if you can convince her that you are losing your hearing and can't hear yourself so you must speak louder to hear yourself. It might work.

Agree with Blannie, make face contact first, keep words succinct and to the point and enunciate clearly.

I agree with timbuktu's suggestion to make sure your mom is looking at you before you start to speak. My mom had some form of dementia (no short-term memory and her reasoning skills were shot). I found with her I had to get her attention and then w-a-i-t for a second or two to speak so she could engage her brain (I assume) to listen to me and pay attention. If I didn't do that, she'd invariably say, "HUH?" That nearly drove me insane!

The other things I discovered was I had...to...speak...much...more...slowly, so her brain could process my words. I spoke LOUDLY and cut down on the words I used. The shorter the sentences, the better she could hear and understand me. When I used those tricks, we'd do OK. But the minute I'd start talking without her looking at me or I went to fast or didn't go LOUD enough or used too many words, "HUH" is what I'd get. ARRRRGH!!!!! It can be frustrating as all get out.

First I would rule out anything medical. Has she had her ears checked for wax buildup? Has she been screened for dementia? Also, this is easier said than done, but try not to take her put downs of you personally. You are not stupid and you know that. You may now be dealing with someone who is hard of hearing and now with dementia.Keep communication simple, my husband is hard of hearing and I have learned to not even try to speak to him unless he is looking directly at me, I even sometimes to get his attention quickly stamp my foot on the floor, the vibration he feels is our mutually agreed upon code for "I need to talk to you" without me having to yell. We have been married for 33 yrs. and developed our own "sign language". Again you may be dealing with dementia on top of a hearing loss. I know this has to be very frustrating for you as she lives in you home. Please keep us updated and share anything that works for your situation with us because there are a lot of people on this site that are in your same situation that could use the info. Hugs!

"she talks to me like I am stupid. She lives in my house."
That would be a deal breaker for me.
Use a notebook and write in it what is important for her to hear. Or write routine messages on cards. Dinner is ready. Time for your meds. I'm going out. Whatever you routinely have to tell her. If she misunderstand your words, just write it down. No fuss needed.
Ignore her when she is ugly or misinterprets. I bet if you get on the phone and start calling around for ALFs she will pick up on that.
My husband and I both have poor hearing and need to get hearing aids. Sometimes I tease him and act like I'm talking when I am only moving my mouth without actually speaking. It's usually after he has gone off on a tangent thinking he heard one thing when another was said. He knows what I'm doing but we get a laugh out of it.
My parents were the best at that. My dad would misunderstand what my mom had just said and he would answer her about something they both found more interesting and my mom would go with his topic. Those standing nearby didn't have a clue what was going on. They (parents) knew they had misunderstood but were good natured about it. That's hard to do when you already are having a hard time with the person you are trying to communicate with.
You might consider alternatives the next time she goes to rehab. You don't have to bring her home. You are doing so because you want to. Remind yourself of that.
You have to lie down before someone can use you as a door mat. Any time you are making all the concessions yet the other person is not happy, an adjustment is needed in their expectations. For you to go through all that and they still complain, well, maybe you aren't the right person for the job.