My mother is 91 and lives in an independent living. Because of trying to deal with her rudeness to others I hate taking her anywhere. Any suggestions?

"LOOK at him! He's left-handed!" [about her ophthalmologist]
"Mother, really! - and anyway left-handed people are often very creative."
"Well I don't want him getting creative with my cataract."

Fortunately I think our ophthalmologist had heard much, much worse in his time.

Depending on how long your mother has been dealing with her chronic conditions, I don't think you can assume that she is not suffering from some cognitive decline and quite possibly vascular dementia. The loss of inhibition and the negativity strike loud bells with me. Has this been investigated?

You must not feel responsible for your mother's behaviour, although you should avoid situations where she may cause hurt and offence to people who cannot reasonably be expected to suck it up. But any experienced health care professional who deals regularly with your mother's conditions will be inured to anything she can send their way, I promise you.

In our neck of the woods, we have an organisation called Dementia Friends - just ordinary members of the public who have signed up for basic training in assisting people with dementia. We have little lapel badges so that anyone who needs help, out and about in the ordinary way, knows we're approachable and will understand.

You may not have anything like that, and ours has only made a start on the issue; but believe me more people than you realise will understand and sympathise with what is going on.

Are you certain that your mom isn't dealing with "some" cognitive decline? CHF and COPD might both limit brain flow to the brain over time, leading to what is termed Vascular Dementia. Often, loss of filtering is present.

I would think any qualified therapist would be able to provide support to you.