In the past 5 years, I have watched my mother's health decline.
Originally, Mom lived with me. After several months, my husband gave me a choice of him or her. So I moved my Mom into AL. AL threw her out after 6 months, saying that she needed more care.
I bought her a home and provided care providers for her. Mom's health continued to decline and care providers continued to quit because of her behavior. Mom can be very mean and obnoxious because of her demanding nature. My last provider of only 3 months, informed me that my Mom was going downhill - since the day she was hired. She said every morning when she arrived, she did not know what she was walking into.
One night, Mom pressed her on-call button and was taken to the hospital. Mom was diagnosed with Dementia and Sundowner's. The hospital released Mom into 24/7 care. The senior community informed me after 6 months that she had to leave since they could not provide constant care. The community wanted me to hire a 24/7 companion to stay with her at the senior community.
We moved her into a nursing home. She has been there 3 weeks. She is demanding that she be moved. Mom cannot stand it. She says that all the men are trying to rape her. I believe she is stuck in a past memory from WWII when she may have been raped by a Russian soldier.
I am at my wit's end. She is constantly begging and demanding us to take her out to a different place. Mom demands that we believe her about the situation with all the men at the nursing home. Mom said the same thing about the men at the previous community also.
Mom also says that they are poisoning her. My sister and I are at a loss for what to do.
Wish you all the best
It sounds like she is finally where she needs to be with all the issues she has, so you're going to have to start using little fibs to keep her calm. Next time she talks about these men, and wanting to leave, you can just say that you're working on it right now, but that it might take a while.
Perhaps you can talk to her doctor to see if there is any medication that can help with her paranoia.
It will take time for mom to adjust, so give her the time she needs, and don't even think about moving her again, unless you have solid proof that bad things are happening there. I wish you the best.
I think you will really benefit by watching some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so you can have a better understanding about dementia and the behavior and cognitive changes that come with it. It can be different every day. How one interacts with a demented LO is very important and can make things easier or harder, depending on your approach.
You are not obligated to react every time your mom wants something. Try to create a therapeutic fib to tell her that will calm her down, even for the moment. That's as much as you can do since trying reason with her no longer works. I wish you all the best, I know it is a difficult journey to be on.
You may have to stop taking all of her calls and let the facility deal with her. This isn't new behavior for them.
She would probably do better on the correct antianxiety medication.
She needs to get used to the facility and the people and that will be easier for her to do if she is less afraid, anxious of the people and surroundings.
Once in Memory Care (unless she needs Skilled Nursing) let the staff deal with most of the stuff she is fearful of. they are not new to the fears, hallucinations or delusions.