In the past 5 years, I have watched my mother's health decline.

Originally, Mom lived with me. After several months, my husband gave me a choice of him or her. So I moved my Mom into AL. AL threw her out after 6 months, saying that she needed more care.

I bought her a home and provided care providers for her. Mom's health continued to decline and care providers continued to quit because of her behavior. Mom can be very mean and obnoxious because of her demanding nature. My last provider of only 3 months, informed me that my Mom was going downhill - since the day she was hired. She said every morning when she arrived, she did not know what she was walking into.

One night, Mom pressed her on-call button and was taken to the hospital. Mom was diagnosed with Dementia and Sundowner's. The hospital released Mom into 24/7 care. The senior community informed me after 6 months that she had to leave since they could not provide constant care. The community wanted me to hire a 24/7 companion to stay with her at the senior community.

We moved her into a nursing home. She has been there 3 weeks. She is demanding that she be moved. Mom cannot stand it. She says that all the men are trying to rape her. I believe she is stuck in a past memory from WWII when she may have been raped by a Russian soldier.

I am at my wit's end. She is constantly begging and demanding us to take her out to a different place. Mom demands that we believe her about the situation with all the men at the nursing home. Mom said the same thing about the men at the previous community also.

Mom also says that they are poisoning her. My sister and I are at a loss for what to do.

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She would probably do better in Memory Care.
She would probably do better on the correct antianxiety medication.
She needs to get used to the facility and the people and that will be easier for her to do if she is less afraid, anxious of the people and surroundings.
Once in Memory Care (unless she needs Skilled Nursing) let the staff deal with most of the stuff she is fearful of. they are not new to the fears, hallucinations or delusions.
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Look up a Webinar at on psychosis in dementia. The doctor discusses hallucinations and delusions. This is from the Cleveland Clinic in Las Vegas. Scroll the topics till you see the relevant program.
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I would find her a geriatric psychiatric specialist and see if they can get her to calm down a bit. I don't think meds are always good but, oh my, I can't imagine how hard this is for her to believe that she is at risk of being raped again. Meds can help with this.

You may have to stop taking all of her calls and let the facility deal with her. This isn't new behavior for them.
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I'm currently providing temp care coverage for my 99-yr old aunt Nancy with advanced dementia. She's at her home that she shares with her sister, whom she's lived with her entire life. Over the past 3 weeks she's told stories about people wanting to harm her, kidnap her, or kill her. None of it is true. More than likely your mom's rape stories are just that. My aunt tells more fantastical stories than true ones. We know this because her sister is right here to verify what she says. This is a common phase in dementia. We just let her talk and don't feed into the delusion, instead we try to divert the conversation by coming up with an activity she enjoys or some topic change. She usually stops talking about it soon enough.

I think you will really benefit by watching some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so you can have a better understanding about dementia and the behavior and cognitive changes that come with it. It can be different every day. How one interacts with a demented LO is very important and can make things easier or harder, depending on your approach.

You are not obligated to react every time your mom wants something. Try to create a therapeutic fib to tell her that will calm her down, even for the moment. That's as much as you can do since trying reason with her no longer works. I wish you all the best, I know it is a difficult journey to be on.
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You obviously can't keep moving your mom from here to there, as that does more harm than good, when someone is suffering form dementia.
It sounds like she is finally where she needs to be with all the issues she has, so you're going to have to start using little fibs to keep her calm. Next time she talks about these men, and wanting to leave, you can just say that you're working on it right now, but that it might take a while.
Perhaps you can talk to her doctor to see if there is any medication that can help with her paranoia.
It will take time for mom to adjust, so give her the time she needs, and don't even think about moving her again, unless you have solid proof that bad things are happening there. I wish you the best.
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That's a very difficult situation indeed. Especially with your mom's past trauma resurfacing. No matter where she is, she will still be in her own reality. You can't fix that. Keep her where she is. If the place is a good place, keep her there. Visit her like once a week. You can also visit the staff without going to her.

Wish you all the best
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