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I am my Mom’s caregiver and I did not bring this up to her our Pastor did. I fully support her decision but my family said she is committing suicide. They also told me that this murder. I am so hurt and now I don’t know what to do.

Thanks everyone I have called hospice and refuse to feel guilty. Mom requested this.
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cherokeegrrl54 Jan 25, 2020
Good for you!!! You are honoring your mothers wishes. I used to work in oncology and i lost my husband to pancreatic cancer. Hospice was a godsend for my husband and for me. Do not let your siblings interfere. They need to learn what hospice does, and im guessing they have NO clue what your mom goes through on a daily basis. Healing blessings coming your way! Liz
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Your siblings clearly have never requested, or been given, an explanation of the role of hospice services, who gets the services, and what is offered by different types and levels of hospice.
If I were in your situation, I would remain totally silent as your response to their absurd accusations, and if at all possible, you could request the Pastor to contact them and explain the reason for his or her suggestion to your mom.
Hoping you have a very VERY SMALL FAMILY if they’re all as unhelpful as the group who has harassed you.
I lost an otherwise valuable year of my life because of the assault on me from a very damaged relative, and I feel very comfortable telling you NOT to be hurt by comments that are not only not true but are in fact, total nonsense, because I’ve learned by bitter experience that one should never expect anything from a pig but a grunt.
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ExhaustedPiper Jan 25, 2020
I agree with Ann. Your siblings are horrible to make such ridiculous accusations. Please OP do not take their cruel and very ignorant words to heart.

Ann said what needed to be said about hospice, I’ll just add that they will also comfort and support YOU along with your mother who has requested their services.
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I'm sorry your family is adding to your and your mother's burdens during this very difficult time. You are not alone in this painful delimia.

Years ago my SIL's sister was dying of lung cancer. It had spread into her spine and no pain killers were very effective anymore. Her daughter (a RN) came over one afternoon after her shift and found her mother curled into a tight ball screaming from pain even though she had taken a full dose of pain medications about 60 minutes earlier, including a shot of morphine. The daughter called for an ambulance and directed the hospital to control her pain, even if it caused unconsciousness and/or sped the death process. Many of her aunts and uncles (her mother's siblings) accused her of killing her mother. Many came to their senses after her death but a few have never spoken to the daughter again.

If we honest, most of us fear what we may endure before death much more than dying. I am my mother's HCPOA and Mom has directed she does not want to suffer pain either. I will be endorsing her choices just like you are. I hope my family doesn't put me through the additional stresses you family is inflicting but even if they do, I am going to support Mom's choices.

I will pray you and your mother experience God's comfort during this very difficult time and your family members come to their senses and support you.
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liagko Jan 25, 2020
Thank you this was very helpful
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There is still a lot misinformation and ignorance about hospice. Hospice is simply another layer of care for terminally ill people. Hospice does not kill people but it does make the end of life bearable. It’s not uncommon for patients to improve and graduate from hospice. Your family members need to exercise a few brain cells and read up on the matter.
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I spent eight years as a hospice nurse. It is quite common for other siblings to be critical of the caregiver. Do not let your family tell you that you are a murderer. Hospice is for the patient's comfort, it has nothing to do with suicide. If your mother qualifies for hospice then it's fine to respect her decision. You sound like you are a great support to your mother, please take care. xx
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liagko Jan 25, 2020
Thank you
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Your duty is to your mother. Not your siblings. Do what's best for your mother.
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Studies have shown that the introduction of palliative care in terminally ill patients not only improves their quality of life but actually lengthens life.

https://www.geripal.org/2010/08/palliative-care-prolongs-life.html

It is neither murder nor suicide to prioritize comfort over cures.
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liagko Jan 27, 2020
Thank you so much
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If you have care of your mother, then do what is best for her and don't even talk to the negative voices coming at you.

Hospice is not suicide nor is it murder. It is a gracious, loving way to give someone and honorable and hopefully peaceful death.

This concept of 'life at any cost' is ridiculous and you know it. So sad to have to deal with relatives who don't understand. Let them spend a day with an aging LO who needs to be kept comfortable and pain free....they'll likely change their tune.

You do what you know your mother wants. If she is still lucid enough to make the decision for Hospice, then she can voice this to the relatives, through a phone call or letter.

It's HER choice, not theirs.

And take care of yourself also, while helping mom through this last phase of life. It's more emotionally tasking than you can imagine--but you are doing the right thing.
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Oh goodness, I am so sorry. I just went through something similar with my mom (the patient) and my sister having the issue w Hospice. I was her main caregiver so I knew in my heart when it was time, as she did too. It was the best decision ever made and I know in my heart that it actually extended her life. The Hospice staff is amazing! They offer so much not only to the patient but as Also the family. They are not there to “kill” the patient but rather offer “comfort care”. If and when it comes to pain meds, you can work together but otherwise the other services are a god send. From bathing help, to music therapy and just simply creating relationships that patients needs aside from family and friends. After just losing my mom I learned from her hospice nurses that mom shared secrets she felt she couldn’t tell her family for fear to hurt them perhaps. My point is that they gave her that outlet and I’m grateful she had that. Even on her worst days she refused to cancel her hospice visits because she looked forward to them. Sometimes just a different face, especially when you’re home bound. It’s sad that Hospice has gotten such bad stigma behind it. They are changing the name as they should because it no longer means just “end of life care” but also “comfort care”. There are many patients that graduate several times because the caregivers are so positive and motivating to the patients. My husband has worked for Hospice for the past 10 years and has seen a lot. Mostly though is that it can be a savior for the patient and family. Living longer perhaps, having better says and finding solace through the hearts and care of the see wonderful people. I highly encourage you to move ahead. Have professionals talk to the family to help them understand perhaps. It’s so important? Especially for the patient. We have to remember that the patient is the one seeing their mortality and how frightening or confusing they must be. Something we could never help them with. Hospice however has devoted their lives to this and can give the patient things, talks, thoughts, support etc. that we simply cannot at this time. Please, I highly encourage you to consider hospice. For the patient, caregivers and family sake. You will not regret it. They will be there everyday through the end if you need them. Medicare covers everything too! Good luck to you and god bless!
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liagko Jan 26, 2020
Thank you for this information
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Hugs! You did the right thing for your mom.

Ask hospice if they have any brochures about their services that you can send to your siblings or if they have someone that can call and explain that you have to have a death diagnosis and less than 6 months to live and how painful end stage cancer is. They need to hear from someone else that your mom is dying and this is the most precious gift that she can receive, death without excruciating pain and anxiety.

May The Lord grant you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time.
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liagko Jan 27, 2020
Really helpful to hear this txs
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