My mother has dementia and is constantly asking where her kids are. What do I say?

It's best to let her reality be yours. If she thinks the kids are still children, tell her they're playing with their friends or at school. Letting her guide the conversation helps keep her from getting upset and to feel more control.

Yes exactly - this can be done by asking her questions that encourage her to tell you about them. When she is going through this, who does she think you are? - not to worry if she is still connected with you being her child and whatever age you are, that's quite possible because you're with her in the moment; but the absent ones she may be thinking are on their way home from school, late for dinner, and so on.

Example: she's worried that Joanie isn't home yet. You look at your watch, and say "well, it's ten past four - what time would you expect to see her, usually?"

"She should be home by now."
"Okay, where is she coming from?"
"From school, she really should be home."
"It's Wednesday today - doesn't she sometimes go to clubs?"

Anyway: without lying or contradicting, you aim to develop the conversation so that you can *gradually* bring her back if not to the present day, then at least to a memory that's reassuring, such as that Joanie always has swimming club and stays overnight with a friend mid-week. Meanwhile, you've dished up dinner and now it's time to eat and that will distract her, with a bit of luck.

And, yes, I'm afraid the task is more or less endless. See Teepa Snow for how not to let it drive you to drink.

Go with her.
Follow her lead.
Questions will only make her anxious.
Put some joy into your responses.
Dont let it get to you.
I have been caring for a 92 year old loved one.
Take the moment, look at them with a smile and make something up that will make her smile.
Oh gosh Mom, you know Linda is staying at that silly friend of hers for a sleep over!!!
Never ever correct them.
Doesnt work.

I have learned that therapeutic fibs are very helpful. She cannot remember your last answer, so you can say that her kids are in school and will be back in a few hours. Same question, same response.

Best to answer with a short statement like, they are in school. Get into her world. No explanation, she can not comprehend that. Same questions will be asked over and over again. Answer the same each time. I reason with myself it’s like 10 different people walking into the room asking the same question and I answer it the same. That way it helps my sanity. Went through it with my mom years ago and now with my husband. They don’t mean to do it. It is just how their brain is now.

I have a general question for those people who keep their elderly at home? How do you keep your sanity and peace in your life with their behavior and constantly asking the same things over and over again? I personally would go insane and explode. I simply could not handle it? And how do you accept you have to watch them 24.7? How do you handle it and not lose it? Please explain.

Imho, you should kindly state something akin to "they love you so much" that ATTEMPTS (a broken mind may not receive this) to let her know that you both are still talking about the same people. If you are not aware of the book, "The 36 Hour Day," you may want to read it.

CountryMouse: Your response was genius as always.

She frets because her kids are not home yet as if they were coming from school maybe. In her past 4:00 was the time spouses came home from work and children were home from school. This could be a part of sun downing, a difficult time for our elders with dementia. Showing her pictures of her grown children with their own families may help. I made a special memory book for my 91 year old aunt that she really enjoys looking at and remembering who belongs with who.

My mother was always hearing a baby cry and would go looking for it. I t was very real to her. I would just tell her I didn't hear a baby crying, but she kept looking. This was day and night. It was that real to her. I have often wondered who the baby was, she never said.

My mother is 75 and have dementia. If she asking for her children it good for her to see her children. Some time if we can't get everybody together at one time we have to be creative and convincing, let her know they are at work and will be over later.  Or call up your sister, brother, niece, nephew or grandchildren and let her talk with them.  But yes the family need to visit as often as they can.