My mother has dementia and borderline Alzheimers. Her husbands a severe alcoholic. He thinks he is taking care of her but he is killing her.

I suggest you speak with an attorney to learn what you can and cannot do with a POA which ends at death. Is the POA standing or springing? Is it valid now or not until she is determined to be incapacitated?

It sounds like your mom would not be considered incapacitated by a doctor. As sad as it is, mom has the right to make her own bad decisions.

You say you have POA of her whole estate. That implies a financial POA. Do you also have Durable Healthcare POA? That would allow you to make her healthcare decisions. If she truly has dementia as diagnosed by a physician, and not MCI, the healthcare POA could kick in and give you the authority to place your mom in a care facility. It doesn't sound like her husband would permit homecare. I don't believe either POA would allow you to "evict" the husband.

I'm surprised Adult Protective Services wants no involvement. The size of the house doesn't preclude abuse. I would call them again with your evidence. I would also continue to call attorneys, and maybe an elder care atty, to get better advice. I would call the Alheimer's Assn and ask for their ombudsman. He/she may be able to navigate you thru this sitation.

I don't know what "borderline" Alzheimer's is but having dementia requires better care than she's getting from her husband.

Your screen name is He Is Killing Her, but given that she has been to detox so often with no change to her behaviour surely it is more truthful to say that she is killing herself. In our society people with addictions or mental illness still have the right to make their own choices, however bad they may be.

You don't have a right to care for her. You have a responsibility to act for her, complying as far as possible with the choices she would have made for herself if she were capable of continuing to make them.

When her choices to date have been so injurious to her wellbeing, that is a horrible and extremely difficult job. Exactly what does it say in your POA documentation? - there should be some specifics about what it authorises you to do.

By the way. It is a bit of cliché to suppose that the only reason APS don't act is that they are bamboozled by her beautiful home. Social workers tend not to have been born yesterday, and they are if anything *more* alert than the general population is to the abuses that can lie hidden behind expensive curtains.

So I conclude that APS actually don't act because your mother prevents them and in spite of everything she is legally to be regarded as a competent adult.

Try a different tack. What services would you like your mother to access?

First of all, start looking for a different attorney - one who is highly recommended and who is an expert in eldercare. Something doesn't make sense but I am not sure exactly what to advise you. Based on what you say, this is a dangerous combination. I have a feeling that YOU are going to have to get medical help to get her placed into assisted living or a nursing home to be cared. If you do it, you will need to deal with the husband and it will be hell. I think you should also contact your local Office on Aging. They can help steer you in the right direction. Getting him away from her might be tough and you will need all the help you can get - but placing her to safety might be the first right step.

The question may just be what rights does he have? And what are his intentions? If your mother had him sign a will, protecting her rights, then things may work out. If not it could get nasty.

i agree that this is when you should consult with an eldercare attorney. Don’t mess around or take shortcuts when it comes to legal matters.

BTW, your subject line (mom has dementia and borderline Alz) made me wonder if you knew that Alz IS a type of dementia. Dementia is just an umbrella term for various types neurological degenerative diseases, of which Alz is one.

Not lecturing you. Just sharing what I have learned from my neurologist.

Why has your mother been in detox? Is she also an alcoholic along with her husband? The advice you’ve already received about getting an elder care attorney involved is good, but also realize if your mother is choosing to drink with her other issues, it complicates everything. She and her husband may be enmeshed together in the alcoholism, a pattern that needs changing, but will be a real battle for you. I wish you the best

Have you tried hiring a personal care assistant for her? She apparently needs help with bathing, dressing and possibly meal prep. Obviously the husband can't do it all. If the husband fires the aide that's more evidence of neglect.

not if there is abuse, neglect, or you think you mom is in danger...call adult services for a full investigation and you can acquire legal guardianship through a court order. if you do nothing she could die from said neglect. That's your mum --so call adult services.

I'd immediately seek another legal opinion from an attorney who is experienced in litigating these kinds of cases. Let the attorney review your POA to see if it is Durable and exactly what authority it gives you and what your duty is pursuant to the document and her condition. Just because someone has a spouse, that spouse does not have the right to neglect someone's welfare, especially, if the person is incompetent. Has that be determined?

You may or may not need to file a petition in court, but, they are open for emergency matters that need immediate attention. An attorney who handles those kinds of cases would know that. Also, abuse and neglect must be investigated by APS, regardless of the size or appearance of the house involved.

A beautiful home is not the reason adult services did nothing. It was more about answers they got during the interview session. If your mom indicated in any way that she is aware of the level of care she receives from hubby is not exactly what others would expect and she is coherent in her answers, there is little they can do. It's just like people who live in a hoard or dirty house - are they aware of what is going on. They can smell like urine and surrounded by what you might call filth, but if they are aware it's not really normal but they choose to live that way, there is little to be done. If APS does not get coherent answers or the person really doesn't know what's going on, the outcome can be different. I have a feeling, with her being in detox so many times, the behavior in that home is common for both of them. They are aware of what's going on and choose to live that way. Try as you may, you cannot stop an abuser (alcohol/drugs) if they don't want to stop.
Another atty may be able to answer questions for you or provide alternatives, but one thing you need to ask about is moving him out of house now AND if he passes away, In some states, you cannot move the spouse out even after death - you maintain the home - and they pretty much live there as long as they want.

Iwould contact protective se5vices immediately regarding this situation. They will be able to assess the situation and assisyou in enacting a safe care situation for your mother. You can reach them through the local area agency on Aging. An elder law attorney should be able to assist you as well in regards to obtaining emergency guardianship. I'll keep you and she in my prayers. Good luck.

She needs to be in Care or a Care Giver taking care. The husband definately needs some care himself. You can try and get Conservator ship through a lawyer. You need the POA over her....You can cancel the one your mother has and to take her out of it. You may need a counselor...to help explain that she is living in bad conditions and she cannot go on living that way. Possibly......Check out lawyers in this case if there is money to do so. It may be a better way to get it done. JO

So why has your mother been in detox? I read that her husband is the severe alcoholic.

I dont have any advice. I had to stay at my mother and Father's house and I saw that My father did not know how to handle it when my mother had a stroke causing severe dementia. He wanted to force her to do what he wanted like she use to be. I saw what he was doing and I stopped him. My brothers did not know what to do and want to put her in a nursing home. I have protected her for 6 years from what could be a very traumatic experience for my mother. I cannot leave her and my brother who is exector of the estate will put her in a home when my father dies without taking any advice from me. He threatened to put her in a home when he got angry at me telling people that he rarely visits his mother; all my brothers now dispise me because I live in the house and have taken control of the way my father and mother interact with eachother. the never help me and I am very uspset with them for abandoning us. I dont know what I will do when my father can not make decisions; my brother will send them both to a nursing home.