Follow
Share

This is not a complaint about a nursing home.


I guess this is really just to ask how not to feel guilty if I cannot handle my mother's phone calls with patience and a high level of nurturing. And, I know, this is not a new subject.


It's always the same. She has COPD and is on continuous oxygen, but that is being effectively managed. She is ambulatory; meaning that she can push her own wheelchair as if it is a walker (they have attached an oxygen tank to the wheelchair which she knows how to use even without help), and she can also sit in it and move it around with arms and feet, and she can walk back and forth to her bathroom. She is not bedridden or needing someone to transport her all the time. In fact, if she thinks she is being ignored, she leaves her room without oxygen or wheelchair or a walker and goes to to find the staff! And, she has never had a distress breathing episode from doing that.


She probably rings the call bell between 10 and 25 times a day, and lots of times that's just because she can't remember whether she got her breathing/nebulizer treatment on time, or when the aide said she was coming to make the bed, or help her get dressed or when the laundry or housekeeping will be done. Point is: she is a prolific bell ringer. But, the staff knows all that; they are fine with it. They know her patterns.


However, any time she has any other issue, which is normal to have at age 91, she panics, has anxiety, which makes her breathing worse, which then makes the anxiety worse. And, she rings the call button, but if the nurse doesn't come in 5 seconds, then she calls me. Always the same: "I'm in trouble. Nobody is helping me." And, when I try to ask for details, she gets angry with me. And, then of course, I call the Nurse. I have already been given advice to just not answer the phone every time she calls, and to try to set a fixed time every day to call her, and to trust that the nursing home staff will call me if my mother is in distress. It is a very reputable place. They are not perfect, but I have monitored them as closely as possible and I do trust them. I talk with the nurses regularly, go to plan of care meetings, talk with the in-house psychiatrist, and I know every medication she is taking, and why she is taking it.


It's not that I do not believe my mother. If she says she is in pain, I believe her. It's that there is nothing I can do about it. She has complained about pain under her breasts and across the abdomen, and the nursing home did what tests they could, and then sent her to the hospital about 3 weeks' ago, and she was there for 3 nights so that the hospital could do every test imaginable ---- based on her medical records and the nursing home records and what I told them about her conditions ----and they could not find the source of the abdominal pain. Even worse? It did not help that, as soon as my mother got to the ER, she said she had no pain, and continued to say she had no pain for the 3 days/3nights in the hospital. I had to insist on all of the tests.


Now, she's back in the nursing home, and says she has the same pain. She is 91. I don't think there are any more tests to run. And, I don't know what to do about these "I'm in trouble. Nobody is helping me" phone calls.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Tell her to stop. She needs to learn patience when it comes to hitting the call button and her calls to you are stressing you out. Also, see if the NH can monitor her more closely.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
OMG. Tried. Again. Just last night, when she called at 10:45 pm. She promised not to call me at all today, Monday. She knows I am coming tomorrow, Tuesday, with one of her friends, bringing lunch. So.....she called me anyway, at 11:05 am, today, Monday. She actually remembered that she promised not to call....that's the first thing she said when I answered the phone... but she said she had to call, because nobody was helping her. I tried to reassure her and I did not call the floor nurse. Now, it is 4:05 pm and no more phone calls. Good thing. She has issues most days between 9:30 am and 12 noon. The staff is well aware of those patterns.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Saw your reply & God bless you. you have so many people supporting you, even if it’s once in a while or every few weeks, that is absolutely terrific! I’m so happy for you for that. Yes my client, I consider him my adopted dad, he had acid reflex and he had the reclining chair as well and so we would keep his feet up propped up and have him sit up for 30 minutes after every meal. we put a timer on it, but yes, he really didn’t like it and we pestered him about it all the time. We even had to pester him about slowing down while eating and taking a sip of liquid in between his bites. it was a real challenge that we won maybe 60% of the time. We worked on compromises as much as we could.

Good luck and God bless you really.💕😇
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I was involved in taking care of someone who is now in a mental ward. She said all kinds of things were happening to her body but the fact is - nothing was wrong. She is fine. It was all mental delusions. People who are elderly with dementia have no concept of time or help received and want someone at their beck and call. I live in a health care facility but I am fortunately able to take care of myself 99.9% of the time. When I buzz for help, it often takes a very long time to get someone appear so that could be a valid complaint. In the meantime, if she constantly calls, do NOT answer the phone. Call her back and check up but don't answer every call. And if she gets nasty or angry because you don't cater to her calls, tell her you will check on her and see she is o.k. and then hang up. Do not let her berate you. You don't deserve it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

She is in this facility for a reason. Her anxiety needs to be addressed though and calling you so much is not helping YOU or HER.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Can you get her an apt of sorts and higher a live-in? She doesn't sound like she wants to live in a nursing home. Maybe that would take the pressure off since she will be like an only child the center of attention. Or 3 days a week you might see if you can get respite care or hire someone, just for a few hours a day, so she won't feel so neglected.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Isn't there any way you can bring her home with you? I had a similar problem with my mother and now she is living with me and is as sweet and calm as ever. Most residents of nursing homes and assisted living communities are very lonely has been my observation and experience.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I totally feel your pain, same thing here. God bless.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This is starting for me to. Just yesterday as I was finally driving home she called with “Where are you? I’m too hot. Can you come back?”. I said no that I needed to go home to feed the dogs, and told her to push her button and tell the nurses that she was hot and that they would call me if they thought I was needed. She hung up on me.....
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Hi. Wow does this sound familiar. My mom is 89 and I get phone calls all the time. I can only tell you what I have done to keep my sanity. I asked the facility doctor to give her a good going over and decide if she needed anti-anxiety medication, or an anti-depressant. The doctor felt that she should do this while she was transitioning. We have since taken her off and she has truly adjusted and calls her room home. We take her out to lunch or dinner at least once a week. And we have asked the staff to make her go to every activity to see if there would be any interest there for her. They've told me to not come so often. When I don't go I get the increased phone calls, but after 7 months she is very involved with activities. She is now in the habit of getting her hair done, I have her on physical therapy and occupational therapy. I've found she enjoys crocheting and coloring. She loves to get her nails done, too. So I don't know what kind of facility your mom is at, but mine's at assisted living. They have a great reputation. The staff is great. Mom is wheelchair bound even though she insists she will walk one day again. Anyway, I'm sorry this has been difficult for your mom and I know it's no easier for you. You didn't mention if there were things there for residents to do. If there is, get her to go somehow. I sat there and played games and bingo many times so she'd get into it. I know I also talked to my own doctor about my health and the stress I felt. She put me on Xanax to help me keep myself on an even keel. Some days I've had to add a coconut rum and Dr. Pepper Cherry mixed in and that seems to do the trick. LOL. I'm not trying to tell you what you should do. I'm just sharing what has worked for me. I hope things get better for both of you, soon.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Ai yi yi! I get it! Well I read your answer to another poster that you won’t remove her phone. So that suggestion is out. When my dad was in rehab in SNF, I would get calls from him if the help didn’t come within 10 seconds. For some reason they think the CNA's have no other residents to care for. I tried to explain to dad but he would just get angry. Sadly they have no patience and finally we took his phone away as he’d call the nurse and then immediately call me! The solution was he could ask the nurse to call me and let me know what the issue was and then I’d decide whether to talk to him or not. May sound cruel to some but it saved my sanity which was hanging on by a thread.
Personally I do think her anxiety is what is at the back of why she calls you. No one responds to her bell fast enough so her next thought is to call you. Hopefully her antidepressant will help with her anxiety and I know you have to wait weeks for it to take effect. My dad is on Buspirone which is not as big of a risk as a benzo is. Plus benzo's are linked to dementia. But you are looking at a classic anxiety issue. I would let her call go to VM or even just block it during specific times of the day. She will be fine. We need to stop being helicopter children. If there is a real issue or emergency, they will call you. But if you let this continue...eventually it will cause you issues.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
anonymous828521 May 2019
So true! Great ideas cuz it's a serious problem, thanks.
(0)
Report
My 98 yr old mother does not have a landline phone in her AL apt. She uses FaceTime on her iPhone to call out. At one time there were quite a few family members on the FT call list and she'd accidently call them. I removed their phone numbers so that she only had listings for her three children. I keep my iphone in another room while sleeping at night. The staff at the facility have my home number and can call me during night hours if there's an emergency. We both love being able to talk face to face, and if she has a problem, she can include a staff member in our conversation. Mom also reads novels on her phone and checks out FaceBook and text messages.

The symptoms you described sound simular to my mom's latest symptoms. Pain in her breast/chest and abdomen. We thought it was gas, but it turned out to be congestive heart failure. The pain was caused by a fluid overload pressing against her heart and lungs. However, it took several trips to the hospital before the doctors were able to determine this diagnosis.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom May 2019
That gives me an idea, sudalu

You removed numbers from phone. I wonder if she could ask the NH to only allow her to have her phone for a limited amount of time.
(0)
Report
My mother was in the hospital then sent to a nursing home for supposed to be I think 21 days so medicare would pay for everything. But I took her out against the doctors suggestion. She is going to be 98 in a few months and quite aware of what is going on around her. She was a nurse for over 40 years.
She too called and complained and was not easy to care for in the hospital, so I was told. However, she fell once in the bathroom because she was left alone. Her bed was made and whoever did it did not put her call light back up by her. So she had to blast her tv to get help. In that time her hair was only washed one time. She came home with the tips of her toes black from the sheet being pulled so tight on the bed it rubbed the skin off her toes. She appeared to have discoloration in the area of the diaper from it rubbing on her. Took well over a month for the discoloration to go away and took over two months for her toes to heal. Thankfully we have a visiting nurse, a foot doctor who comes and sees her once a month, an r.n. who visits her once every 4 weeks, and if necessary, a P.A. also. I am her middle child of 6 children and she lives with me and my husband in a very tiny California bungalow type home. We care for her and it is without a doubt a lot of work. But in all good conscience, I cannot allow my mother who took very good care of us, to be in a place where she gets half-ass care. And this place was rated 5 stars, the highest, by medicare. So when she spoke, I listened. I complained to the director and to the staff nurse, who told me they were never told of her falling or anything. So good bye to them. She would never leave any of her children to be cared for by people or in a facility such as she was in, and I wouldn't leave her there either. As I said it is hard to care for her. She can be very difficult to say the least, but I'm doing it thankfully with the help of my husband, my youngest brother, and my youngest daughter. If you think there is something wrong with your mother mentally request she get a psychological analysis by a psychiatrist and where is her doctor? What does he say? Do they have activities in the nursing home with the other patients? Ask questions and demand answers.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Good suggestions by everyone.
She doesn't like the nursing home. Understandable. She's 91. It's not home. Not her way & timing of doing things, she thinks or feels.
She needs attention. Understandable. Good idea telling her you will call her instead. When she tells you all these things, just tell her that you remembered this and you are working on that. At times ask her what she wants you to do. Acknowledge her in everything. Lots of loving on her...in your words and physically.
Blessings
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Considering the meds you have mentioned she is on, I have to think this is not uncontrolled anxiety but attention seeking. Needing to be the centre of attention or she will make herself "sick" just to get it. I think you should take the home's advice re the phone, tell her you will call once a day to check what sort of day she has had and don't answer the rest of the time.
Re the chair - ask home to replace her recliner with a double motor one so that she can elevate legs without being reclined, don't know if you would have to provide this privately (in UK about £500) but worth it in the long run. Where exactly is your mother in pain? You say she has gabepentin, ativan, doxepin something for reflux, is this her entire drug regimen?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

check for acid reflex. It can cause abdominal pain sporadically. It’s important she doesn’t recline after eating, if she does, that can aggravate acid reflex.

You mention about reading reports, talking to staff and people, and going to meetings, but do you go in and check on her yourself sporadically unannounced? With no offense meant to the facility, that is the best way to ensure the staff takes good care of your mother. Saying one thing and doing is another. Sounds like you have a little issue with confronting your mother. You talk to others around but not directly to the source to deal with it.

If all is good, well then, talk to your mother when she’s in a good mood about the extra calling, and explain the worry and upset she causes when she does and ask her to try to refrain from doing that. Make an agreement of some sort.

You know, I’m talking mechanics here. You were asking about feelings.

This is something you have to resolve with inside yourself. When you know you’re doing all that you can and others are cooperating and doing their best, then all you can do is have a frank talk with her, and then stick to your guns and know that you’re loving her. this is a personal resolve issue. You have to tell yourself when you’re being a good child, when your mother, who is now the child, doesn’t get what she wants. I don’t know if you’re a parent yourself, but parents know that there’s times when they do not give their children what they want even if they would like to. And we get through it because we know we’re doing the right thing. And that’s the best we can do. We also share our stories with other parents who understand, laugh, cry and empathize with us and to get advice. We do this to reassure ourselves we are doing the best we can. Just like you’re doing now!
Hang in there. Hugs!!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Thank you.

Yes, I do change the days when I go, for the exact reasons you suggested. I talk to my mother every day, and my sister does as well. Each of visits once a week. We found a trained volunteer "companion" from a religious family services foundation who now goes once a week, for 2 hours, and plays scrabble with my mother and wheels her all around the grounds and they sit outside. It is a huge facility, so she can be taken over to another building where they have a large library and tons of beautiful art on the walls. Also, if these people have the time, once in a while I bring one of her friends with me and we bring lunch, and also once in a while a long-time friend of mine who thinks of my mother as kind of her mother. Also, if my mother complains that her long distance friends don't call, then I get in touch with them, because I have known them my entire life, and then they either tell me that they just spoke to her or they will call her. And, my mother has a niece who visits about once every 6-8 weeks; she lives too far away, another state, to visit more.

My mother is given acid reflux meds every day. It is true that she will not continue to sit up straight after eating, but she has been advised about that and we gave up; she just won't do it. And, she has an electronic recliner/lift chair in her room, so she can recline it on her own. And, they also tell her to keep her legs elevated.....so sit up straight....elevate legs? Cannot do both, not with that chair. Cannot get a separate chair with ottoman because she will trip over the ottoman.

Anyway, all good suggestions. And, I am trying.

Every attending physician in a hospital, every surgeon, every one of her doctors, every nurse, and everyone who has been a caregiver, has said the same thing: my mother is an extremely high anxiety person.

I am not a parent, never been married, never had a pet. So......not a lot of nurturing experience. And, obviously not used to taking care of anyone else. But, yes, I do try.
(8)
Report
See 1 more reply
OMG, we must have the same mother! It is attention seeking behavior. My mom's doc said in a nice way that mom is a narcissist; it is all about her. Even when she says she is worried about someone else it is because if something is wrong with them, they won't be able to pay attention to her. She has been on anti depressants and anxiety meds most of her life. The dementia makes it worse. She manipulates people by throwing fits, crying and saying she is having a heart attack. Same MO at hospital; when they start doing tests she tells them to stop cuz it is hurting her. We made a plan with AL that they will go through a series of questions and interventions before calling ambulance now. She feels attended to by this and they can give her a dose of anxiety meds to calm her down. She also has asthma and uses oxygen, so most of her "heart attacks" are breathing related. Fortunately for me, my mom still lives with my dad, so he gets the brunt of her neediness, but should he pass first, I know I will be facing the same scenario as you. My heart goes out to you. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Here are two things I didn’t see mentioned. Could her bed be uncomfortable? Where is she when she has the pain? Walking around, sitting, in bed? Probably too simple of an answer.
If her breathing is causing her anxiety have you tried getting her an oximeter? My mom had CHF and when she felt breathless it helped her anxiety to check her O2. If it was a little low she would try to increase it by deep breathing. It was a distraction of sorts. But it did reassure her that she was getting plenty of oxygen. ( it was usually 97-99). Your mom being on oxygen may not be as impressed with the meter. It helped my mom.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Yes, good point. She is not impressed with the oximeter. But, they use the oximeter to check her Sat level at least 3 times a day; more if she is complaining about SOB. She is always between 96 and 98 and last night she was at 100 while still complaining.

I have been told, for over 3 years' now, by everyone who has treated her in the hospital and in regular doctor's offices and now the nursing home, that it's anxiety, which exacerbates her SOB, which then exacerbates her her anxiety. Cycle.
(3)
Report
Just saw your last post about the Ativan I wouldn't bump up the dosage but 3 a day instead of two would make a huge difference without causing her too many extra side effects. A person builds up a tolerance to benzos really fast especially Ativan for some reason. My hospice friend started out with three one mil three months ago and he's already doubled to six one mil. He doesn't seem any different and he says the only difference he feels is better relief from anxiety.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Thank you SparkyY.

You may have hit on an issue that I can try to address with the psychiatrist and the nurse practitioner.

I think that many medication changes they make could be more related to potential liability related to certain medications than related to any improvements in medical condition.

For the Ativan, they keep changing it. She was getting .25 mg, 3 times a day, then it was .50 mg, twice a day, then .50 mg in morning and .25 mg afternoon and night, now it's back to the .50 mg twice a day.

They explained that they change benzo schedules and dosages around because of some kind of protocol related to elderly and benzos. Like a regulatory protocol.

Same issue with Gabapentin (neurontin) for neuropathy. She started with 600 mg, 3 times a day. They lowered it to 400 mg, 3 times a day, but not because she was getting better. Her leg pain and tingling is not better. She does get Tylenol, PRN.

Same with Doxepin, which she has taken to help sleep, for over 30 years! She took 30 mg at bedtime when she lived at home. As soon as she went to nursing home, October 2017, they lowered it to 10 mg or 20 mg.

I am going to ask again about the Ativan and the Gabapentin changes. The doxepin is fine because she says she is sleeping through the night, and the higher dosage was from before she was taking Ativan and gabapentin.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Do you think the pain might be a stitch? I mean, a stitch like you get when you've walked or run too fast, so that it feels abdominal but it's actually breathing-related?

I'm wondering if it comes on because of how she is sitting, or something like that, and if getting up and walking around might ease it if you're able to guide her through doing that. If it had miraculously vanished by the time she got to ER, could it have been something as simple as needing to change her position?

The constant calls - how would you feel and what would happen if you [whisper it] turned your phone off?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Countrymouse,

That is an excellent point. A stitch. Because she pushes that wheelchair with the oxygen tank attached every time she goes to the bathroom, to dining room, to the outside patio and to bingo. They have tried to get her to ask for help, but she is impatient, and the bathroom part...well, if she has to go, she has to go. The Bfs can come fast, if you know what I mean. She does wear Depends and pads, but her incontinence issues resolved for the most part months' ago.....she wears them because she can't always get to bathroom fast enough and understandably she does not want to have an "accident" and then wait to be cleaned and changed.

I cannot turn my phone off. 22 years ago, I did not answer my phone even though it rang 10 times, and when I finally listened to the messages, abut 2 hours later, found out my father had a heart attack, was in ICU, and already in a vegetative state. Nobody could reach me, because I wasn't answering. That was before we had caller ID and cell phones and voicemail, obviously, (only those older "tape" answering machines), but for me, I can't turn off my phone.....although I can just not answer, and check recent calls and voicemail, and know that the Nurse will call if it's an emergency.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Does your mother have any other mental issues besides anxiety? Like dementia? If not or even if (ok I realize I might suggest this a lot but it really really works) maybe a low dose anxiety pill. At 91 she wouldn't need a lot and I really don't think you need to worry about her becoming addicted. Also if she is taking anything for her pain maybe it's not working as well as it use too? My mom use to do the same thing to me. She'd wait till I got there and tell me how much pain she's in. She hated pressing the nurses button so I would go ask if mom could have one of her Narcos and the nurse would come in and ask mom her pain scale and mom would say "I'm fine sweetie" and the nurse would ask again if she was in any pain and mom would say no. Argh! That use to drive me crazy! They would always look at me like I was a drug dealer. Ok that last part is probably mostly my imagination. I would look at mom after the nurse left and she would say see they won't give me my pain meds. I would count to ten then calmly remind her for the thousandth time that they won't give her anything for pain if she keeps telling them that she's not in pain and she would oh that's right and she'd want me to go ask the nurse to come back. I would tell her she'd have to wait for an hour or till pill call. Anyway about the phones I read someone say to set up a time. You're mom isn't the first anxious 91 year old they've had to deal with so hopefully they would be agreeable to a little white lie and when you're mom asks to call (this won't work if they give her the phone and let her dial) they could say sorry hunny we got her voicemail. We can try her again tomorrow. Or something similar. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Thanks again, SparkyY,

My mother has a phone in her room and can call anywhere she wants whenever she wants. She calls her friends and they call her, and she calls me and my sister, etc. I cannot take that away; that would be the emotional ruin of her. She has short-term memory issues but is otherwise alert and she reads 2 books a week and does crossword puzzles and plays scrabble with me, my sister, my nephew (and wins)....so her mind is "there" and taking away the phone would kill her.
(3)
Report
Daughter, three things.

On pain. Once mom had dementia, it seemed very difficult for her to localize pain. I remember once sitting with her, she weeping with pain and frustration. When I asked where it hurt, she opened her mouth and pointed inward. We finally realized that she was telling us her neck hurt.....

What I realized was that my mom had arthritis and compression fractures in her spine, both of which caused her considerable pain on a daily basis, worse if the weather was bad. If the staff asked if she was in pain, she'd say no. Then call us weeping in agony. I had them change her pain meds from PRN to scheduled 2 times a day PLUS PRN. Giving her Tylenol (and eventually tramadol plus tylenol) on a regular basis, rather than AFTER she was already in pain worked. I did not worry that we were "masking symptoms". We were no longer "fixing" anything.

On anxiety. The geri psych put my mom on an extremely low dose of Klonopin (like the smallest dose, cut in half) twice a day. Kept her panic and anxiety in check and never caused her any balance problems. At one point, they were using a pediatric liquid dosage to get it low enough! The idea was, as the geripsych explained it to me, was to get ahead of the anxiety and not let it ramp up, which then needs a higher and more problematic dose to overcome.

And yes, an antidepressant helped too!

On ringing the call bell. If your mom can use the phone, can she be asked to call the desk to ask her question? And only use the bell for bathroom requests?

I think, since you know she is being looked after, making a call to her once a day is probably the best course of action.

My best friend's mom is at home with 24/7 aides. So someone is IN THE ROOM WITH HER all the time. My friend gets, on average, 18 calls from her mom every day, asking for help, saying she's in trouble, saying she's dying, saying that the daughter never comes to visit. It's a phase of this wicked disease. Don't beat yourself up.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
SparkyY Apr 2019
I should have read your post before I replied lol. That's exactly what I said. Oh well hopefully OP notices two people giving same advice. I always worry about relatives withholding pain medication because they don't want they're 110 year old uncle to become a Drug Addict. My grandfather on my dad's side had an aggressive form of lung cancer. Shortly after he was diagnosed it had spread to his brain and he couldn't talk or do much of anything. Before he couldn't communicate he was in a lot of pain and was able to take care of his own meds. When he couldn't communicate we found out that grandma had quit giving him his pain meds because it was her Christian duty to keep him from becoming addicted. Thank God they had 7 kids who still lived around there and a million grandkids so grandma was quickly over ridden. He was given only about two months when he was first diagnosed but she was in denial. He passed away about 3 months later hopefully a lot more pain free than he would have been.
(4)
Report
See 2 more replies
Since you believe the nursing staff is reliable, why not do what they advise? Just block her calls and explain to the staff that they should call you if they deem it necessary.  Sounds like mom wants attention, but you have to decide how much you want to/are able to give.  No need to feel guilty here. Getting decent sleep is necessary for your health.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Probably a thing where both sides are right. I know my mom is a griper and would complain no matter what. On the other hand I spent some time with her in TCU visiting and notice a lack of attention or getting help when needed.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Mom has dementia? She may benefit from an evaluation and some anti-anxiety meds. Others here have said that when someone is in a nursing home they don’t need a phone. I pulled my mother’s when she called at 3AM.

I’m certain that your mother has had all the important diagnostic tests she can have. Do you think she could be looking for attention? She may think she is in the hospital when she’s at the nursing home and therefore there should be something “wrong”, so she’s imagining symptoms. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t allow yourself to be overcome by worry. In the ER, the doctors and nurses know she wouldn’t be there just because. She’s not the first or the last to claim “there’s nothing wrong with me”. You have done what you could. She’s had the tests and they’ve found nothing wrong. The staff at the NH is well- accustomed to dealing with the fears and concerns of their residents. Call a care conference if you want to make sure you’re all on the same page. It’s your right to call one.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Is she lonely or bored? Does she have friends in the NH? Activities or attend church service or chapel?

Has she always done this?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Lose the phone. But make sure you tell the DON. Causes problems when family doesn't tell staff they took the phone. Or, don't answer.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It sounds as though your mom suffers from anxiety. Has she ever been evaluated for anxiety and perhaps depression? The two often go hand in hand in dementia patients.

Please have her current facility get a geriatric psychiatrist or advanced practice nurse with behavioral credentials in to see her. Their advice will be invaluable.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
anonymous903302 Apr 2019
Thank you, @BarbBrooklyn

Yes. She has a high level of generalized anxiety, for years, ever since she started getting "sick".....back maybe 6 years. Probably had anxiety way before that, but I would not have known that. Every doctor and surgeon and nurse has told me that my mother is high anxiety. Problem is: if she takes anything other than a low dosage of any benzo, she will fall. And, right now, the anti depressant started just 10 days ago so we won't know if it works for a while.

At the nursing home, she is seen by a psychiatrist routinely, and she gets Ativan twice a day and just started a low dosage of anti-depressant. I know what the drug is, but not naming it because not really relevant.

I am doing all that I can. It's a catch-22 situation. Could increase the dosage of the anti-anxiety meds, which would help her, but, because she is totally ambulatory, and you cannot restrain someone in a nursing home, and she wants to move around, a higher dosage means she will just end up falling.....because of the effects of the anti-anxiety meds......and, if she breaks a hip, or something like that.....that's a death sentence at age 91, especially with COPD.

But, thanks. Just your questions let me know that I had been asking the right questions of the nursing home medical team.
(2)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter