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Yesterday she asked me if I would take him some turnips, because she doubted that he was getting any at the NH. I told her very gently that Grandpap was in heaven and she asked me when he died. I told her a longtime ago. She just said, Oh? Is this something I can expect to happen more often? She has dementia. Should I continue to tell her the truth?

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Sometimes I find it best to just go along with it. As long as its not something that can hurt her. So you tell her sure I'll drop that off for him. Because sometimes that is where they are in the world is someplace in the past. Grandma who is 98 with alzheimers thinks she lives in my building and has never seen my kids. She lives in my home and she sees the kids every day, but I just play along because otherwise she just gets confused and upset. I use to plant tomatoes in my grandfathers lap and that made him so happy. To him we were out in the garden but we were in the house sitting in the chair. He would hand me the plant with such care but of course there was no plant there. You can still tell her the truth but if this keeps happening then just go along with it. She could also be thinking she sees him and then by saying hes passed on could really upset her thinking he passed and nobody told her. From my experience with my grandfather and now my husbands grandmother it was just easier to play along then to explain it over and over and see them get upset. Just do what you can and make her happy. And as far as this happening more, it most likely will. Just remember to her that is reality, not what we see and know to be real. Good luck to you and mom, and I hope this helps a little!
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Great comment! Going along with what's being said is less upsetting for your loved one and less stressful for you. No harm done. Our short term memory goes first anyway.
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