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My mom moved in with me over 2 years ago to save her from going into assisted living. I put her things in storage due to the short notice. I did not think she would live this long, apparently I am taking very good care of her. I do not have a job because of this.
Mom writes me a check each month for rent, utilities, etc. I get food stamps for our food. I would like to be paid for taking care of her before her money runs out. However, that will not be enough for me to live on after she is gone. I am worried about my future.
My life revolves around her and I don't like it. I am miserable.
I need help.

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Your heart led you to do what you felt was best for mom.

Unfortunately, it's NOT Best for you. As long as you are not working, you are not putting money in SS or investments. What happens when YOU need care, or want to retire?

It is good that mom is carrying her part of the load, but maybe it's time to look into moving her to a NH and for you to get a job and establish independence again.

What did you do for work before mom moved in with you? Time to look long and hard on what you've gotten yourself into. Out of love and kindness, but I sense an underlying desperation.

Your life shouldn't revolve around her. This why you don't jump in the water to save someone from drowning, you throw in a life preserver. 2 people in the water, nothing to shore them up--disaster.
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Why would you want to 'save' your mother from going into Assisted Living?? My folks lived in AL for a total of 7 years and it was fantastic, nothing to be 'dreaded' or 'feared' and certainly not like some house of horrors people make it out to be! I should be so lucky to be able to afford AL in my old age, should the need arise.

You've put yourself in dire straits now in order to 'save' your mother from AL. Now you're worried, and rightly so, about your own future. Your life is now revolved around your mother who can live for God-knows-how long, and you need help. It's time to look into placement for her NOW, before you find yourself destitute and/or homeless! If she needs Medicaid to fund her life in a Skilled Nursing Facility, then get that ball rolling IMMEDIATELY.

You want to get paid from mom's money to take care of her, yet that will deplete her finances even FASTER and it still won't be enough for you to live on after she's gone. It's a no-win situation here, and what you need is a job and to get mom placed so you can find one.

It sounds to me like you have no other choice in this matter now. You either do what you have to do to save BOTH of you, or you both drown together.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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You need to get a job to pay your own rent, utilities and food. Put Mom in NH on Medicaid if necessary. Be independent and planning for your own retirement.
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Can Mom be left alone for any amount of time? Does she have money put away?

If she has money for an aide a few hours a day, use it. Get yourself a job. See if she qualifies for Medicaid "in home" services.

Are you calling a NH an Assisted living? They are not the same thing. Assisted Living is exactly what it says, they assist. You get a room of your own furnished with your own things. There are activities and outings. And you private pay for this.

Nursing homes, Skilled Nursing, Longterm care, are for those who need to be cared for because of health or Dementia that an AL is not equipped to do. Its more hands on care. This Medicaid pays for if u fit the income requirement.

I would think if Mom is 91 your maybe 60? So u have some SS earnings. I would get back to work to make up for the 2 yrs you lost an maybe some. You can collect at 62 but you only get 75%. You probably don't get 100% until 67. 135% if u wait till 70 to collect. You need to look towards your future.
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Assisted living could be a blessing for your mom and for you. Go look at some. You don’t have to stay caught up in this co-dependency, and your mom may not like it all that much either. Better for her to have social outlets at a facility and better for you to get a job. Once you place her, you could downsize and save some of the money you’ll earn. Who’s going to take care of you if you don’t?
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Perhaps you should forget about “being paid for taking care of her”. It’s a short term red-herring, has complicated medicaid implications, etc, and doesn’t really help. I’d suggest you take her (and yourself) to see some potential AL places that you both find much nicer than you expected. Pick ones that are close enough for you to promise regular visits. Then you call your local Aging Care office to ask for a Social Worker to discuss all the options with you both.

The only solution to your future worries is to get back to work. The only way to do that is for mother to get separate care.
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