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I have been caring for my mother essentially my entire life. From bathing her when I was a child because she would get drunk and urinate on herself (or worse). I left home at age 14 because my "parents" were abusive alcoholics. Now that she is older, my father is dead, she lives with me. Because she pissed away all the money she had, now she only has my dad's social security (she didn't work enough in her life to have SS credits) anyway, back to the question. She has a clotting issue from smoking for 50 years, she is constantly having to go to the hospital for surgeries. She has lung cancer metastatic to the brain. She has been alive with this condition for five years, she is 68. Currently, she is back in the hospital, the doctor told her she needs to go to a rehab hospital till she is able to function without Assistance. Her response to the doctor? Hell no! That's right, she expects ME to care for her, bathe her, feed her, take her to appointments, and be at her disposal. One problem, I have a child with autism, I have a husband, a full-time job, a life! Although she lives here, I didn't take her to raise, especially a 68 year old baby who will do nothing for herself. Guys, what I am asking is do I have ANY reprieve? She will not sign a Power of attorney, I have a sister who is ZERO help. I have no other help, she told the wound care people not to come back after last surgery because her daughter would do it! What can I do? I feel I am in a no win situation and I am so sick of being her whipping post, the door mat. She is selfish and unrealistic. I just want to have some sweet relief. I called the hospital and told them to please have a caseworker call me! No response. She has Medicare they will keep her in rehab 100 days! but it's like she is intent on coming here so she doesn't have to do anything to try and get better. I know this sounds cold, but I am really ready for her to be out of my life for good! I can't take it anymore!! I am so exhausted and my child and family Must come first, I promised I would be the parent I never had! I wasn't a priority for her or my dad as a child, why should I make her a priority? I'm so frustrated! My sister is older, my mom gives all the doctors her info for contact, not me, I only get second hand information. She is literally bleeding me dry, financially, emotionally and physically. What, if anything can I do? I'm so tired of "caregiving". Lately, I have begun to lack compassion, not that I don't care, but if she senses the slightest bit of concern, she preys upon it, and uses it for leverage, it feels like emotional abuse. Please help!

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You call discharge planning at the hospital and tell them that you are unable to provide care for your mom.

They will guilt you, believe me. You tell them that this would be an "usafe discharge" and that she and they will need to make other arrangements.

You cannot be forced to care for her.

If they send her home in a cab, call Adult Protective Services and report her as a vulnerable adult.

If she is a legal residence of your home, you may need to evict her. (ETA, this is moms home apparently)

The discharge planner will tell you that the hospital may be forced to seek guardianship. The answer to that is "YES Please!"
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I went back and read your previous post from 2 years ago.

Are you still loving in your mom's home? That changes things.

Are you seeing a counselor or therapist to help your learn how to set boundaries with your mom? How to say, "No mom, I can no longer care for you"?.
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If your mom is giving your sisters info to the hospital ,, let her run with it. tell them your sister is the contact and you are now out of the picture and unable to offer any help as you are given NO information, and are unable to take her back under the circumstances. Continue to repeat that sister is the contact, and you can not take her back... rinse and repeat as needed.. and stick to your guns.. it sounds as if you will be able to this time! Good luck
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Now, while your Mom is hospitalized would be the best time to explain to her and to the Social Workers that you cannot physically or mentally care for her in the home any more. The Social Worker, if you refuse to take Mom home, will work with you and with her on placement. The key here is not to accept her home if you feel you cannot care for her any more; don't buy into any platitudes of "together we can make this work" and "We will get you help". They can't make it work and the help will be short lived and inadequate. You may be able to put this off; social workers will work hard to get rehab whether she likes it or not if she is not going to be accepted home. If there are no resources then medicaid will have to be applied for. Hospitalization is the best time to get all this rolling with a social worker's help. Just tell them "I cannot and I will not consider accepting her back into the home; I cannot care for her. Neither mentally nor physically." Meanwhile I hope it is your home you live in, not Mom's and that your and Mom's finances have in no way been comingled, for if she needs medicaid at any point there will be a 2 to 5 year look back, and any spending she did that is considered out of line would be considered gifting , and prevent her applications for financial help if needed.
Mom is not in charge of your life. You are. And it is time to lay down what you can and cannot, will and will not agree to do.
Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us.
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Do you understand that if she is forced to go to rehab, she won’t be forced to actually rehab? If your end goal is to get her in to LTC then rehab is a great first step but if you just want to her to walk again......she can’t be forced to participate in rehab.
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