Usually when she is in respite care, I visit her every day for 1-2 hours. I find this excessive, but it keeps her from being lonely and bored. My mom has a lot of problems with her hands, so its hard for her to use a phone to call people. She can't work a smart phone or even her flip phone without assistance. She doesn't read. She basically just watches TV.
I don't want to visit her this time as much. I need rest. I'm so mentally tired. Right now I'm packing her bag and she's at the hospital (she was in there for a UTI) but she couldn't eat her meal properly and wants me to come out there and get her food together to take it with her to the facility. I don't want to do this either. I called the facility and asked them could they have food ready for her when she gets there.
Am I being unreasonable? Please tell me the truth. I just want to rest. I feel like even trying to rest I have a ton of responsibility.
I need rest, but also would like to catch up on household chores. Get the house all clean, the laundry all done, and do things for myself that I haven't done in a while. I can't do that if I'm worried about her constantly, or if she calls me crying about something or anything like that. I worry that the room is going to be cold and she won't have her nice warm bed. I worry that she's not going to have her own TV, that she'll have to share it. Should I take her TV to the facility? She's only going to be in there a few days, maybe like 4 days?
How do people usually treat respite care? Is it okay to not go out there at all to visit??
You matter too!!!
Our elders are capable to survive someone, whom we have helped choose to look after them, with us overlooking this scenario. You can relax a bit.. Take a breath, take a coffee break, and have a little relaxation. I did this. Went to my friend's house, about an hour away, spent the night, and went home the following day. As I was on the freeway, I get a call from my caretaker, that my aunt needs to go to hospital... cough got worse... I was hafway home. Called my wheelchair taxi guy. He got there a few minutes before me, and off to hospital we went.
This was easier than the time I took my child to a tournament in another state about 6 hours away... Saw the first game, and then the call came in... Got to come over right away..LO needs to go to hospital, fire department is here already...What a nightmare...
So, on this note, DO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE POLST and/or DNR set up. Do make sure your phone number, doctor's number, and other important phone numbers are visible. I have that information taped up over the bed of my loved one, in case anything ever happens again.... anyone can call me. Anyone can read her POLST. And everyone just knows... IT'S not a secret. It is posted....
This is the time to be open..make mom's wishes known..
I am trying meditation, yoga & walk for a bit of self-healing. I'm trialling Smiling Mind & Headspace apps & I do YouTube yoga (Adriene from Texas is my favourite) but there are heaps out there. I'm also attempting a 'couch to 5K' program to get some fitness, energy & motivation back (via a podcast). All are free. My aim is to create space in my brain - more space for calm (& less space for the worries to circle).
I don't know what appeals to you but try to add a little kindness to yourself everyday.
Do what you want to do for these four days. You need and deserve a break. Four days will go by quickly so take advantage of every minute. You can call the facility to check on her.
Enjoy your time to yourself! Hugs!
But I am pleased you are taking the respite. Many don't & really burn out. Maybe getting that short respite, then taking a longer respite (ie for a holiday) & your own interests & hobbies would help get some perspective. And time to think about what you want too. Everyone needs their own life journey.
I honestly do not know who I am. I mean, I know who I am, but I'm not allowed to be who I am. It's incredibly sad. In order to forget about how sad it is, I just continue to care. Because the alternative is really scary.
You can buy them with monograms,which is nice...
Perhaps, I will make one that I can change out different things, and add to them...
It's a great idea to keep older hands busy...
If you feel something awry.... then go see her... pop in and say Hi Mom, can't stay.. just dropped by after grocery shpping... I have frozen things that need to be put away... But I will call tomorrow to see how you are.
Your mom need to rely on the staff .
You have conditioned yourself to be her savior, to make everything perfect for her, that thought process is not realistic, nothing in her life or yours has ever been perfect... it is time to let go and take care of you, she will be fine, she is a big girl not a baby. Don't visit..geesh it's only a few days...
I do cater to her too much and I do think that me always being there and always calming her down has been too much.
I strongly suggest you take this short period of rest and relief that you're getting..........and stop worrying. Worry is a waste of time and energy on something that's very unlikely to happen! This is time you won't get back, either, so may as well make the most of it. Your mother is a grown woman who will be just fine without your constant attention.
Good luck!
She WILL be fine.
Don't talk to her and you won't have to hear every stupid, petty complaint. Let the staff take care of her.
It is 4 days, even if she didn't have a TV at all she would survive. I know, I don't have a TV in my home and never will, we do just fine.
You are only responsible for her boredom because you choose to be.
It is called respite for a reason. Please take care of you for a change.