I have gotten her a cell phone, but she either lost it or it's dead. Got her a life alert, she lost it. Is there something I can get that is either hands-free calling or a security thing?
The fall alert is your best bet, as far as I have experience--but if they continually lose it or refuse to keep it on--nothing you can do.
The cell phone for mom just further cut her off from all friends and family as she has never learned how to use it and YB refuses to re-install the landline. Also, she forgets to charge it.
Is she falling on purpose b/c you are leaving her alone? That's certainly not unusual.
You may try a watch-type thing that you can call her on--my daughter's kids all wear them and while they are 2-way, she can communicate with THEM instantly. They've been lifesavers! Of course, they have to be charged, etc and they have to WEAR them.
Perhaps it's time to get someone in a few hours per week to help her out (and you!) Sounds as if she gets a little panicky when you leave her. And there are simply times when you HAVE to.
I agree with this. The falls detection alert buttons are fabulous (they DO work in accordance with how they are advertised), but you are correct that there's little use for them if LO won't wear it.
Regarding the falling (or other odd behaviors when left alone).... I agree with this as well. Sometimes they do a controlled fall on purpose for attention - not putting two and two together that any falls history actually works against them in terms of staying independent. I did have my share of staged falls with my LO because she could see that she was more closely attended to after a fall and therefore did not want to give that up. This was all the while pooh-poohing the falls that they weren't that bad and she's OK to age in place. Sorry, can't have it both ways.
If they are falling (purposely or not) or doing other odd things while alone (mine "armed" herself one day to attack an imaginary intruder), then the person cannot be alone for any length of time. What did it for my LO was an unwitnessed fall that her falls-detection life alert recorded and summoned help. You guessed it - it was during a short time period where she was alone one day and she decided something needed to be done right then and there and she legit fell doing it with possible LOC. She lost her independence that day. Sometimes they simply need 24/7 supervision if they cannot be trusted at home alone for any length of time.
First you shouldn't be caring for her alone as you deserve to have a life too. Your mom has had hers, so now it's time for you to have yours. So hire in some part-time(at least)help in with moms money to give you more breaks. Second I would recommend buying some inexpensive security cameras to place around the house so you can check on her when you're out and about, as it will make you both feel better. I used(and still do)the Blink cameras when my husband was completely bedridden in our living room the last 22 months of his life, so I could check on him when I had to be out and about and they worked great, as I was able to hear him if he needed to try and communicate something to me. The newer ones now have 2 way talk, which means you can not only hear your mom, but she can hear you as well. Might give you both some peace of mind. Please make sure that you're taking care of yourself as you are as important as your mom. Please don't forget that.
My mother would answer a phone provided the ring tone was set to an old fashioned land line ring. This helped me calling mom and giving her a status update- where I was, what I was picking up and when I would be home.
My mother qualified for a community adult day care sponsored by the state's area agency on aging. They picked her up 3 days a week and brought her back in mid-afternoon. She loved it, maybe the rides more than the ADC. This gave me a timeframe to accomplish many errands without worrying about mom.
I also used a security system to help monitor mom when I stepped out of the house. I used panic buttons with HELP stickers applied posted on walls in clear lines of vision (mom retained her ability to read) and cameras so I could check in. I also had family and neighbors nearby who were willing to respond to mom if she needed help before I could get back.
And finally I found someone to stay with mom for a few hours a week so I could attend events important to me.
Being a 24/7 caregiver is a challenge I do not believe is really possible without you finding some solution that gives you a few hours of freedom each week. Our LO eventually reaches a state where we cannot leave them alone without great emotional distress (theirs and ours).
What helped us with my BIL is cameras we have ring cameras in his apartment to watch him. He has dementia so the cameras are a blessing for us. We have just 2 of them up. It will connect to your phone so you can see what she is doing if she has fallen or not.
My mom has a iphone. I found that it can automatically answer and I can just “drop in”. It is important to remember to hang up when you are done. My mom doesn’t know/can’t remember how. I got her a standup charger and zip tied the phone to the charger which is plugged in. (She wasn’t charging her phone and loosing it too). Now, it sits in a central area and when I call, the ringer announces me and after 10 seconds, it is a open line so I can speak and she hears me. Another thing…..I got her MintMobile service which is 20.00 a month for even a smart phone. I also set her phone to only accept calls from people in her contact list and I cleaned out her contacts. Now she doesn’t get spam calls. You can keep her number or change it with Mint Mobile. I chose to change it. Now, even less calls from business that sold her old phone number. I also have a blink camera (I told her it was a speaker) so I can understand what she tells me when she is explaining a situation (someone visited her, etc.). These 2 things saves my sanity. She does have a Alexa Echo Show so I can drop in and see her and I can set reminders for her or put things on her calendar and Alexa will announce it. She gets reminders for all meals and a routine that plays her favorite radio station (BBN.org). All good.
I have many of these same things for my mom: Ring cameras, which have audio and video - and motion alerts you can turn on/off so you'll know when she moves in or out of a room or a set area. I pay for recording which comes in handy for so many reasons. Adding an Alexa Echo Dot gives great audio with louder volume control if needed. And I can "Drop In" whenever I want with no need for her to say or do anything. Same with Echo Show if you want video as well. I didn't realize iPhone had Drop in capabilities too! Ring and other systems sell simple motion alerts that might also help. A knowledgeable Best Buy employee can really be helpful in discussing solutions.
A one morning a week respite day program. This will give you a block of time to get errands done without worrying about walking in the door and your mother is on the floor.
Some are on sliding scales, have grants or out-of-pocket. Some you can get p/t, o/t, speech therapy covered under your health insurance. You can as Mom's PCP for a referral and assessment.
The whole country is going through this. When I drop Mom off every daughter in town is walking Mom to the door so they know she is safe and supervised.
Mom has been attending for about (6) weeks now and it will you give you piece of mind.
Also, your internet provider can put a sensor on the door, a camera in the entrance and a text will go off with photo should Mom leave. About $20 a week.
3 words that might help. Adult Day Care. 3 more. Hire a caregiver. Adult Day Care would get her out of the house. She would be stimulated, cared for and it would give you a much needed break. 2 days a week would be good, 3 days would be better. If that is not possible hiring a caregiver a few days a week for between 4 and 8 hours would give you an opportunity to get out and get things done and give you a nice break.
If you have one of the "devices" like Alexa, Dot or any of the others if she calls out and says "Call Bobcat" or "Call for Help" I think you can program them to call you or 911.
With a diagnosis of dementia she should not be left alone. You never know what might happen or if she could just decide to "go for a walk" and become lost.
I agree with Babs2013 about cameras. I have Blink cameras set up in strategic places around the house. I use them when I must leave to run an errand. The Blink cameras alert me when Mother moves around the house. They also allow me to remotely view her and confirm that she is OK. If she were to fall while I was out, I would immediately know it and could get her help.
Mother's memory, eyesight and hearing is bad. Her learning curve for new technology is non-existent. I like the cameras because they are pretty non-invasive and do not require her to do anything for them to work.
If she were to fall and you were out……..there’s a lot wrong with this. It’s okay if she falls and hurts herself last long as you can come home and help? How about if she never fell in the first place? She needs someone with her to keep her from doing dangerous things rather than you rushing home and picking her up off the floor. Please check into assisted living asap.
While cameras & alerts have their use, they also have limitations.
Cameras can show if a person is OK or fallen. Alert buttons/sensors can send notifications to you quicker. But both cannot PREVENT the fall, injury or mishap.
Until robotics are much more advanced.. supervision & assistance from another person becomes necessary.
It does sound like it is time for some sort of sitter.. I agree to look at daycare or in-home support options.
So you can leave home with greater peace of mind & greater safety for Mom.
Have you tried to order your groceries on line and have them delivered? It's pretty easy to do, but that doesn't give you the time away that you probably need on occasion.
* You can hire a sitter or have someone from a home health agency come in once a week or once a month * Find an elder day care to take her to once a week so that she can socialize and you can have some free time
I'm not sure that getting an electronic device of any kind is the answer....it sounds like she shouldn't be left alone.
If you are going to order groceries on line, be careful to check out carefully online reviews of a particular store or service that is offered. If you need fresh salads/fruits, etc. you want to make sure that these are offered/delivered in a viable state. . At one point, during the height of the pandemic Walmart was widely praised as offering the best online delivery setup for food, which was confirmed by people where I live (a senior residence). Now, it seems that even getting canned foods correct in an order can be dubious. Based on reviews I've read recently (and NOT google reviews, which now seem highly suspect; where I live YELP seems the most honest,) Walmart is now terrible for ordering groceries (i.e. getting what you order). Someone who used to work for Safeway praised it to the high heavens, but I have to check it out. I'm not saying it's impossible to find good online grocery delivery services and I'm sure others will jump in here with some names of grocers or services that are reliable. ??? Amazon, I just don't know. If you can't find a reliable service or delivery by a grocery store, then it may be better to find a relative/volunteer, even someone who is paid to go and do one's grocery shopping. I know of two healthcare workers who did this for their clients. Good luck!
A camera so you can see when she gets up and moves around. And you can talk to her. An elderly person that falls, will fall again. maybe you can get a sitter that can keep ger occupied so she wont fall, and give you a break. Good luck.
Sorry but this is the worst "advice" I've ever seen. Do not leave her on the floor. It is so wrong and probably grossly illegal to strap her to her bed and leave!
Assisted Living placement would offer safety and security for both of you. You could free up a lot of time to live your best life and she can have 24/7 assistance. Sounds like a "win-win."
There is a geriatric chair that has a tray on it. The tray locks in place and most times they can’t unlatch it & it reclines as well..suppose it’s the version of a high chair for kids lol. You can place activities or books on it etc… If you’re able to put rails on her bed, that might be another option. Then like it’s been said, try to find a sitter for a few hours , everyone could use a little extra cash these days😊. Good luck on this adventure!
Securing an elder so that they can’t get out in an emergency would be against the law where I live. Check the laws in your state and start looking for assisted living. This doesn’t seem like much of a life for your mom. She deserves better.
My mom does the same thing . I’ve been caring for her since covid started I’ve won a few battles not without scars to my heart. It seems I try everything I can to make it alright for her but her disease changes every minute. I have learned the simpler the better. When I go to the store I leave her a simple love note where I am at, my phone number and the landline phone . With hearts and I love you’s. Sometimes she calls me 10 times. But I at least know she is okay for the moment.
Exactly there has never been bruises. I only go if I have to i don't socialize, or work. I have given up my career. I would do it again my Dad had Alzheimers and he passed away. 2 years ago we live rural so there is no delivery here. I thought just maybe some one knew of a hand free calling or an idea Thank you for understanding. That is a great idea
You may not need an actual caretaker. Is there a teenage babysitter, a nursing student, a stay at home Mom who could use a couple (well paid but less than an agency) hours work? You need someone to keep an eye on her and help avoid falls or get help if one should occur. This is not a highly skilled activity, just needs a reasonable person who can sit and visit with your Mom for three (?) hours. I bet you can find someone for less than a 200 dollar a session health aide agency charges.
I agree with others. She’s past the stage of just using a cell phone or med alert since she’s losing them. Best to hire a companion to sit with her while you run errands. Maybe schedule your errands on a particular day(s) and arrange for a companion. Falls and the elderly NEVER turn out well.
I feel for you ! I also have to take my mother any where i go … I have no one to help… she has dementia, is 94 so impossible to leave her alone … have you tried home care ? The problem with that is they require a certain amount of weekly hours to hire them … not just for a break or errand run … 😞 im sorry im not any help ! I guess I just wanted you to know I feel for you and your not alone !
She just can't stay alone anymore. An alert can be pinned to her so she can't easily remove it (and lose it), however the alert will go off after the fall anyway. It is probably time to arrange for a sitter when you are out.
Bobcat, 83 is not that old and you don’t say that your mother has dementia. Many people of that age are sometimes alone, even live alone. You DO say that the falls happen ‘every time’ you go on an errand, and it’s true that we have quite a few reports of elders ‘faking it’. It might help to check for bruises or any other sign of damage from the fall. And camera footage could give you a better idea of how they happen. They gave one of our other posters a surprise a while ago, when the footage showed that mother gently lowered herself to the floor shortly before poster got back.
Clearly someone with her would be good, but you may be looking at another 10 years before she would otherwise need constant care if this is just ‘fake’. My MIL lived comfortably at home by herself (of course with support) until she was 93 and went to a facility.
You must find a caregiver/sitter. You didn't mention where you are located and that will mean a lot when you do commit to a sitter. If you live in a state with employer laws like Ca. then you should probably just hire an agency caregiver at approx. $30 per hour with some minimum hours restrictions. I finally reached burnout last year and since have had help to the tune of $500 per week for three six hour days per week. I should have done it sooner.
That comment up the line about a Sr falling and then making it seem like 'not a big deal'...or making up falls, really does come back to bite them.
I was at mom's yesterday, it was her 92nd bday and she proudly announced her dr told her she would live to 100. I could have wept. B/C she also complained about being stuck in the house and not being allowed to go on jaunts with her friend who somehow, despite being legally blind is STILL DRIVING and taking mother with her.
Her 'fall alert' box was blinking--as if she'd had a fall and not re-set it. I asked her if she had fallen recently and she said "Oh, I fall all the time. It's not worth re-setting it".
I fiddled with it, but don't know how it works. Since she lives in a house with 6 adults, she doesn't stay on the floor long, I guess. IDK, since I am not involved her in day to day care. Also, she says she falls, but never has any marks on her, so I think she is simply slumping to the floor--a short ride, since she is only 4'8". Once in a blue moon she bumps her arm, but for the most part, I think she simply sits down hard.
Again--the opportunity to move her to an ALF where she could be active and busy has long since passed. Now it's just one trip a week to Bingo for 1 hr and 1 trip a week to the grocery store (to sit in a car for 1/2 hour).
Have you considered hiring a caregiver? Caring for her alone can be challenging as there are unavoidable instances where you have to leave her. You might also consider retirement communities for her. In my opinion, this is a lot safer since she'll have the care she needs 24/7. Most retirement communities like Seasons Retirement https://seasonsretirement.com/memory-care-the-seasons-way-learning-to-embrace-today/ also have a memory care program for those with dementia and Alzheimer's disease.
What about a one morning a week "respite" program where you can get all of your errands done with peace of mind. Find one in the neighborhood. The PCP can write a scrip--some are on a sliding scale. Any type of therapy goes through health insurance.
Some offer breakfast, lunch and speech, physical therapy, etc. The medical model will have an RN on duty for blood pressure checks.
Sounds like Mom needs supervision. You don't want to have to worry if you are stuck in traffic or you want to get your hair done. Some provide transportation--also what if you wake up one morning and you don't feel well. You need a back-up plan in place.
At this point it doesn't sound like any technology will be helpful for your mother. I have a camera placed at the door and a text goes off should my mother leave. She has never wandered but I can't take the chance. I just walk to the mailbox and back. This can be set up through your phone/internet carrier. It's around $20 per month.
As far as your mother using the technology, I don't see that happening. Some changes may have to be made along with your mother's needs for safety and your sense of well-being so that you are not in state of worry all the time.
Again, 4-hour one morning per week "respite" program may be an option. Hope this helps.
IMO, tech devices of any sort are not foolproof especially if there's a dementia factor. AND devices still leave the burden squarely on your shoulders: you are responsible to set up, charge, monitor, check, track, reply, respond, possibly rush home......worry. Then you're right back to where you started.
IMO if this happens every time you go out then I suspect she is overcome with fear or anxiety about being alone, panics, frets, paces, tries to get outside, or whatever her patterns are, which in turn cause the falling or whatever else happens.
I agree without a doubt that you and she would be better served with a caregiver for four hours or so. That way she stays in familiar surroundings and you don't have to coordinate anything for her outside the home...once the caregiver is situated you can just go.
This is what works best for me. I hope you find something that works for you too.
The cell phone for mom just further cut her off from all friends and family as she has never learned how to use it and YB refuses to re-install the landline. Also, she forgets to charge it.
Is she falling on purpose b/c you are leaving her alone? That's certainly not unusual.
You may try a watch-type thing that you can call her on--my daughter's kids all wear them and while they are 2-way, she can communicate with THEM instantly. They've been lifesavers! Of course, they have to be charged, etc and they have to WEAR them.
Perhaps it's time to get someone in a few hours per week to help her out (and you!) Sounds as if she gets a little panicky when you leave her. And there are simply times when you HAVE to.
Regarding the falling (or other odd behaviors when left alone).... I agree with this as well. Sometimes they do a controlled fall on purpose for attention - not putting two and two together that any falls history actually works against them in terms of staying independent. I did have my share of staged falls with my LO because she could see that she was more closely attended to after a fall and therefore did not want to give that up. This was all the while pooh-poohing the falls that they weren't that bad and she's OK to age in place. Sorry, can't have it both ways.
If they are falling (purposely or not) or doing other odd things while alone (mine "armed" herself one day to attack an imaginary intruder), then the person cannot be alone for any length of time. What did it for my LO was an unwitnessed fall that her falls-detection life alert recorded and summoned help. You guessed it - it was during a short time period where she was alone one day and she decided something needed to be done right then and there and she legit fell doing it with possible LOC. She lost her independence that day. Sometimes they simply need 24/7 supervision if they cannot be trusted at home alone for any length of time.
Second I would recommend buying some inexpensive security cameras to place around the house so you can check on her when you're out and about, as it will make you both feel better. I used(and still do)the Blink cameras when my husband was completely bedridden in our living room the last 22 months of his life, so I could check on him when I had to be out and about and they worked great, as I was able to hear him if he needed to try and communicate something to me. The newer ones now have 2 way talk, which means you can not only hear your mom, but she can hear you as well. Might give you both some peace of mind.
Please make sure that you're taking care of yourself as you are as important as your mom. Please don't forget that.
My mother qualified for a community adult day care sponsored by the state's area agency on aging. They picked her up 3 days a week and brought her back in mid-afternoon. She loved it, maybe the rides more than the ADC. This gave me a timeframe to accomplish many errands without worrying about mom.
I also used a security system to help monitor mom when I stepped out of the house. I used panic buttons with HELP stickers applied posted on walls in clear lines of vision (mom retained her ability to read) and cameras so I could check in. I also had family and neighbors nearby who were willing to respond to mom if she needed help before I could get back.
And finally I found someone to stay with mom for a few hours a week so I could attend events important to me.
Being a 24/7 caregiver is a challenge I do not believe is really possible without you finding some solution that gives you a few hours of freedom each week. Our LO eventually reaches a state where we cannot leave them alone without great emotional distress (theirs and ours).
Prayers
A one morning a week respite day program. This will give you a block of time to get errands done without worrying about walking in the door and your mother is on the floor.
Some are on sliding scales, have grants or out-of-pocket. Some you can get p/t, o/t, speech therapy covered under your health insurance. You can as Mom's PCP for a referral and assessment.
The whole country is going through this. When I drop Mom off every daughter in town is walking Mom to the door so they know she is safe and supervised.
Mom has been attending for about (6) weeks now and it will you give you piece of mind.
Also, your internet provider can put a sensor on the door, a camera in the entrance and a text will go off with photo should Mom leave. About $20 a week.
Hope this helps...
Adult Day Care.
3 more.
Hire a caregiver.
Adult Day Care would get her out of the house. She would be stimulated, cared for and it would give you a much needed break. 2 days a week would be good, 3 days would be better.
If that is not possible hiring a caregiver a few days a week for between 4 and 8 hours would give you an opportunity to get out and get things done and give you a nice break.
If you have one of the "devices" like Alexa, Dot or any of the others if she calls out and says "Call Bobcat" or "Call for Help" I think you can program them to call you or 911.
With a diagnosis of dementia she should not be left alone. You never know what might happen or if she could just decide to "go for a walk" and become lost.
Mother's memory, eyesight and hearing is bad. Her learning curve for new technology is non-existent. I like the cameras because they are pretty non-invasive and do not require her to do anything for them to work.
While cameras & alerts have their use, they also have limitations.
Cameras can show if a person is OK or fallen. Alert buttons/sensors can send notifications to you quicker. But both cannot PREVENT the fall, injury or mishap.
Until robotics are much more advanced.. supervision & assistance from another person becomes necessary.
It does sound like it is time for some sort of sitter.. I agree to look at daycare or in-home support options.
So you can leave home with greater peace of mind & greater safety for Mom.
* You can hire a sitter or have someone from a home health agency come in once a week or once a month
* Find an elder day care to take her to once a week so that she can socialize and you can have some free time
I'm not sure that getting an electronic device of any kind is the answer....it sounds like she shouldn't be left alone.
An elderly person that falls, will fall again.
maybe you can get a sitter that can keep ger occupied so she wont fall, and give you a break. Good luck.
no point searching for a security device if she always looses them
Clearly someone with her would be good, but you may be looking at another 10 years before she would otherwise need constant care if this is just ‘fake’. My MIL lived comfortably at home by herself (of course with support) until she was 93 and went to a facility.
I was at mom's yesterday, it was her 92nd bday and she proudly announced her dr told her she would live to 100. I could have wept. B/C she also complained about being stuck in the house and not being allowed to go on jaunts with her friend who somehow, despite being legally blind is STILL DRIVING and taking mother with her.
Her 'fall alert' box was blinking--as if she'd had a fall and not re-set it. I asked her if she had fallen recently and she said "Oh, I fall all the time. It's not worth re-setting it".
I fiddled with it, but don't know how it works. Since she lives in a house with 6 adults, she doesn't stay on the floor long, I guess. IDK, since I am not involved her in day to day care. Also, she says she falls, but never has any marks on her, so I think she is simply slumping to the floor--a short ride, since she is only 4'8". Once in a blue moon she bumps her arm, but for the most part, I think she simply sits down hard.
Again--the opportunity to move her to an ALF where she could be active and busy has long since passed. Now it's just one trip a week to Bingo for 1 hr and 1 trip a week to the grocery store (to sit in a car for 1/2 hour).
What about a one morning a week "respite" program where you can get all of your errands done with peace of mind. Find one in the neighborhood. The PCP can write a scrip--some are on a sliding scale. Any type of therapy goes through health insurance.
Some offer breakfast, lunch and speech, physical therapy, etc. The medical model will have an RN on duty for blood pressure checks.
Sounds like Mom needs supervision. You don't want to have to worry if you are stuck in traffic or you want to get your hair done. Some provide transportation--also what if you wake up one morning and you don't feel well. You need a back-up plan in place.
At this point it doesn't sound like any technology will be helpful for your mother.
I have a camera placed at the door and a text goes off should my mother leave. She has never wandered but I can't take the chance. I just walk to the mailbox and back. This can be set up through your phone/internet carrier. It's around $20 per month.
As far as your mother using the technology, I don't see that happening. Some changes may have to be made along with your mother's needs for safety and your sense of well-being so that you are not in state of worry all the time.
Again, 4-hour one morning per week "respite" program may be an option. Hope this helps.
IMO if this happens every time you go out then I suspect she is overcome with fear or anxiety about being alone, panics, frets, paces, tries to get outside, or whatever her patterns are, which in turn cause the falling or whatever else happens.
I agree without a doubt that you and she would be better served with a caregiver for four hours or so. That way she stays in familiar surroundings and you don't have to coordinate anything for her outside the home...once the caregiver is situated you can just go.
This is what works best for me. I hope you find something that works for you too.