They have to medicate her sometimes because it disturbs the other residents. She is aware that she’s doing it and I’ve tried to reason with her to no avail. She says “she’s bored.” She even sat outside in her wheelchair and started yelling to where this lady came over and asked if she needed the police!! She doesn’t yell when she’s entertained but leave her by herself, the yelling starts. I come to see her and she’s snowed in bed because of all of the prns they have to give her. She calls me a couple days later and tells me how much she misses me and that she’s lonely. She had a hair appointment today. My hair dresser was driving up to see her to do her hair today and I had to cancel the appointment because she wouldn’t wake up & get out of bed. This is just so hard for me…..I really try to do right by her…. I’m all she’s got.
When hospice came on board, they scheduled her for Ativan on a regular basis. Not a huge dose to knock her out, but enough that she'd slow down from looking for her dead relatives in all the closets that she insisted I'd locked up in there.
Best of luck to you.
It was a phase and she eventually stopped doing it. Medication didn't seem to work to stop it, but I would still recommend medication for depression, anxiety and agitation. If she's groggy it may be her adjusting to the meds or it may be they are not the right meds or in the right dosage for her. It does take time to sort this out but it most likely will be worth it.
People with impaired memory cannot remember that they were just "entertained" so there is no point in fretting over this complaint of boredom. Redirect the conversation or distract her or let some of those calls go to voicemail. Try to remember she is getting care and has a loving adult child watching over her. This is more than many seniors in the world get, so count her blessings for her. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey.
I wondered what was wrong with her, and the staff seemed to just ignore it.
My husband has been home now for 10 years, and he does the same thing. He is unable to express what he wants, or simply doesn't know. He just knows that he wants something. So, he yells "Help!" over and over again. I try and find what will comfort him, to no avail. It is the most challenging part of caring for him.
There's not much the Memory Care can do for you mom, other than try medications to calm her anxiety. I know it's hard to see your loved one in such a state.
I have experienced rehab for 7 weeks (the doctor that visited me was seldom there and almost useless, and I have very good insurance), and have also served people in long term care and have heard the cries for help. It is always disturbing to see those who have not been properly diagnosed, cannot get a physician’s knowledge and expertise, and wholly rely on a facility for care.
This is not a knock against care facilities of all levels. I have seen the most expensive and best to the least and worst. They simply cannot carry the load, and should not be left to be the only determiners. Those who get through it the best are those with family who include their loved one’s physicians.
For your sake, as well as yours.
Identifying the type of dementia she has will be helpful in determining which meds will actually help her. It's not your fault or hers for how she is reacting. If she has a doctor, and it's possible, have the doctor assist in determining what kind of Dementia she has. That will help in providing her with the right meds. Not all Dementias (more than 7)are the same.
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