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I live in Hawaii and my Mom lives in FL. She’s only 59 and is having a very hard time quitting smoking. Should I move closer to her to help her? She won’t leave the house at all. She only eats once per day. I’m scared and worried. Please advise if anyone has been in this situation and if so what should I expect and approximately when? Thanks 🙏

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I think it's a great idea you're renting a short term apartment starting in February. Why would you want to "limit your contact" with a mother who's dying?? She's dying on HER terms, and you're respecting that instead of lecturing her about the need to quit smoking. It's too late for that anyway, if shes at end stage COPD.

That said, nobody can predict how much time your mom has left to live. Not even her doctor. But you're right....any illness can definitely speed up her demise, so why not go to FL and spend time with her?

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
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It is often the case, when there is a boyfriend enabling her bad habits, that you need to understand that you cannot come between her, the boyfriend, and the bad habits.

Limit contact. Save your emotions and energy.
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She smokes while using oxygen, Yikes!!! If she keeps that up she may not need to worry about the COPD - you do know that is an explosive combination don't you?
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Your mom is very young. What are her Dr's saying about her health and prognosis? Does she have any family or friends nearby that can come check on her periodically? Only she can make the decision to quit smoking, and it's my understanding, just like any drug, that it's very hard to quit. Not impossible, but hard. And only you can make the decision on whether or not to move closer to mom. Are you willing to give up your life in Hawaii, and all that entails to move to Florida? If she's not leaving her house at all, how is she getting her cigarettes, and groceries? I'm guessing delivery, or is someone she knows getting them for her? Lots of questions, I know. Just trying to get a grasp of the entire situation.
Once you have a better understanding of moms prognosis, you can then address having Hospice come in as well if needed. Wishing you well, and remember that only God knows the day and time when He will call our loved ones home.
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Hope4MyMom Dec 2020
Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I was with her in September and the doctor said it could be 6 months or 3 years- if she keeps smoking we should start making arrangements because it will speed things up. She has a boyfriend but he drinks and smokes daily and he gets her the cigarettes. It’s hard for her to shower- it’s like running a mile for her. All of our family is in the Philadelphia area. She’s too weak to move back there. I’m looking into getting a short term apartment starting in February.

when she coughs it seems very painful for her. I’m afraid she will catch a cold and it will be an Exasperation which will land her in the hospital and will be very hard for her to recover.
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