My mom has dementia and believes she has medical issues she doesn't have. How to handle?

My sister has dementia and it’s just crazy! She had some skin cancer removed years ago - they scrape it out and biopsy it to make sure they get it all — and she’s fine. But she dwells on the fact she’s still got it! I show her my scars and tell her how it works and I’m the crazy person! It’s frustrating

Gentle reminder, "When you saw the eye doctor on ______ he/she did a thorough eye exam and did not find any evidence of cancer." Follow up with, "How do your eyes feel now?" She may be experiencing dry eyes - especially if she needs medicated eye drops. If so, she can have lubricating eye drops about an hour after any medicated eye drops.

If your dad goes into the doctor's office with her, have him ask the doctor if he can call you so you will understand what's going on. I did that for both my dad, and now my mom, and we've never had a doctor refuse. Maybe an eye doctor won't talk to you when they are doing the exam, as an eye exam is more involved than other exams, but once he's done doing his thing with the eye equipment, I've got to think he would NOT have a problem with talking with you at that time...with her in the room of course.

Agreed about the eye drops...Systane works for me...but someone with dementia, they may think they need to take them every couple of minutes, or at least every 5 to 15 minutes depending on how quickly they forget, so maybe you should wait and see what the eye doctor says before potentially opening that can of worms.

Good luck!

LSUPixie: Your mother is experiencing what is commonly known as Sundowning, which is late afternoon confusion in an individual with dementia. Distraction is key, e.g. 'Mom, let's have a snack, your favorite tv show is coming on, etc.'

She needs to be heard and acknowledged.
You offer REFLECTIVE LISTENING:

I hear you saying you feel xxx
I understand that you feel xxx
It must be scary to think that you have xxx

You do not say yes or no or agree or disagree - as this way of communicating won't make any difference to her. She needs to get her fears 'out in the open' and she is doing this by talking to you.

Gena / Touch Matters

I also have very dry eyes.

I’m on an Rx for this.

My doc also put me on OTC Pataday drops. Those help with the inflammation that come from allergies.

Without these meds, I would be driven crazy with the pain and itch.

I wonder if her doc has told her that she has dry or allergic eyes, and that she doesn’t recall or report to you correctly.

Try putting eye drops in her eyes when she complains. You might just say, it's not cancer but dr said if we used these drops it will get better. For real, she might have very dry eyes and her brain is focusing on the irritating feeling. I have it and it can drive you mad some days, usually in the afternoon for some reason.
Systane lubricating drops (as needed) are recommended by eye drs. Recently, my dr told me to try using allergy drops with olopatadine as the ingredient, once a day. Both are over the counter and I buy store brand. That second one really helped a lot - use it every morning.

She may need meds for anxiety. Has this been tried? You can tell her the anxiety meds are part of her "cancer" treatment.

There are many candies that look like medication. You might try giving her a "prescribed" pill to let her think she is being treated for what ever is bothering her. This will relieve her anxiety and let her know she is being heard. Tic Tacs work well as substitute pills.

Therapeutic fib suggestion if she already has a short term memory: tell her that her doctors visit is coming up in a couple of days. You can also ask her what her symptoms are and placate them. It may be her eyes are dry.
As far as speaking to the doctor. She just needs the HIPPA form from her doctors office , then she puts your name on it. I am sorry you live so far away. When I took my mom in, I only needed her verbal permission to be with her

Take her to physician have her medically cleared and screened for depression/anxiety. She may require medication. Offer to assist her to "become more healthy" with meals, exercise etc. Ensure she is taking her medications properly. Validate her fears and concerns and reassure her. Put a large calendar with doctors appt clearly so she can see it. This may be a delusion, and she may require just a small dose of medication for it, it she becomes extremely agitated etc.

One thing that I have noticed is that when older people are news junkies, they tend to believe everything that is reported on the news!

Same thing as far as commercials go. They hear about side effects of meds and all of a sudden they develop the symptoms that are being reported.

I discouraged my mother from watching the news daily. Every time they announced a recall on food items due to salmonella, she would become anxious. She was placed on Ativan to calm her anxiety. It helped tremendously.

Is your mom being influenced by news reports or advertisements on television? Or are these fabricated ideas due to her condition?

Best wishes to you and your mom.

Afternoonconfusion, anxiousness, restlessness, etc is common with dementia. She truly believes these problems exist. Is mom taking any medication for her anxiety?

Late afternoon confusion and agitation with dementia is known as Sundowning. My mother found relief with .5 mg of Ativan which calmed her down when she was insisting her parents and siblings were being hidden away from her in the closets of her memory care AL. Call moms doc and explain her confusion and cancer fears so he can prescribe something. Then distract her off the subject with a snack or some music she enjoys. If nothing else works, try some plain eye drops the "doctor prescribed " to cure the issue. Therapeutic fibs are often required to talk elders off whatever ledge they're teetering on at any given moment. Dementia is very difficult to manage, to say the least.

Google Sundowning to find other tips to cope with late afternoon agitation in elders w dementia.

Best of luck to you