My mom has agreed to hang up her car keys, now what?

Well you better get in there and save her from herself...honestly; leave her alone. Why are you creating problems? Do you want to put her in a nursing home next? Honestly... It sounds like it's you who has the concern. Work it out...sometimes we just like sitting at home after a lifetime of raising kids.

How fortunate you are--and how wise she is--that your mother did this freely! I would take her for short rides every week to places she might not have gone on her own, so she can see that this change has some added perks. (Her old neighborhoods, family cemetery plots, gardens). Take her or hire someone to take her to do her errands (grocery-shopping, etc.). Maybe friends could get her to church or meetings she still attends. If some of the people who will help her now are people your mom once helped in this way, they could reinforce how grateful they are for what she did. Figure out all that she is now saving on car insurance, maintenance, gas, parking, and give her an idea of what she might now spend on other luxuries. Take her places to spend it--like a nice dinner out together every month. I'm hoping that all her children will be involved with this. Hook her up with the local aging transit service (they aren't always great but they might help), volunteer drivers from churches, uber. She might not ever want to be a gadabout but if she's invited to go places by her children, I can't imagine that at least on occasion she will do this. Several calls a week to see what errands she needs will help her and hopefully at least sometimes she will want to go along, especially if it involved a visit to her favorite snack venue.

First of all, she will be safe. She is protecting others as well. I would be very proud of her if I were you. Tell her how happy you are about her decision.

My mom has Parkinson’s and had seizures and had to give up driving. She was wonderful about it. She was told by her doctor that she couldn’t drive any longer. She did not complain at all. She accepted it with grace and I told her that I was very pleased that she did not argue about driving.

Tell your mom that she made a sensible decision and that you admire that she isn’t selfish by wanting to continue driving. Maybe you have already told her. If you have, fantastic! If not, I am sure it would make her feel good to be appreciated and to know that you support her.

It’s unnerving at any age not to be able to drive. I was on bedrest during my pregnancy and I had friends and neighbors offer to do grocery shopping and bring my oldest child to dance lessons, gymnastics and so on. We manage in these situations. Also years ago, I had a horrible bicycle accident. My orthopedic surgeon would not allow me to drive while I was healing. It took awhile before he gave his permission to drive. I wasn’t happy about it. I was a bit frustrated but eventually I accepted it.

I was in my 40’s at the time. I am fortunate to have good friends that chipped in to help. They brought my daughter to preschool and periodically ran errands for me. The older daughter took the bus to school.

Allow your mom some time to adjust. Ask her if she has considered taking the transportation from her facility to outings that are scheduled. Does her living facility plan activities outside of their residence? Look at schedules of activities and discuss them with her.

What about taxis? Would she take a taxi periodically to an outing?

Best wishes to you and your mom.

Was her unwillingness to go out and the other behaviors you describe present before she stopped driving or did it all start then? She may be depressed about that and the other losses associated with aging or she may be hiding cognitive decline that caused her to stop driving. A visit with a geriatric specialist might be a good idea. And of course you are trying to get her out more.

Giving up the car is a big change for people. But when they agree to it, they are also recognizing their own declining abilities. They are being realistic. As long as she has people to drive her where she needs to go, this gives her some mobility. Is she capable of calling for a taxi or car service if she wants to go somewhere on her own? Some neighborhoods have shuttle buses that take seniors to activities. You might want to speak with a social worker about this and other resources that are available. But you can't force people to be involved. My 96 year old mother who used to be an active involved person is now happy sitting on the patio for hours, she has slowed down in every way.

More than half your potential battle is won with her own agreement to give up the driving - so you're ahead of the game! Now she may just need a little help in using a different method to do what she wants to do. You didn't say what arrangements you made for rides, but it might help if you rode along with her for a few trips to ease her in to the new way to do things.

She probably is feeling sad about losing this freedom even though she recognized it was time to stop. It's a huge change for older folks. Plan an outing or two, using the new transportation method, so she can see it may be easier for her. Explain to her how much she enjoyed being out and about and can still enjoy it. Tell her that staying indoors and away from people will slow her down to the point she begin to lose ability to get around. Pep talks. Might get some resistance, but might help

I schooled my mom in how to use her town's council on aging bus. For $2 she could use it to get to the hair dresser's and to visit my dad who was in long term care. It gave her the enjoyment of feeling independent. Although she didn't want to prevail on kind neighbors, she would get a ride from them once in a blue moon to see dad. I made a point to take her to doctor appointments and lunch out. I had an elderly neighbor who was very smart about giving up driving. He called a friend down the street and asked that when the friend planned to go to the barbershop, he would go at the same time and treat said friend to lunch. My job was to take him to the polling place on voting day. He hired a young woman to do his grocery shopping once a week. As he had no children, I tried to play a couple games of cribbage with him each week and made sure that he felt welcome to join in on holiday meals. My neighbor, instead of being isolated, nurtured and expanded friendships. He really was the ambassador of the neighborhood. He was such a good example of how to age thoughtfully. So, think carefully about how your mom and develop her network and help her see that although she is losing the ability to drive, that decision could gain or develop more friendships. It can work!

My 87 yr old mom also agreed to stop driving. Couple days later she drove, who knows where. I noticed because car was parked slightly off. I took ALL her car keys. She had 3 copies. She said she left because she was bored. I explained we did not want to have her as a silver alert. I asked Dr to explain to her why she can't drive......memory issues, high blood pressure, possible accident. She accepted it THAT day. Next day asking for her keys again. I don't argue with her. When she asks " where's my keys?" I just answer her "I have them." Move on to another subject. Good luck with your mom.

Spend More time with her driving her around to places and roads you have never been on. We live in rural Ohio, and you can drive a couple of hours and be on roads you never knew existed. It gives you quality time with your mother. Do you have GPS on your phone and you will never get lost. Just make sure you share your location with someone you trust. That is also an app on your phone

Check out go go grandma type programs . They are special Lyft and Uber drivers who have the highest ratings and will drive elderly. I’m not sure but I think the rates may be lower as well. Safe rides to wherever they want to go. Your location may have similar public elderly buses as well that you call but sometimes they need to be scheduled ahead.