My mom, 86, fell and is now in rehab. Any advice?

I am so sorry. I hope you will try to take this a day at a time. As an RN we OFTEN saw confusion, almost a hospital induced psychosis, when elderly patients entered into care. It is a terrible shock to their system along with whatever illness brought them into care. For most, a return to their own environment has them back to their normal status quickly enough. But only time will tell. For now, try to take things a day at a time and don't try to jump too far ahead.

Again, I am so sorry. Get rest and care for yourself so you can endure.

I’m so sorry to hear this. You have a lot on your plate. It is so hard to see a beloved parent like this. No advice but thinking of you.

A fall.
You are in the *crises stage* now.
Breathe. Ensure you eat, sleep, exercise if you can.

The future will be revealed slowly.

Note that *Delerium* can happen to the elderly. When unwell, injured, under stress, in crises, in hospital. Delirium differs from dementia & can lift.

One day at a time is good advice.

PS Tears are quite ok. I think of them as little gems of adjustment. Shed them as you need. (((Hugs)))

Mamadrama, nurses see elderly folk who fall, who become delirius all the time (unfortunately).

What injuries has your poor Mom sustained?

I cannot offer any advice, just to say falls will happen.
My husband has Parkinson’s and falls are more frequent. Recent one was terrifying, I just turn around to get him some water, few seconds, he fell backwards and cracked his skull. Imagine blood on white tiles, everywhere and so much I panicked, Luckily only few stitches were needed, but, reality is I know there is nothing to prevent falls 100% and staggering number of people fall everyday and die. Common with PD, that and choking which is more with disease advancing. I have to accept it, he is almost never alone, but, it takes only seconds.

So sorry. You are right..a living nightmare indeed. My mom just jumped from a Stage 3 to stage 6 Lewy Body after/during her 30 days in hospital then rehab. She had delirium, then exaggerated dementia . 80 days later she has been getting worse on a daily basis.. We are no longer allowing any hospital stays or rehabs again. Hospice status is being looked at to avoid hospital admissions. I am exhausted. Good Luck.

Are you able to hire a caregiver to help with her care while she is in rehab? I had to do that for my daddy and it gave me relief and peace.

Yes, it is common for our elders to become confused and have increased dementia in a strange place. Her sundowning may be worse too. You can speak with the care team about a mild med for anxiety. Be careful that she is not over medicated. Feel free to speak up if the meds are too strong.

Forget about help from your sister and do what needs to be done.

If mom has no fractures she needs to be at least moved to a wheelchair and be out and about.

Most important please take care of yourself. This is a very hard time for you!
Thank you for caring so about your mom..

The nurses have seen it over & over again. Your Mom needs full time monitoring and one person cannot do it all. Get help to put her in the right place for her, and check all funding resources!zYou’ve reached the no-longer-tenable stage. Best of luck & empathy from someone who’s been there!

Talk to her family dr and see what the best option is to help her. You need help you with this. Her dr may keep her in there depending on how bad she really is. If she needs constant help you want her to be somewhere that keeps her safe. The drs put my mom in the nursing home because of her falling and dementia. That was the best thing they did for her because she has had no falling in there and has not been in the hospital every other day.

I'm very sorry about what happened to your mom. After initial healing, she will require facility placement. Any fractures?

Been there. Every move takes my Dad about three weeks to adjust. Hip replaced last August. Another fracture two months later. Senior housing couldn’t handle his falls any more. Now in his second memory care, one week in, not happy, totally lost. I’m praying the next two weeks goes fast and he’s feeling more settled. Time and routine is the only thing that has helped.

In 2021, we had a really hard time with my mother. She broke her back, went to rehab and it really showed her memory problems and cognitive decline. She was released, went back home then fell again breaking her back and ribs. Again, she was in rehab, then went to my sisters for a short time. She is back home by herself as she refuses to consider assisted living, and not bad enough for us to make her. I take care of her financials, I got a machine to manage her medicines, my sister takes her to her appointments and another tries to do her handyman work and grocery shopping.

I will say that my mother has improved, compared to where she was right after her accidents. Enough that she's living by herself, but she needs a lot of help. It took about a year and lots of doctors appointments to get her here. We are also aware that we can't do much until the next time she ends up in rehab and we can only hope the next time won't kill her.

I’m going through the same thing with my 90yo mother. Her dementia has gotten much worse since she has been in the hospital and now rehab, but I’m hopeful she will go home eventually. She called me 3 times late last night. She apparently had forgotten where she is. I have no solution or wonderful advice to share, all I can say is ‘Just try to hang in there and take care of yourself .’

Go there and assess your Mother. If nothing is broken and she can walk, then she can have rehab at home. Rehab facilities will keep her as long as her insurance will pay but they cannot keep her against her will. Go with your gut - and don't make anyone guilt you for it.

This is the new reality of your Mom. Remember her cognitive ability changes at times so one day she is more “with it”, perhaps than the day before. Don’t fear the worst. Just meet her needs one day at a time and try to keep a positive outlook.

It is hard. I have not dealt with this but would like to comfort you. Keep in touch with her Dr and caretakers- nurses, physiotherapists, social worker in the rehab for discussion/support. Share your woes with them.
If you believe in God hear some good words. YouTube has so many talks which will strengthen you.
Depending on your schedule generously share time with Mom. Puzzle/cards any board games or groom her if she is interested or listening to songs together. Just be there.
Take time for yourself too. Trust caretakers to do their job. Communicate with whoever is available. May God bless you and strengthen you. Anything is possible though God.

Hi, so sorry to hear about your mom’s fall. I can tell you I have been through the same thing with my mother - she fell and broke her arm and was in two rehabs and the hospital. I experienced the same kind of confusion and phone calls with her. Come to find out she was on some pain medication that was causing this confusion… Norco. Check to see what drugs they are giving her for her pain sometimes that has something to do with it. Also, my mother had a UTI and that definitely affects the cognitive abilities so have them check her urine.

I know it’s not easy but hang in there. I did also find that my mindset affected her mindset. In other words, if I was calm, she was calm. It is an overwhelming situation, but it will get better. My mom is now more herself, and we are planning on getting her home as soon as she is able to. Much luck to you.

I am glad you asked this question. The answers are very helpful and probably predictive for my mom’s situation. The hospice plan is what I would choose for my mom due to her extreme fearfulness of change and that just breaks my heart. She was a very caring compassionate woman and to see her fearful and anxious is what prompted me to get her a private caregiver 4 hours a day every day. They have bonded and initially mom didn’t like it but I asked her to do it for me, please try. She trusts me and did try and in a few days she was used to having a cheerful face seeing her 1-5 p.m. Sometimes I think she likes Mona more than me! Lol. Seriously, it was good to have company for mom and someone to help her with “daily tasks”. Eating, brushing, showers, lotions, hair, walking, warm compresses on her eyes, talking/reading to mom or watching Golden Girls on TV. Mom will never get better but she has someone for the journey.

My wife passed away in August 2020 she was 76. She fell out of bed and broke her back. Tough decision to have her go thru a 9 hour operation. She went thru operation, and I got her home, but she passed away two months later. It really comes down to age and care if you can afford it and condition of the patient. I went thru all of what you are going thru, and it really takes it's toll on your mind and body. My mother had dementia for 11 years and thank GOD we had long term care insurance. I can understand crying just stay strong and take one problem at a time. Good Luck

So sorry for all of this distress, grief for both you and your mother...
Be sure to get support for yourself via pastor, chaplain, other professional support; practice good self care, see your PCP, stay hydrated, eat nutrition conscious, exercise and get outside some each day..... Your mother is receiving care at the facility; so take care of yourself while she is there to build your own endurance.
1. Speak with her case manager and pcp re present concerns, and going forward options/prognosis...
This can change in a moments time...
2. Attend the " care planning" meeting most facilities have for pts. Get date and time from staff, case mgr
3. Be sure that she is being seen by facility social worker and chaplain
Speak with them about your mother's behaviors and changes you are noting.
4. Establish some manageable visit schedule, keep visits short and quality focused:. speak with your mother ( if she is able cognitively) about limiting phone calls.
* If she has dementia or other cognitive impairment, she will most likely not remember calling you, hence the repeat repeat repeat calls.

Start exploring with her PCP and facility staff your limitations in caring for her at home and your sisters illness;. Start to consider options for possible placement for your mother and/ or other choices that will accommodate her " safety" and well being as well as your own well being.
Practice deep breathing.....
Do not feel guilty about decisions that may need to be made. Be sure that POA status is in place.

My mother broke two hips and went through hospital, rehab, and then nursing care (all in two months). I decided to take her out of nursing care because she was declining mentally; not eating much and losing weight, too. She either would not or could not cooperate with the rehabilitation-exercises, and what not. The only fear I had for bringing her home was learning to change her diaper. So. I overcame the fear and decided to bring her home. The doctor and nurses must have thought I was incompetent as they tried to talk me out of it, practically. Then they said she was not safe at home which I had trouble believing since she would not step her foot out of bed. Anyhow, after some persistence they allowed her to come home on Hospice so they could basically oversee her safety and the doctor would feel comfortable (lol!). She has been here for 5 months and all is well except the normal decline of dementia. She doesnt get out of bed and I can change a diaper! She eats very well now for her age and condition. Although it is exhausting and I have had to hire part time help it is working out and we are saving thousands monthly with this situation. Plus, she is happier at home--and off most of the meds they had her on! (Sometimes I wonder about the medical establishment!) Anyhow, I thought Id share our story if it would help. God bless you in your day to day journey.

Sorry I'm late and sorry your having these issues. First, don't listen to anyone who says unfortunately falls happen. No!! They happen when someone is not paying attention or thinks they can do something really fast and they can't. Once the first or 2nd fall happens there shouldn't be anymore. 1st fall you might not know their situation or it could have been an honest slip or they had something come over them really quick at the wrong time. 2nd time that's it. At this point they cannot walk by themselves or stand by themselves, you can't leave them for a second, they need a walker, rollator, wheelchair, or human assistance. I took care of my mom for almost 14yrs before her recent passing in Jan. Falls can be prevented if you at the time of the fall let that be it for them walking and standing or doing certain things by themselves. I had caregivers. And she fell with one of of them. You just have to asses the situation and once the balance goes that's it. They have to have assistance. Preferably a person not a apparatus. My mom had dementia as well. Sounds like yours has early onset or is in the early stages. Look... you need help. If the place she's in doesn't want to help or is not helping the way you think is helping her or you, get her out. Possibly take her home and do private or in home care. I had my mom in our home. She was fine and better because it was home. At her rehab facility and stints at the hospital she did not get good care. Not all are bad. Some people that work there are. Which is why I was there everyday she was in the hospital and hospice and had my caregiver there when I had to work. Nobody could take better care of her than me and it was a lot at times but, she was taken care of and I found a great caregiver that was a God's sent. That relieved a lot of stress off me. I still worried but that's natural. Trust me, now that she's gone I'm glad I did everything I could for her. I feel better rather than hoping someone else is doing the right thing. My mother was incontinent as well and I believe fell with one of the earlier caregivers so she was scared at times until with me. She may forget your name but won't forget your face or her routine. Routines are important. They do remember them. You need to find a facility or caregiver for home or someone in the facility you trust that is going to do right by your mom. It will help you and make her feel safe. Things will calm at some point but you have to get things in place at home or a facility that will make her feel at ease and that in turn will help you. You will need a support system. You're unfortunately in the beginning stages. Find family or people you trust or interview that will treat her like it's their mother or loved one. There are people out there that care. Once you do that things will fall into place. Also, make sure you have P.O.A. and make sure her finances and any will or trust, and insurance policy/s are in place so you won't have to worry about that later. I didn't have that advice. And also if possible take time in the morning or at night before you deal with her and after to relax and clear your mind. Find something you love to do whether hobby, or walking, or meditation, yoga, or something to unwind and release your tension and stress. Find a block of time before you start and after you visit her or put her in bed to de-stress It is paramount you do that. I wish you well in your journey with your mom and finding peace throughout this unfortunate situation. If your religious or spiritual use that. Find the tools to help you help her. Good Luck!! Better yet you'll be fine. Find the strength. Hang in there!!! You don't need luck. You just need to find the strength and fight for the both of you. You all will make it. One day at a time..... I've been there...

Been there and living the fallout. Wife fell and broke arm and was in short term care. Unfortunately it was the worst place and she got worse. Now home she is bed bound. Still deteriorating. She gets home healthcare. Just taking one day at a time. The whole story could be a book. But to sum it up the healthcare system is broken. Even if I wanted her in a facility there are no good ones with space. So we are on our own surviving.

And also.... Don't argue with her or correct her on what she thinks is real or anything like that. It's their reality and although it's wrong you don't want to upset them. Asking about where possibly a loved one is who has passed or something like that. Just say they went to the store or on vacation or are at work or they are coming tomorrow. She might ask one time and that's it. Just keep it going. You don't want to upset them. My family did that and got my mom upset. I asked him why would you do that... He apologized and said he didn't know but his mom had dementia and he should have known you can't do that. You can't get them upset. Keep her as calm as you can if possible. Maybe pictures or anything that makes her happy. Early on when I was just getting back I would argue some with my mom but didn't know how bad or what stage the dementia was in because she was still talking and walking at that time. So be careful with words and things she may not remember as to not upset her. And share that with family members who visit her....

Take to heart what janicemeyer18 said. Good advice.

When my mom broke her hip she was in rehab for a couple of weeks after surgery, but they didn't keep her long enough because of medicare limits. She was not ready to leave. She had two bedsores, was very unsteady even with the walker, and was afraid like your mom is. She also had memory issues that were much worse than normal. Part of that was from the medications after surgery, which take a long time to get out of the system, and part of it was the extreme stress. It gets better as they improve physically! After rehab, because she wasn't ready even if they said she could leave, we moved her to a very nice assisted living place for a couple of months. She could get continual care there if needed, and she could heal more before leaving. We didn't tell the staff that she might be leaving, as we didn't know ourselves, but it turned out to be the best thing. It gave me time to recover from my own trauma over the situation, and time to think and plan for the next steps. Because of the lack of good home care staff, we ended up moving her out of assisted living into an independent living apartment. She likes it there (it took a while), she helped choose it for herself, and the social life helps take the burden off of my to be her "everything." I struggled with a lot of guilt, but then I learned to tell myself, "I did the best I could." Which I did. It has all turned out very well, and we don't have nearly the worries about her safety. Best of luck to all of you who are going through this. It's really hard, but you will get through it.
P.S., Mom doesn't remember most of what happened during rehab.

Sounds like mom is ready for memory care. Please get her evaluated. Please consider some therapy for yourself, so that you can come to terms with this horrific disease and the damage it does to all concerned. After she's appropriately placed, plan a nice vacation for yourself.

Aloha!

That happen to my dad 6 months ago .Rehab only lasted for a month if there is progress they will keep longer

I would keep a close eye on things and get your mom out of there as soon as possible. During Covid my mom fell and broke her wrist. She was in rehab for 10 weeks with very limited visiting at first due to pandemic. She left there incontinent and a very small part of the strong, independent woman she went in there as. It is heartbreaking and almost two years to the date we are still trying to cope with the aftermath. I am afraid the isolation and having absolutely no control over anything for that long caused my mom's decline and delirium.

Emotionally she is still struggling and came home wearing incontinence briefs, using a walker and needing constant care, feeling helpless and sometimes, hopeless. I have tried everything but we just can't get back where she was.

My mom also fixates on things, has OCD behaviors and is getting to the point that she can't do anything for herself. This happens more often than you would imagine. I hope that your mom recovers. If I could do things over I certainly would never allowed her to stay in the TCU for so long.  I would have brought her home and had the PT, OT done there.

Let the rehab address her needs, including a neuropsychological evaluation. Meet with them to plan a safe discharge after recovery. Emphasize safe. It sounds like she should not go back to living with your sister. She needs either AL or SNF going forward, to see that she gets good, round-the-clock care. Do you have DPOA? Does your sister? If not, someone needs to have this and that someone is probably you. Meet with a gerontologist to plan for mom's care after discharge, then follow that plan. You will have done your best. You cannot control everything and right now Mom's recovery is the problem. After she is stable and safe, find out who is legally responsible for your sister. If it isn't you, don't offer. Help her to get social services to support her or adult children if she has them. Then take a vacation!

Extremely difficult to see our parents suffer. Unfortunately, nothing you can do at this point but just go with the flow. Everyone has their own path, remember that. If this is happening right it's cause your both supposed to be going thru this experience. Self care the best way you can so you can deal with seeing her suffer. Get rest, get a massage, get manicures and pedicures for your well being and strength to deal with family members emotions and suffering.