Who told you you would be charged with abandonment? You need to tell a state social worker from elderly services that there is an at risk elderly person in your home that you cannot take care of or be responsible for. They need to take guardianship of her. If the wheels move too slowly, yes follow BurtCaregiver's advice and get her to the ER and have them do a social admit. You won't be charged with abandonment, you never signed up for providing for her care in the first place.
Call Adult Protection Services. They will guide you in the proper steps. Then contact your local police department and file abandonment charges on him or better yet you can have you attorney do that. Regardless if she has dementia or not don't just drop her off at the hospital. You will have to show you made every attempt to place her properly as a human being, regardless if she is not related to you or not. Your husband can lie and say he had every intent to come back for her and turn the tables on you making it look like you were the one who abandoned her without his consent. Cover all your basis, cross all your t's and dot your i's.
Pack up her things and drop her off at the home of whoever has her POA. You're not the one responsible for your husband's grandmother if the two of you have split. She's no longer your family and responsibility. If you want to be her caregiver and choose to, then you need a contract in writing agreeing to whatever your demands for taking it on. In that contract, make sure it's clearly stipulated that the first time a payment is not made to you, granny gets dropped off at her POA's house.
Well if I was Grandma... Old, demented, taken in by family, then dumped on someone... Well I would hope someone just bundled me up, dropped me off somewhere safe. Hospital or Police Station - Nurses may understand my needs better than Police.. ? Then a nursing home would do. Somewhere with a bed, a shower, hope of some hot meals.
My dear mother in law was already in a nursing home when my husband and I finally divorced. I had no legal power but was allowed to represent her for Security Security to pay for her stay at the nursing home (and before that SSI). I had to go once a year (it may have been every six months) to reestablish her eligibility. I was amazed at what they let me do in the way of decisions. When my x-husband died of cancer 5 1/2 months after our divorce (I didn't realize he was sick) I was her only representative. Even though legally I was no longer related to her in any way. Her daughter lived in another state. But never took over the making decisions part. I didn't mind doing it as it was easy stuff to do. And I loved my mother in law so visiting her at the home was a pleasure even though by that time she only knew me as the lady who cared for her. When she died I had to point out to the nursing home that I had no power to make decisions as to what to do with her body. That I was no longer married to her son who had just passed away. I gave them the daughter's phone number but since the calls were from where I lived she wouldn't take the calls. So I had to tell her that her mother was gone via e-mail. The daughter finally stepped up and took over getting her body to where the daughter lived. I'm telling this because sometimes when you are doing all the paperwork the powers to be will look the other way and let you. The most important part is NEVER sign anything that would make you financially responsible. In the OP position I would go with the suggestions here, have her taken to a hospital, give them all the info on her son and let them handle it from there. They will contact him and make it his responsibility. Please keep us posted on how it turns out.
I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this situation. What a freaking nightmare!
I certainly understand why you are divorcing him! He is showing NO consideration for you.
Bring granny over to your sons house, or do you think he would walk out on your son too?
Why was she taken out of her nursing home to live with you? Was she in a nursing home close to your home? Did you agree to that or did he just bring her home?
What a sad situation for your children.
Who have you spoken to regarding her care?
Wishing you all the best in this horribly stressful and dangerous situation!
If this is a recent split with your husband, there is still some shaking down to sort out what is going to happen. Most guys walk out to a flat with the sound system and the car, not with their grandma!
Clearly things can’t remain like this, but it may depend on the finances. Have you been renting yourselves, or is the house in joint names, or does it actually belong to grandma? If you could give more details, we could make more realistic suggestions. Are you still in contact with your husband, or has he gone AWOL completely? This may turn out to be one for the lawyers and the APS, but there really ought to be room for some rational discussion first.
You have my total sympathy for an impossible situation.
I am no longer in contact with him and have changed my number. My adult son relays messages and he doesn’t care about me calling APS. I own my own home, although this is a community property state, has no relevance regarding him leaving her here. He should have taken her with him wherever he went. She has been with us for 2yrs and was taken out of the nursing home. They have not gotten along and yelled at each other for the last 2 yrs. She makes our lives miserable and is impossible to live with. She begs for cigarettes from strangers on the corner and has been brought back home by them. My kids and myself don’t even want to come home. She has dementia and picks up butts from off the ground. She knocks on the neighbors door and asks children for cigarettes and nothing helps. She has lung disease and should not be smoking. She doesn’t want to bathe, or even get dressed. I’m afraid for her being here when I’m at work, he was here in the day time with her. I have called everyone and don’t know what to do.
Call 911 NOW! Expand one of grandma’s symptoms (can’t breathe, chest pain, disoriented). Insist she be taken to the hospital to get checked out. The hospital will need to contact next of kin which is not you. The end.
Granny dump may be needed here...
I'm telling this because sometimes when you are doing all the paperwork the powers to be will look the other way and let you. The most important part is NEVER sign anything that would make you financially responsible. In the OP position I would go with the suggestions here, have her taken to a hospital, give them all the info on her son and let them handle it from there. They will contact him and make it his responsibility.
Please keep us posted on how it turns out.
I agree with the poster who suggested you contact APS (adult protective services)
I am sorry that your husband dumped his granny on you. His grandmother is his responsibility not yours.
This however is a good example of why people should plan for their own elder care. People can not and should not depend on relatives.
I certainly understand why you are divorcing him! He is showing NO consideration for you.
Bring granny over to your sons house, or do you think he would walk out on your son too?
Why was she taken out of her nursing home to live with you? Was she in a nursing home close to your home? Did you agree to that or did he just bring her home?
What a sad situation for your children.
Who have you spoken to regarding her care?
Wishing you all the best in this horribly stressful and dangerous situation!
What is stopping you from calling APS?
How old is she? How old are your children?
Clearly things can’t remain like this, but it may depend on the finances. Have you been renting yourselves, or is the house in joint names, or does it actually belong to grandma? If you could give more details, we could make more realistic suggestions. Are you still in contact with your husband, or has he gone AWOL completely? This may turn out to be one for the lawyers and the APS, but there really ought to be room for some rational discussion first.
You have my total sympathy for an impossible situation.
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