Since my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 5 years ago his aging siblings, especially 2 brothers, and his daughter tried to take my custody and financial rights away. Their accusations were deemed false. My husband died this January and I received no condolences, of any kind, from the huge family.
My attorney advised me to not have any contact with my husbands family after his death, due to their abusive behavior. He also said I no longer had any legal obligation to them.
I just received a letter from the main bully of the family. He stated that he was speaking for all of the siblings and extended family. He wants my husbands urn to be placed in a cemetery 2 hours away where many of their family members are buried, including my husbands parents. He said they have room for one more urn (no mention of a place for me to be buried by my husband). He said if I refuse to consider their request, they want to be notified of where he will be buried.
I have no plans of burying his urn, at this time. They are Catholics and my husband wasn’t a practicing catholic. These are not the wishes of my husband or me. They seem to think they had ownership of my husband when he was alive..and now in death. I want to put all of this behind me. I’d appreciate your input so much!
If for some reason they persist when you don't respond, then involve your attorney. Don't deal with them on your own.
In my mind I like to imagine that, if it were me, I'd buy an urn on Amazon for $80, fill it with the ashes from the grill from my last cook out, and hand that over to them.Good luck,
Ignoring them completely is much too polite, but easier on you, so by all means, do that.
My spouses ashes are with me and they will be interred with me once I pass away.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
So sorry for the situation. Be glad you’re through with them.
If you do decide to reply, I suggest you tell the bully, "No thank you, use that space for yourself."
Your husband’s siblings have misguided and inaccurate religious beliefs. This isn’t part of Catholic teachings. The church doesn’t require families to be buried together
I was raised Catholic and my family would never expect or insist that the entire family be buried together.
Family plots are common and available for those who want to utilize them.
Of course, spouses are generally buried together. It’s awful that they didn’t mention that you were welcome to be buried there too.
It’s a personal preference where someone is laid to rest. I wouldn’t even respond to their insulting letter.
Once your husband became an adult he was free to practice or not practice any religion. His family has no say in it whatsoever. I agree with you that his family has a ‘cult like’ mentality.
If you want to be sadistic and think they'd want to somehow visit that place, pick a swampy, nasty place with lots of mosquitos just to send them on a wild goose chase. 😉
Sorry for your loss. 🌹
Do this:
"My attorney advised me to not have any contact with my husbands family after his death".
Stop torturing yourself.
Take some deep breaths.
That family could really hurt you.
Follow your attorney's advice.
For your sake.
I am also very sorry you have this issue. So awful.
No contact does sound the most protective. Zero contact, block all numbers, return all mail to sender.
But if you are curious or think it better or useful to be informed about their wishes, read the mail or text, then destroy/delete BUT be careful! Weigh up whether finding out what crazy they what is worth damaging your peace.
Can your Solicitor send a letter & request all mail be sent via them?
By the way, imho, it IS bizarre to behave in this way, for siblings to feel entitled to have ownership of ashes over the spouse. I actually had in-law sibs ask if we (not just him) wanted to do a combined multi-gen-multi-family burial thing. *Ask* not tell or demand. There was a little push from from some to conform & join - we just politely declined. Our decline was respected.
JeanLouise says "wash your hands of these toxic people".
I know, right?
Especially after digging in all that dirt.
Honor your husband’s wishes. Arrange with your attorney to have future communication with his family be through your attorney so you don’t need to deal with them.
My brother was Catholic and there was no problem with his burial although I believe that cremains need to be placed n the ground.
My brother had a best friend who is very sentimental. I allowed her a small piece of jewelry with some of his ashes