I will try this again. I do everything. I have had 2 strokes. I am stressed out. I have uncontrollable h/p. He is verbally abuse almost daily. His favorite thing to say is, "F you." I can go in to more detail, but won't at this time. I need help!
IMO all your ailments may improve by divorcing him. Stress contributes to most of your problems. Blood pressure, strokes, anxiety, PTSD. Stress is not good for diabetics raises the sugar.
I would go to a divorce lawyer and find out what your options are. But divorce is the way I would go. Thats the only way you can break free from him. I think your health will improve.
JoANN I have tried talking to the doctors, that was a waste of time. I live in the state of VA. Found out yesterday, that as long as he in his right mind there is nothing I can do. Let me tell you he has Fecal Incontinence. He will not use diaper, He sleeps on a trowel, I will not wash his clothes. This goes on and on. He has so many mental problems. His is by polar, his grandfather was his father. Won't let anyone in the house. He won't go to a doctor I have so much more I could all you. I am checking out fileing for separation agreement, I know he is going to fight me on this. I don't have any family here that will help. With me having 2 strokes my spelling is not good at all. I am sorry for this . I
Any time abuse is involved - and this is abuse - you need to put distance between you and your abuser. How you do that is up to you.
You can kick him out. Yes, that's a possibility. Unfortunately most women who have this thought think, "OMG, I can't do that becasue what would he do? Where would he live? Who would take care of him?" This is because we've been brainwashed to think that we must take care of everyone. But you know what? He'd be just fine without you to empty his urinal. He can either do it himself or find someone else to do it. That person doesn't have to be you. Nowhere in the marriage vows did you say that you'd empty his urinal and agree to be called vile names.
You can leave. "But what would I do? I have nowhere to go!" Yup, that's the usual thought. You may have relatives from whom you can rent a room. You may be able to get your own house or apartment, depending on your circumstances. You may have a friend who would welcome sharing a house - there are people looking for roommates with the cost of everything rising, There are shelters for abused women, and I recommend that you call a hotline for abused women so they can advise you of such places near you. You should have the phone numbers of several such organizations on speed dial on your phone. Do that right now.
I'd vote for kicking him out. Then it's up to him to take further steps in one way or the other.
Whatever you do, have no contact with him at all afterward. Your health will become better, I'm sure of that. Good luck in getting rid of this creep. He doesn't deserve you.
60 is VERY young to be staying in bed all day. He obviously has depression and perhaps other mental issues. You don't say whether your husband has any health issues or not, so not sure he would qualify to be put in a nursing home, but you definitely need a plan to be leaving this abusive situation. I would talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP, and get a plan in place to leave him, so you can just concentrate on you and your health. You do not and should not tolerate any kind of abuse from anyone.
budbud, I read your husband's profile [it shows up when one places the arrow over the word husband] and it says anxiety, depression, hearing loss, mobility problems, and sleep disorder.
Please note, none of those health issues would be a reason to be accepted by a nursing home. Maybe Assisted Living if your husband can afford the monthly rent to live in a senior facility.
How long have you been doing things for your husband that he should be doing for himself? You need to make a list of everything, and I mean everything, that you do for your husband. Now cross off half of the items. Now cross off a couple more things. Stick to that new list. If hubby complains, that's his problem not yours.
You do not want to be doing everything for him for the next 20-30 years. In fact, what if something happens to you.... then what would hubby do?
I am caring for my husband john, who is 59 years old, living at home with anxiety, depression, hearing loss, mobility problems, and sleep disorder. He is on 3 litlers of 02, a- fib, an among other things. ALLHE DOES ALL DAY LONG IS STAY IN THE BED, HE D0ES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALL DAY. THE ONLY TIME HE GETS UP ISTO EAT. HE PEES IN A BUCKET, I HAVE TO DO EVERTHINGI I AM TIRED. HIS ROOM SMELLS, HE WON'T CLEAN IT. And I AM NOT GOING TO CLEAN HIS ROOM. HE MENTALLY ABUSES ME, HE HAS A VERY FIFTHY MOUTH.HIS FAVORITE WORD IF F WORD. HE DOES NOT GO OUT OF THE HOUSE. I HAVE TO GET HIS MEDICINE FOR HIM see less
And about herself: OK I WILL BE 65 IN MarcH I HAVE HAD TWO STROKES, I HAVE PTSD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, MY BLOOD PRESSUREIS NOT CONTROLLED. DIABETES, HIGH CHOLRSTEROL, INCONTINENCE, SLEEP APNEA, THROID, RLS, and Event Recorder, Cardiac (Implantable), I am sorry I can't keep doing this.
They're both too young for their health conditions to be strictly age-related, not that that makes things any better for either of them. But I think their issues probably go back too far and are too complicated for us to suggest anything useful.
Budbud, who else is there in your healthcare or family network?
60 is young for staying in bed all day! I'm almost that same age, I work full time, have a puppy and am very active. He may have depression he needs to see a doctor ASAP. If he doesn't want to then tell him that his prescriptions will not be refilled if he doesn't. Inform the doctor what is going on before the appointment. He also needs blood work done and be tested for a UTI. This is all suggestions from my experience.
I think your smart to file for separation and leave. And when you leave you call Adult Protection Services and report a vulnerable adult that because of your health problems you cannot care for. That you have tried everything and have gotten no help.
funkygrandma59... Just as I do not use the ultimatum word often I am not one to use the divorce word often either. But I think in this case you are right. @Budbud2006... YOUR health is important. Your husband has mental health issues. If his doctor is not aware that he is staying in bed all day he or she should be made aware of that fact. Either he is not taking medication as prescribed, the dose or medication is not right or the doctor has not prescribed anything. In any case none of these scenarios is good. Talk to a divorce attorney. If you have a place to go go if you feel unsafe in your home although IF he EVER becomes violent or you are afraid that he may harm you call 911 immediately and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. If there are any weapons in the house inform the dispatcher. To that if there are any weapons in the house PLEASE secure them. there are gun locks that you can get or a safe.
budbud2006... IF he is his right mind there is nothing you can do.... That is true but you can not tell me that a 60 year old that stays in bed all day, pees in a bucket and sh**s on a towel is in his right mind. He is mentally ill and he needs medical help. If he refuses help, refuses to go to a doctor you are not obligated to remain in that unhealthy situation. If you have to, a Women's Shelter will help if you need a place to stay.
I would go to a divorce lawyer and find out what your options are. But divorce is the way I would go. Thats the only way you can break free from him. I think your health will improve.
. I
You can kick him out. Yes, that's a possibility. Unfortunately most women who have this thought think, "OMG, I can't do that becasue what would he do? Where would he live? Who would take care of him?" This is because we've been brainwashed to think that we must take care of everyone. But you know what? He'd be just fine without you to empty his urinal. He can either do it himself or find someone else to do it. That person doesn't have to be you. Nowhere in the marriage vows did you say that you'd empty his urinal and agree to be called vile names.
You can leave. "But what would I do? I have nowhere to go!" Yup, that's the usual thought. You may have relatives from whom you can rent a room. You may be able to get your own house or apartment, depending on your circumstances. You may have a friend who would welcome sharing a house - there are people looking for roommates with the cost of everything rising, There are shelters for abused women, and I recommend that you call a hotline for abused women so they can advise you of such places near you. You should have the phone numbers of several such organizations on speed dial on your phone. Do that right now.
I'd vote for kicking him out. Then it's up to him to take further steps in one way or the other.
Whatever you do, have no contact with him at all afterward. Your health will become better, I'm sure of that. Good luck in getting rid of this creep. He doesn't deserve you.
You don't say whether your husband has any health issues or not, so not sure he would qualify to be put in a nursing home, but you definitely need a plan to be leaving this abusive situation.
I would talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP, and get a plan in place to leave him, so you can just concentrate on you and your health.
You do not and should not tolerate any kind of abuse from anyone.
Please note, none of those health issues would be a reason to be accepted by a nursing home. Maybe Assisted Living if your husband can afford the monthly rent to live in a senior facility.
How long have you been doing things for your husband that he should be doing for himself? You need to make a list of everything, and I mean everything, that you do for your husband. Now cross off half of the items. Now cross off a couple more things. Stick to that new list. If hubby complains, that's his problem not yours.
You do not want to be doing everything for him for the next 20-30 years. In fact, what if something happens to you.... then what would hubby do?
I am caring for my husband john, who is 59 years old, living at home with anxiety, depression, hearing loss, mobility problems, and sleep disorder. He is on 3 litlers of 02, a- fib, an among other things. ALLHE DOES ALL DAY LONG IS STAY IN THE BED, HE D0ES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALL DAY. THE ONLY TIME HE GETS UP ISTO EAT. HE PEES IN A BUCKET, I HAVE TO DO EVERTHINGI I AM TIRED. HIS ROOM SMELLS, HE WON'T CLEAN IT. And I AM NOT GOING TO CLEAN HIS ROOM. HE MENTALLY ABUSES ME, HE HAS A VERY FIFTHY MOUTH.HIS FAVORITE WORD IF F WORD. HE DOES NOT GO OUT OF THE HOUSE. I HAVE TO GET HIS MEDICINE FOR HIM see less
And about herself:
OK I WILL BE 65 IN MarcH I HAVE HAD TWO STROKES, I HAVE PTSD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, MY BLOOD PRESSUREIS NOT CONTROLLED. DIABETES, HIGH CHOLRSTEROL, INCONTINENCE, SLEEP APNEA, THROID, RLS, and Event Recorder, Cardiac (Implantable), I am sorry I can't keep doing this.
They're both too young for their health conditions to be strictly age-related, not that that makes things any better for either of them. But I think their issues probably go back too far and are too complicated for us to suggest anything useful.
Budbud, who else is there in your healthcare or family network?
I think your smart to file for separation and leave. And when you leave you call Adult Protection Services and report a vulnerable adult that because of your health problems you cannot care for. That you have tried everything and have gotten no help.
Just as I do not use the ultimatum word often I am not one to use the divorce word often either.
But I think in this case you are right.
@Budbud2006...
YOUR health is important.
Your husband has mental health issues. If his doctor is not aware that he is staying in bed all day he or she should be made aware of that fact. Either he is not taking medication as prescribed, the dose or medication is not right or the doctor has not prescribed anything. In any case none of these scenarios is good.
Talk to a divorce attorney.
If you have a place to go go if you feel unsafe in your home although IF he EVER becomes violent or you are afraid that he may harm you call 911 immediately and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. If there are any weapons in the house inform the dispatcher.
To that if there are any weapons in the house PLEASE secure them. there are gun locks that you can get or a safe.
IF he is his right mind there is nothing you can do....
That is true but you can not tell me that a 60 year old that stays in bed all day, pees in a bucket and sh**s on a towel is in his right mind.
He is mentally ill and he needs medical help.
If he refuses help, refuses to go to a doctor you are not obligated to remain in that unhealthy situation. If you have to, a Women's Shelter will help if you need a place to stay.
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