My husband has MS and is a victim of the sweetheart scam. What can I do?

Hi Danna,
If they are in Georgia, he can. Georgia is not a community property state and is a "no fault" divorce state.
The outlet that I see is to have him declared incompetent. Then you can get guardianship and kick out the caregiver. His doctor must be willing to declare him incompetent.

Reliable transportation does not mean the employee drives her own vehicle. We had a wonderful helper with Mother, whose husband brought her by everyday and picked her up in the evening. Just sayin'

Where are you living now? Do you have keys to the house and car? Maybe you could change the locks on the house and tell the car insurance she has your car. Did he add her to the policy? Did he put her name on the title? Is your name on anything?

Call an attorney. Call the department of Elder Affairs. File a police report. This trollop is probably guilty of exploiting the elderly . . . especially if your husband or you are disabled and receiving state or federal assistance. Whatever the case may be, please get help.

I know what you can do you fire her!!! This is your residence and your husband you get her out, and make sure you speak with VA to let them know what has happen. Also you or your children need to get POA over his finances. No caregiver has this right in your home!!!

The care giver should never be involved in an intimate relationship with a patient, should not accept rent money, and should remain out of Martial issues aside from suggesting counseling because it is not her job. Report her to the regulating agency for the county or the state. Report this to the VA and the agency. Talk with his doctor about recommending only male care givers. And yes, get an attorney.

The two Caregivers that my boss had for his wife, neither one owned a vehicle, they took public transportation and/or another family member drove them to the job.

Get a cognitive assessment of hubby somehow - he may not be as OK as he seemed, and he could have been working on your marriage issues too. If you mean he gave or sold the title to the car to the caregiver and your name was not on it, she at the very very least accepted an inappropriate gift, though if he is of sound mind he had the right to make the gift. If your name is on that car in any way shape or form you have even more of a leg to stand on.

No one is a perfect spouse or caregiver, but unless you were criminally abusive of him, please do not let any guilt you have, false or real, stop you from claiming what is rightfully yours.

I'm going to speak more into this situation. I do NOT understand how this employee of the caregiver agency can get a job without transportation to and from her placements home. That is one of the questions that is asked on an employment application, "Do you have reliable transportation to get to and from your job? " So why would this other woman need to be given your car?

Until you decide that you no longer want any part of your marriage, you and your husband made a commitment to each other and no other woman should step over that line. Although... through the course of history, this is something that happens frequently, many books have been written and women are the worst offenders. You need to decide if you want to fight for your marriage and if so, fight for it, or if not ... dissolve it. While you do that NO other woman should be getting cozy with your husband, although there seem to be countless women out there who will. Be very careful that the rug is not pulled out from under you. You are right to be concerned.

Also I just want to say that many men in the condition that they have, need strong conscientious caregivers. They also in their own minds create a romantic issue about caregiving, because it's the only reference for intimacy they know. If you take offense because she is nice to him as she should be, that is your issue. You feel 'old and in the way' so to speak. Be patient, and find the best thing for yourself in the situation. If you need help to talk to the caregiver, ask for your neighbor, friend or agency to help you so you both understand what is going on.

The primary issue here is professional caregiving. If you and your husband are both getting elderly, the caregiver also must care about you. If this requires some kind of professional advice call the agency or a neighbor or friend you both trust. It often good to have an outside person as counsel or referee. Nothing can be taken from you that belongs to you. If the caregiver needs to use the car, it can only be used, legally speaking, with your husband or you in it. If he is letting her use it temporarily to get to the job, that's and issue to discuss with your chosen counselor. If it belongs to you, you do not have to sign it over. He has not right to kick you out if this is your legal home.

It does looks to me that you are victim of yourself, as you said. How long have you lived in this house with your husband? You didn't make it clear, but sounds like it's your place as well. It's not up to him. No matter how nice the woman is, she must care about you as well because you are his wife. You can complain about this to the care agency, and they could help you. As far as giving her the car to use is fine, but not to keep. If you say it is yours, you do not have to sign it over. However if it is legally his, you don't have anything to say about it.

The primary issue here is professional caregiving. If you and your husband are both getting elderly, the caregiver also must care about you. If this requires some kind of professional advice call the agency or a neighbor or friend you both trust. It often good to have an outside person as counsel or referee. Nothing can be taken from you that belongs to you. If the caregiver needs to use the car, it can only be used legally speaking with your husband or you in it. If he is letting use it temporarily to get tot he job, that's and issue to discuss with your chosen counselor. If it belongs to you, you do not have to sign it over. He has not right to kick you out if this is your legal home.
It does looks to me that you are victim of yourself, as you said. How long have you lived in this house with your husband? You didn't make it clear, but sounds like it's your place as well. It's not up to him. No matter how nice the woman is, she must care about you as well because you are his wife. You can complain about this to the care agency, and they could help you. As far as giving her the car to use is fine, but not to keep. If you say it is yours, you do not have to sign it over. However if it is legally his, you don't have anything to say about it.

What do you mean you have NO say? Of course you do. First, you are entitled to 1/2 of the house, money (depending on the state in which you reside), and you can always contact a divorce attorney to get your husband's attention. The company the caregiver works for should be put on notice you will sue them if she does not leave. The VA does not intervene in domestic disputes, but I think I would call Adult Protective Services just in case to have them check out his mental status. It isn't the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last. YOU do have rights. Exercise them!

How old are you and your husband? If you are a senior, you can call Dept. of Elder affairs and complain about a "Sweetheat scam".
Many people who develop MS also develop cognitive impairment or dementia. Has he had an evaluation by a psychiatrist? Try to get a reputable caregiver company to have a Psych nurse or social worker come in and do an evaluation.
Are you his Health Care Proxy or POA? IF so, that gives you more clout.
Do not move out of the house. It's YOUR house. Invite a friend or relative to stay there with you for a while. Complain to the caretaker company. Hire a new caretaker. That would definitely put a damper on the situation. (I know you're tired, but if you don't get help and fight for what's yours, you could end up homeless.
You need to get her out of the house! She definitely won't stay if you and someone else are there. She does not want you there. She is trying to establish residency and convince your husband to marry her and get it all.

Stress and burn-out are very, VERY difficult to manage, much less to overcome. It sounds as if there is a lot more to this story than you're telling to us here. You said you and your husband were having problems - are you divorced? Marriage certainly holds firm when it comes to property and money. I hate to say it but it sounds as if you are being a victim here as the law is on your side. Is there a Will or a Trust? Your name is not on the bank account? You really need to get it together hon and follow the above instructions and take what's legally yours. Get some help too. Call the Alzheimer's Assoc. and/or your local Department on Aging, Elder Care or your church if you have one. You're not thinking clearly, sounds like. Don't be a victim. Lots of hugs and support to you from those of us here that have done and actually survived what you have to do and what you've gone through.

Also try reporting to Adult Protection Services. They can also assess the situation.

Don't speak tell your husband what you are doing, talk to a lawyer, THEN talk to the company who hired her and the BBB. Get your legal affairs in line before saying anything so he will less likely harass or take more from you. You need some muscle in the situation. If he's that bitter, he can do anything, so shhhhhh, and talk to a lawyer. I'm not sure where you would go to find a free lawyer...

It sounds like you are on the right track with reporting, talking to agencies ect. You may not be in a state where everything is 50/50 like it is in California. If you are married for a certain amount of time and there is no prenup you get half. There are many attorneys who will give a consultation fee free and also low income legal services are available. Good luck and keep feisty!

"maggiemarshall" are you kidding? Who ever is in this situation don't listen to her under any conditions. The caregiver cannot accept any kind of gift if they are working for someone else, (an employer) Do not listen to that answer. Unreal.

I would definitely make a report with your local Adult Protective Services and tell them that you believe there is financial abuse taking place. Additionally, you can call your local police department, and a few elder law attorneys and/or family law attorneys for more information and to find out your rights. Attorneys will usually give you a free consultation, and you can find out the names of some local agencies for lower cost or free attorneys if you do not have the money for legal fees. I would act quickly. I hope everything works out well for you.

Also, anytime a VA employee or VA contractor is involved in waste, fraud, or abuse, there is a hotline to call 800-488-8244. Email:vaoighotline@va.gov.
There is the Dept of Veterans Affairs Office of the Inspector General.

Courtesy of another Federal employee and veteran promoting honesty and ethics in Federal service

Are you in a community property state? If you are legally married half of everything he earns or that which is considered community income and property, is yours...He has a duty to support his wife. He cannot order you out of a home/house without a court order. He must provide for necessities, food clothing transportation shelter healthcare, as he is able. You may have a right to incur debt which he would become directly liable for, to secure basic and reasonable needs. If the car is registered in your name, he cannot sell or strip you of the keys lawfully except by your agreement or court order.
Further, it is absolutely against Federal contractor policies to accept gifts or services from clients. It is not ethical, either from a medical ethics point of view or Federal law. It is a violation of Dept of VA provider requirements as well.

Are you in a community property state? If you are legally married half of everything he earns or that which is considered community income and property, is yours...He has a duty to support his wife. He cannot order you out of a home/house without a court order. He must provide for necessities, food clothing transportation shelter healthcare, as he is able. You may have a right to incur debt which he would become directly liable for, to secure basic and reasonable needs. If the car is registered in your name, he cannot sell or strip you of the keys lawfully except by your agreement or court order.
Further, it is absolutely against Federal contractor policies to accept gifts or services from clients. It is not ethical, either from a medical ethics point of view or Federal law. It is a violation of Dept of VA provider requirements as well.

I have moved back in. I wasn't willing to just walk away. The company is Comfort keepers, and I have told them my concerns and they have either said it wasn't my business or blown me off. So I have gone to the state and federal level a put in a complaint to every agent I could. I am trying to find a lawyer in California if anyone knows of a good one please let me know. Thank you all for the feedback

I also agree that agency CGs are not to accept gifts, etc, Our agency is pretty upfrount about this. Our Cg needed gas money recently, mom gave her some, she paid it back.But it could have gotten her fired if they knew. Not even Christmas gifts... we slide them under the table. But then again, our CG is not trying to break up his marriage or take him to the cleaners...

See a lawyer. See several lawyers. Find the best one for you. Someone who will look out for your long term interests and will be your advocate. You may also want to meet with a therapist to create effective strategies for communicating with your husband. You deserve to be treated with respect and should also be respectful. Be careful and do not delay.

Caregivers hired thru an agency are not supposed to get "gifts" it is unethical and ground from termination if she is found out. She is getting paid to do a job and the agency that she works for would not be happy she is getting gifts. If she is a private contractor then it is another story. I think that this sounds like a relationship problem that might have been brewing for awhile and the caregiver stirred it up. Protect yourself legally but if the marriage was failing anyway maybe this is your chance to get out?

wileywom, here's one question that I just thought of... do you want to divorce your husband or do you honestly want to stay with him. Someone with a serious illness can act like a bully because they are upset with themselves and with the illness because they no longer have full control.

Could it be that hubby offered your car so that the Caregiver could run an errand and she took advantage of that offer? Did the Caregiver give a sob story about she can't make next month's rent and thought he was doing her a favor? Sounds like you took offense to what he did, I would have too, and there was a serious discussion that resulted in a major blowup. Words were said, he wanted you to leave because he couldn't.

When was the last time you spoke to your husband? Call when you know the Caregiver isn't there and ask if he is ok, and if he needs any help. Misunderstandings can take on a life of their own.

As long as he wants here there, there 's nothing she can do. Going to the care taker and making hollow threats isn't going to accomplish anything. Even if she reports her to her employer, the woman's done nothing illegal. I'd venture to guess care givers get gifts all the time from their patients.

Wifey has left the home. He needs a caretaker. There's a very uncomfortable bed been made here. Frankly, even if she went to the lady's job? What is the lady doing wrong? It's not breaking any laws to accept gifts from one's patients. In fact, I'd venture to say it's done often.

Her problem is with her husband. Not the care giver.