My husband has MS and is a victim of the sweetheart scam. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

My husband has MS and is a victim of the sweetheart scam. What can I do?

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A fter 5 years of me doing 24 hour care went to his VA Doctor and ask for help big mistake. So it took 6 months but got a company through them and within 4 months my husband has kicked me out took away my car and gave it to is hired caregiver has given her money every month and paid her rent this month my husband is a Veteran and we live on a fixed income this woman is totally doing the sweetheart scam and I can't do a thing about it I've reported it to her company the VA and because I'm just his wife I have no say who cares for him what.can I do please help

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Your husband is elderly (I'm assuming this because he has a VA Dr.) and is on a fixed income? And he has MS? There's no other money or trusts or anything like that laying around? I ask because I wonder why a caregiver would have an affair with a man with these health issues unless he had money. How can he afford to pay her rent and give her money while on a fixed income?

So the caregiver is doing the 24/7 care now?

I don't know what you can do. The VA and the healthcare company aren't going to get in the middle of this. Do you have a place to live? How long have you been married? Your husband just kicked you out and moved the caregiver in? I think there must be more to this story.
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First off.. Because your husband is a veteran, this is why he has VA doctor. The very fact that he has had such a drastic change in behavior, could mean he is having issues making rational decisions where this "woman caregiver" is concern. I would go back to the VA doctor and explain the situation to him. Make sure you are doing this out of concern for your husband , not out of vengeance. The woman caregiver was through and agency, or just someone who placed an ad? If through an agency, she can lose her job, for getting involved with a client in such a way. Reputable companies will not want such a scandal where their company is concern! As his wife, you do have rights where your husband is concern. Not sure what state your in, but where I live, a wife is allotted half of her husbands income and assets in divorce and can also seek alimony on top of the half allowance of all their assets together. He can't just throw you out and move this woman in. I suggest you get a attorney, and go after your husband and this woman's COMPANY. I agree it sounds as if their is much more to this story. I sincerely hope you take the advice of getting an attorney.
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I would like to add, the Care Giver Company can fire her. A reputable company would never put up with anything like this! And as other's have said, if you want out you can get out. It's sad to say most women are more likely to put up with crap from their good for nothing husbands! My prayers are with you, and I hope you will follow some good advice and get a lawyer, has to be somebody you can trust.
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If you are legally married he can't kick you out, or take your car. There has to be more to this story. Without more information people can't help. But the best advice you've gotten is see an attorney. And don't leave your home. You have every right to be there, she does not.
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I think you need a lawyer to protect your financial interests. You need to get your car back, for one thing.

I am very sorry about the emotional upheaval this all entails, and the total lack of gratitude for your own caregiving. Seeing a lawyer won't address all that, but it is also important to not be victimized here.

Is your husband in his "right mind" at this time? Or has he started having dementia related to his MS?
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If you are legally married to this man, you have rights. See a lawyer immediately, you may be able to get some free legal aid. You need to file for separation- a portion of his income will be yours automatically, especially after all those years. As to the caregiver, if she is working for a company, they have to be licensed, they have regulations to obey and they are responsible for their employees. Report them to the state body that oversees in home care. If they are legitimate then they cannot afford being accused of fraud. You do have options.
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My mother lives with me, 6 1/2 years now
She has had many caregivers with the company
Help at Home. The workers are not allowed
To accept money or gifts, you should contact
The company BBB and report the company.
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1. Engage lawyer and start divirce proceedings based on infidelity/unreasonable behaviour

2. See if you can freeze his assests so he doesn't gift it all away to this woman.

Need to draw a line in the sand here.
Sadly it sounds like the marriage has been dead for a while but you hung on in there doing the right thing for your husband.

Does piss me off when a new 'young' thing ricks up without the encumerance of the barnacles acquired over time in a tough caregiver role (where you work 24/7, and can't close the door on it!)
Plus some people behave better for strangers than for their immediate family, so this woman hasn't seen the real side of your husband yet.

Take this as a gift and chance for your own happiness my love. But absolutely refuse to give anything back that was yours (ie your car!)

And name the carer association on here so folk know they allow their carers to behave in this way. They absolutely have a responsibility in this.
They are running a carer service not a dati g agency. Should vet their carers better.

Good luck! And find the silver lining... I think it is shining very brightly here!! FREEDOM!!!
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Yes we were having problems I was burned out and he is a very demanding person we have been together for 32 years married for 21. I was tired of cleaning cooking the whole nine yards because I was getting no help so it was real bad with us when she entered the since and he just wanted someone to pay attention to him because I was so burned out I just couldn't do it and his family was no help so Yea he fell for her because it was someone who only focus was him
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I'm having a little trouble following because there is no punctuation, but it seems like there are 2 separate issues going on. If you have been together that many years, I have friends that are only in their 40s or 50s because they were HS sweethearts, and you don't sound that old. If sounds like, with mentioning being 'burned out' that there were marital problems, and it sounds like your husband is not completely out of it [as some of our 80 year old fathers are that marry chicks they meet on their deathbeds. I know a few of those; one married my husband's best friends dad in his 80s, another the woman was a caretaker to an old man and he got diamonds and moved her stripper daughters in, but these men were totally senile]. You need a lawyer, and you need to have her fired from her agency. if SHE is the one entirely to blame [and I think there are 2 other parties], had I been an innocent victim in all of this, I would have called my attorney first and her agency second. I don't see how YOU got kicked out as a wife; YOU have rights, and many states are joint property, so why did YOU let them have all this power? Or was the marriage over and he thought the grass looked greener with this gal. There seems to be a lot missing, but I would NEVER give up my rights with someone I built a life with, not without getting help for a fair settlement and treatment to me, as his wife, not his concubine. This isn't the Middle Ages, King Henry VIII can't put one wife in prison and the next in a castle anymore...
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